January 6, 2010
By sammycee SILVER, St. James, New York
sammycee SILVER, St. James, New York
5 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It is a curious subject of observation and inquiry, whether hatred and love be not the same thing at bottom" - Nathaniel Hawthorne

She was fourteen years old, eyes bright with the whole world at her finger tips. He was 6”2’ and nothing that she needed. She should have known better, but she loved to be loved. She was such a sucker for a sweet talker, and those brown eyes made her melt. Beautiful inside and out, she was the object of his desire. The innocence of her smile dangling in his face fed the fire. He found her as a girl, and left her far from it. Who wouldn’t want to take such a pretty thing home?

They met on the bus. He was a star running back, and she was the captain of the freshman soccer team. Everyday she’d take that bus 20 miles back home, and he’d take the seat right next to her. They both lived in the same town, and had for there whole lives. But somehow they never met. She’d never even seen him till the day he walked on that bus. But the next thing you know, she can’t stop laughing the whole ride home. His charm was enough to send her head spinning. Blinded by his smile, she couldn’t see past those dark brown eyes, dark enough to hide inside. So badly she wanted to get inside his head and see the things he’d seen.

Surely enough as days went by, she found him on her mind more then shed like to admit. She barely knew him, but she felt like they’d been friends all her life. She looked forward to nothing more then the time she spent with him. Talking about the days they wasted in class, and the lives they lived on the weekends. Slowly but surely uncovering all that lay under their heavy uniform. She spent forty minutes everyday heart not beating, and barely breathing. Most days she’d catch herself looking for him in the halls. And when she found him sometimes she’d wish she hadn’t. He was always surrounded by a few or more of his jock type friends, and always accompanied by the prettiest girls in school. It was enough to make her sick, seeing those girls hang off him. Envy ran through her veins, turning her blood green. They just liked him for the name on his jersey, and she liked every single thing about him. But eventually reality would settle in. Why on earth, would a guy like that ever want a girl like her? She wasn’t cheerleader blonde, and she didn’t have sparkling blue eyes. She wasn’t 5’7” or perfect size 2 either. But every time he looked her way, she felt like everyone else in the room disappeared. He was looking past her brown hair, and slightly green eyes, and looking right into the corners of her mind. Sending sparks all throughout her body right down to her toes. Maybe this was enough. Maybe he didn’t care about all those other girls. She had that underlying hope that maybe she was just good enough.

The football team had games early every Saturday morning. Sure enough she’d wake up and go watch. Sitting there with her friends she couldn’t keep her eyes off him, and she always made sure he saw her cheering in the stands. After every game the girls would wait outside the boy’s locker room. Greeting the tired players with hugs and smiles no matter what the score on the field was. Somehow he’d always find her first and wrap her tightly in his arms. She’d look up at him with stars in her eyes, and tell him how great he did. He’d flash her that leering smile and dedicated all his touch downs to her. All she could think of is how perfect this moment is. Someone should have told her how deceiving perfection really is.

They went from sitting across the isle, to sitting in the same seat. Tired from practice, she’d rest her head on his shoulder as he held her the whole way home. The closer they got the more she needed him. A few bus rides and footballs games weren’t enough to satisfy her growing affection. So she made him promise to ride his bike by on his next free day, and spend the afternoon with her. All she wanted was to be alone with him. And when they finally were alone she was sure she’d get that kiss. It was the one that kept her up at night. The one she’d pictured so perfectly, so many times in her head. That kiss would be enough to make her heart stop beating completely. This kiss would certainly send her falling. If she only knew how hard she’d hit the ground.

He was gone the next day. The day after he brushed her cheek so softly, lifted her chin so gently, and kissed her lips so sweetly. She was falling more and more into his arms with every second that passed. She prayed he would never leave, and that this moment would never end. His lips left her staring into his eyes. Still dark as night, she wanted more now then ever for him to know how she felt. But before she got the chance to tell him, he was gone. Without warning he’d seem to have gotten up and jumped off the face of the earth. He didn’t show up for school the next few days. At most she thought he was sick. But as a week turned into two she was more confused now then ever. No one had seen him, not even heard a single word. The school was even at a loss to know where he was. She was sure he had to have a reason. It had to be something that he was hiding in those eyes. Something she just couldn’t find. To bad she found out to late, after he had already found her.

He came back three weeks later. In his time of absence there had been more then a few rumors about where he was. But she dismissed every crazy idea they could come up with from her mind. All that mattered is he was here, he was back. And she couldn’t wait till the end of the day so they could get on that bus, and rekindle the flame left behind. Surely he had missed her as much as she missed him.

Sitting in the seat, arms and hearts intertwined, she asked him where he’d been. She wanted to know why he’d left her with a single kiss and not an explanation as to why. He looked at her, eyes darker then normal. They were no longer mysterious, but deep and empty. Like a never ending black hole straight to his heart, that felt as cold as the metal bus wall on her back. Whispering in her ear, he said not to worry. Sending chills down her spine, he pulled her closer. Whispering again, voice softer then any whisper she ever heard, he grabbed her hand. Come here he said, let me show you. Her body went limp as his big hands devoured hers. Pulling her into himself, the pit of her stomach churned. He was taking her to places she’d had never seen, never even dared to go. His hand guiding hers, everything was out of her control. The world was spinning faster and faster around her head and he kept on whispering in her ear dirty things no girl should ever hear. These words went through her like knives, stabbing her insides and ripping her apart. Her heart was beating so fast she could barely breathe. Time seemed to be frozen, and she lost all sense of direction. All she could feel was his hand constricting hers. The quicker he moved to quicker she seemed to fall into a daze of confusion. Still going, she was looking for the words lost inside her head to make him stop. Please just stop, why wouldn’t he stop? Numb all over, she couldn’t move. Still over powering her, his free hand found its way to her thigh. Sliding along her skin it felt like fire. The fire burning up inside, she looked into his eyes and saw the monster that he was hiding all this time. Before he reached her hem the fire ignited in her brain and brought her back to life. Pushing him away in disgust, she had nothing to say. Ripping his hand off hers she pulled back so fast she hit the glass window behind her. Scared, he zippered his pants and found his seat across the isle. They sat there in silence for the rest of the ride.

Looking at her hands that were no longer hers, she couldn’t stop shaking. Tears falling down her face, she was empty. Dry heaving, she felt pain all over. With her heart broken into a million pieces she fell into bed. Suddenly to tired to even cry anymore she lay there. She lay there in silence and in the dark. Felling so low and miserable, she might as well of been dead. The grimace on his face found her at night and swallowed her whole. She couldn’t escape from this face that fallowed her everywhere she went. The picture permanently burned to her memory. Those dark eyes that made her melt; only make her cringe in fear. They haunted her as she walked through the halls, burning right through her skin. He dare not say a word to her, but he had no problem sharing with everyone else. This made her sick to her stomach, and no one could even being to understand. How could she possibly explain this to anyone? She was trapped inside her thoughts, just trying to hide. She was so young, not ready to see the world from a place high. And certainly not ready to fall that hard.

She was fourteen years old when she realized how cruel and cold the world was. He was 6”2’ and took advantage of her. He stole her innocence, and took the light right out of her eyes. Left to hide from the world she can’t understand. She never told a soul what happened that day. She never mentioned how bad it hurt. She figured if she kept it tucked away maybe she’d forget, and everything would go away. To bad it never did. If she closed her eyes tight enough she could still feel his breath on her skin. And in the silence of the night, she can hear him whispering in her ear. Locked inside her heart, he is her darkest secret. The nightmare she can’t wake up from.

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