In His Eyes

January 14, 2010
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I awake in a bed of silken sheets. Leisurely, I stretch. Yawning, I climb out of bed and amble down the hallway to the library. Picking up my book from where I left it the night before, I begin to read.
Hours later I pause, fingers about to turn the page. I notice how smooth the paper is, the gilded edges, the striking black print on cream pages, and the beautiful leather binding the leaves together.
After a bit, I realize how hungry I am. I mark my place in the book and walk down the stairs to the kitchen. The cook notices me and smiles, greeting me politely. She sets a plate of food on the table and hands me a piece of notepaper. Sitting down to eat, I read the note.
"Went on a walk. Don't forget to finish your work for school before you do anything else.
"Typical Saturday," I think, yawning again. I wander back upstairs to my book, barely remembering to thank the cook for breakfast on my way out of the kitchen.
Entering the library again, I stop. Something catches my eye. Curious, I go to the window to see what it was. I look down across the courtyard to the gate. It appears to be slowly swinging inward. That's odd. No one ever uses that gate unless we're hosting a party. I hurry downt the stairs and out the front door. Running across the courtyard I see why the gate is opening. A young man, about my age, is pushing on it. He wears a tattered pair of shorts, no shirt, no shoes. Muscles straining, slowly but surely, he is succeeding. I catch his arm.
"Stop! What are you doing? Who are you?" I shout. He stops and looks at me. His eyes are large and very dark, almost black. They are deep, fathoms deep, with a closely guarded look. But there is one thing the young man couldn't hide. Pain shown out through his eyes, so terrible and deep, true violent anguish. I gasp. No one should ever have to suffer such pain. What in this world could cause such pain?
I touch his arm again, gently this time. I can't speak, but I am overwhelmed by emotions. He turns away, hiding his eyes. Pushing my hand away, he turns and runs down the road.
Stunned, I shift to go back into the house. Looking up at the open gate, the building rising in front of me, realization strikes, hits me like I ran into a wall. And for the first time in my life, I see myself through someone else's eyes. I see what I truly am. A shallow, spoiled, brat. Reeling, I look down the road again. I see him in the distance, his bare back scarred and shining in the sunlight.
I begin to run.

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This article has 8 comments. Post your own now!

Margaret said...
Jun. 14, 2010 at 8:49 pm

This is really good! Intriguing and good imaging. I understand if it feels complete to you; if it seems so, then it is, but I would love to see what happens. This seems in one way a cliffhanger, in another way, an ending open to interpretation; great job though. I liked it.

I know what it's like to have an idea just sit in your head but no real details. It happened to me with the story I'm currently writing; I just had the basic idea and then one night, the details just started fo... (more »)

Authorgal98 said...
Jun. 11, 2010 at 2:28 pm
This was really good! Contiune, by all means!
sunnyhunny This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 5, 2010 at 6:47 pm
 I think that this is a really good start to a story!  Maybe a prolouge?  (idk if thats spelled correctly.)  But I think that you should definitely continue this.  It's very well written.
XCLover replied...
Jun. 6, 2010 at 3:27 pm
Thank you :). I think I am going to continue it. I have the next segment starting to take shape in my mind but I don't know any of the details yet just a general idea of how I want it to end up.
XCLover said...
Jan. 24, 2010 at 7:13 pm
I'd also like to know if anyone thinks I should continue this. I'm thinking about it, but at the same time it feels complete the way it is. Suggestions?
NickE replied...
Mar. 11, 2010 at 12:37 pm
i recommend continuing with it no matter what people think of it you never know what it will become.
"Once a guy stood all day shaking bugs from his hair. The doctor told him there were no bugs in his hair. After he had taken a shower for eight hours, standing under hot water hour after hour suffering the pain of the bugs, he got out and dried himself, and he still had bugs in his hair; in fact, he had bugs all over him. A month later he had bugs in his lungs."
this turns o... (more »)
stonewall replied...
May 24, 2010 at 12:22 am
i agree... if you heart tells you to continue i would... for i have a feeling, that there is more to it that should be told, or should maybe be kept in your heart, but just remember the running is not in vain, there is a reason for all things. 
respecturself7 replied...
Jun. 14, 2010 at 1:45 pm
more, more, more! lol it's really good:)
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