The water, my last oasis, spurts uncontrollably from the showerhead, then slowly steadies to tranquil, subdued lines that create harsh pattering against the plastic floor, cold and uninviting. My trembling hands turn the knob completely to the left. There. Within seconds the bantam room, the last of which I hope to be in, fills with a moist, calming steam. As I undress, I shiver. A chill descends down the nape of my neck to the small of my back as I strip. Shortly, the hovering heat kisses my bare skin. My skin, evanescent and pale, kisses back. My feet tingle as I step into the water, scorching hot and waiting patiently. No need to shut the curtain, I stand exposed to the room, the walls, the last I will know. I close my eyes and allow my head to fall back. Oh, how I allow it to fall! So freely, just hoping that the bone holding my head, filled with fantasies of my approaching utopia, will snap, stab through my skin, my disgusting pale mask, tearing it. While letting the scalding water ease cautiously into the wound, backwards I wish to plunge, into a puddle of water and my fresh blood. But it doesn’t happen; I still have my head. Nothing comes easy. My hands, soft and plump, heighten and thrust into cups over my ears, altering the consistent pattering as the water showers over my head, down my face, dripping off the very tip of my nose. The water, my savior, is now a roll of thunder, a storm that beckons for me. The plug on the drain does exactly as I wish of it, allows the water to rise and overflow the tub. Ah! Something I can control. I can hardly hear the spilling and splashing of water onto the tile over the euphony of thunder. Up the water rises, blistering all skin it touches. The pores on my legs open, welcoming the scorning visitor. Ah, the burning! My hell sensation! Slowly up it rises, while each tick of time shortens my breaths. As the room, my burial, fills with water, my jaw slowly lowers. The streams of water, hierarch of my end, splash playfully on my trembling lip, feeling of a deep crimson. It fills my mouth, the water. My throat begins to spurt its last puffs of breath. My nose, hot and tickled, begins to run, and with every breath, short and stifled, I sniffle. Slowly the water rises. The wait begins to become insufferable. My naked body trembles as it waits impatiently for the water’s fevered embrace. The thundering seems to slow as the water levels at my waist. My arms grow tired and heated as the muscles tighten. My head I squeeze, attempting to release the ache that consumes me. The water at my belly button, then above my breasts. The water slows as it envelops my body. I’m leaving as I imagine I came. As the water inches up my neck, over my open mouth, reaching my nose just as I take my last, brief breath. The pressure is creeping swiftly. The grip on my chest, hot and burning, gets tighter with every cascading drop. The thunder gets louder, angrier. I push my eyes open, trying to view this new world I’ve created, but my eyes burn from the heat. My vision is blurred; I see nothing. As the water levels over my head, the thunder suddenly stops. The quiet frightens me. The stillness unbearable. My ears burst, straining for sound. My lungs, shoving outward from within, yearning for life, while sudden hands, strong and firm, begin to lift me at the waist. My feet, my useless feet! Lifeless and unable to hold me down any longer, I am lifted up and up as my chest explodes and I desire to scream! Scream at the moon one last time, ah the desire burns me! These hands bring me no satisfaction, relieve me none. My eyes now unable to shut and wince at the pain! Unable to see my new home! My body, now weak and blistered, submits. My tenseness fades as my body becomes limp. I don’t remember wanting this and I don’t remember losing all will and power to these hands! Confusion sets in. Gently, I am laid down, my blind eyes searching hopelessly.

Heaven?

Silence. My naked body grows cold. A hand, gentle and rough, caresses my face, tingling with pain at this slight touch, as I lay on the hard ground facing up. The hand lingers as my vision slowly returns. The hand’s partner rests lovingly on my heart. Both hands connected to arms, connected to a torso, naked like my own. I feel not ashamed. Atop the torso, a neck, kissed by the sun, and a head, with an intense face of devilish qualities and angelic eyes. Eyes I might have never seen again. My chest finally rises; filling suddenly with air, crisp and heavenly, then abruptly falls and releases a cool wind from my dry, scathing lips. Breath. The face familiar and, honestly, exactly what I expected. My heaven.

You save me.