In His Eyes

January 14, 2010
By XCLover GOLD, Sandpoint, Idaho
XCLover GOLD, Sandpoint, Idaho
18 articles 0 photos 92 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I know I run like a girl, try and keep up!" ~Anon
"You only ever grow as a human being if you are outside your comfort zone." ~Percy Cerutti
"The hug is incomplete without you :3" NinjaMan


I awake in a bed of silken sheets. Leisurely, I stretch. Yawning, I climb out of bed and amble down the hallway to the library. Picking up my book from where I left it the night before, I begin to read.
Hours later I pause, fingers about to turn the page. I notice how smooth the paper is, the gilded edges, the striking black print on cream pages, and the beautiful leather binding the leaves together.
After a bit, I realize how hungry I am. I mark my place in the book and walk down the stairs to the kitchen. The cook notices me and smiles, greeting me politely. She sets a plate of food on the table and hands me a piece of notepaper. Sitting down to eat, I read the note.
"Went on a walk. Don't forget to finish your work for school before you do anything else.
Love,
Mom"
"Typical Saturday," I think, yawning again. I wander back upstairs to my book, barely remembering to thank the cook for breakfast on my way out of the kitchen.
Entering the library again, I stop. Something catches my eye. Curious, I go to the window to see what it was. I look down across the courtyard to the gate. It appears to be slowly swinging inward. That's odd. No one ever uses that gate unless we're hosting a party. I hurry downt the stairs and out the front door. Running across the courtyard I see why the gate is opening. A young man, about my age, is pushing on it. He wears a tattered pair of shorts, no shirt, no shoes. Muscles straining, slowly but surely, he is succeeding. I catch his arm.
"Stop! What are you doing? Who are you?" I shout. He stops and looks at me. His eyes are large and very dark, almost black. They are deep, fathoms deep, with a closely guarded look. But there is one thing the young man couldn't hide. Pain shown out through his eyes, so terrible and deep, true violent anguish. I gasp. No one should ever have to suffer such pain. What in this world could cause such pain?
I touch his arm again, gently this time. I can't speak, but I am overwhelmed by emotions. He turns away, hiding his eyes. Pushing my hand away, he turns and runs down the road.
Stunned, I shift to go back into the house. Looking up at the open gate, the building rising in front of me, realization strikes, hits me like I ran into a wall. And for the first time in my life, I see myself through someone else's eyes. I see what I truly am. A shallow, spoiled, brat. Reeling, I look down the road again. I see him in the distance, his bare back scarred and shining in the sunlight.
I begin to run.


The author's comments:
This is a very special peice to me. I'm not sure exactly what it is, but I would absolutely love feedback on it! It was inspired by a close friend...it's basically an exaggerated account of what I felt when we first met. Curiousity, shallow, and the pain in his eyes.
Please let me know how I can make this better!

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This article has 8 comments.


Margaret said...
on Jun. 14 2010 at 8:49 pm

This is really good! Intriguing and good imaging. I understand if it feels complete to you; if it seems so, then it is, but I would love to see what happens. This seems in one way a cliffhanger, in another way, an ending open to interpretation; great job though. I liked it.

I know what it's like to have an idea just sit in your head but no real details. It happened to me with the story I'm currently writing; I just had the basic idea and then one night, the details just started forming and I knew names and what I wanted to do with it.


on Jun. 14 2010 at 1:45 pm
respecturself7 SILVER, Medina, New York
8 articles 0 photos 76 comments

Favorite Quote:
There is a natural law in life to settle.....I broke that law ~Katherine Hepburn
Love, Is the severest of mental diseases~U.K.
Spinning always spinning....when life puts me down I'll give you a call~respecturself7

more, more, more! lol it's really good:)

on Jun. 11 2010 at 2:28 pm
Authorgal98 GOLD, Frankort, Illinois
17 articles 0 photos 195 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Let your mind sart a journey through a strange new world..."

This was really good! Contiune, by all means!

XCLover GOLD said...
on Jun. 6 2010 at 3:27 pm
XCLover GOLD, Sandpoint, Idaho
18 articles 0 photos 92 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I know I run like a girl, try and keep up!" ~Anon
"You only ever grow as a human being if you are outside your comfort zone." ~Percy Cerutti
"The hug is incomplete without you :3" NinjaMan

Thank you :). I think I am going to continue it. I have the next segment starting to take shape in my mind but I don't know any of the details yet just a general idea of how I want it to end up.

on Jun. 5 2010 at 6:47 pm
sunnyhunny PLATINUM, Litchfield, New Hampshire
22 articles 3 photos 329 comments

Favorite Quote:
"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."
-Ghandi

 I think that this is a really good start to a story!  Maybe a prolouge?  (idk if thats spelled correctly.)  But I think that you should definitely continue this.  It's very well written.

stonewall said...
on May. 24 2010 at 12:22 am
i agree... if you heart tells you to continue i would... for i have a feeling, that there is more to it that should be told, or should maybe be kept in your heart, but just remember the running is not in vain, there is a reason for all things. 

NickE SILVER said...
on Mar. 11 2010 at 12:37 pm
NickE SILVER, Woodland Hills, California
7 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
“If you're losing your soul and you know it, then you've still got a soul left to lose”

i recommend continuing with it no matter what people think of it you never know what it will become.

"Once a guy stood all day shaking bugs from his hair. The doctor told him there were no bugs in his hair. After he had taken a shower for eight hours, standing under hot water hour after hour suffering the pain of the bugs, he got out and dried himself, and he still had bugs in his hair; in fact, he had bugs all over him. A month later he had bugs in his lungs."

this turns out to be an amazing book that dives deep into the minds of drug addicts and justice being pushed to the side for what is right

XCLover GOLD said...
on Jan. 24 2010 at 7:13 pm
XCLover GOLD, Sandpoint, Idaho
18 articles 0 photos 92 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I know I run like a girl, try and keep up!" ~Anon
"You only ever grow as a human being if you are outside your comfort zone." ~Percy Cerutti
"The hug is incomplete without you :3" NinjaMan

I'd also like to know if anyone thinks I should continue this. I'm thinking about it, but at the same time it feels complete the way it is. Suggestions?


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