Her curly, auburn hair whipped around her face as she peered over the side of the building. The billions of tiny lights from the cars and buildings below shone like the end of the proverbial tunnel, the gateway to heaven, or maybe she’d find hell at tunnel’s end. She didn’t care. She couldn’t care. Everything she knew was wrong and everyone she loved was gone. Not like that’s a long list, she smirked as she sunk her head back into the abyss of the rooftop.
The darkness engulfed her, inside and out. The surrounding buildings towered over her, adding to her looming feelings of insignificance. The rooftop was her own cave of despair, the perfect place to fulfill her final, dark deed.
She closed her blue-green eyes; they felt heavy with the weight of her world. She felt tears welling in her eyes. She inhaled. The cool night air flowed up her nostrils and down the back of her throat with a sting. She exhaled. Warm air came rushing from her mouth, sending out a puff of steam that dispersed and blended into the solid night air. Her eyes snapped open. Her gaze reached out for help, for hope, for faith, for anything, but grasped nothing, found nothing. She had nothing; nothing to live for, nothing to lose. Everything she wanted lay beyond this mortal coil, just barely out of her reach. Not for long. All she had to do was take a few… more… steps…
She collapsed mid step and caught her head with her hands. Tears trickled down her ivory cheeks and pooled in her palms like a salty hot spring. Why did she fear death? Death had surrounded her for so long it became as familiar as an old friend. Friends...What friends? He’s dead. They’re all dead. Griffin. Daniel. Jeremy. Grandma. Gran… She wretched on the ground. Grandpa. She toppled over onto her side, her limbs sprawled. She laid there for what felt like forever, even for someone who planned to throw herself into eternity. Her mind whirred with memories of her old life, her happy life. When Jeremy had held her hand, she could feel the love pulsing in his veins, but the pulse had left her and took her heart. Griffin and Daniel soon followed Jeremy and became mere shells of the people that now only resided in her memories. Nobody left in this world wanted her. It’s better this way, she got back on her unstable feet, for everyone.
She took a few shaky steps towards the edge. She reached the ledge. A ghastly, quivering leg appeared from under her flowing skirt. It raised her body onto the ledge. Her toes squeezed the edge, like the edge of a diving block.
Her eyes shut tight. They shut out the world. The world that shut her out, that shut her up and shut her down. The wind pressed on her back. It pushed her forwards. It pushed her towards her fate, towards eternity. Even God wanted her to die.
She raised her arms as steadily as she could in her state, and tottered onto the balls of her feet….
He strolled up the stairs, not knowing what he’d find. Not really searching for anything. Julia’s mom said she went to the rooftop, nothing unusual about that. Ever since her grandpa died, she started going up there more and more. It worried her Mom, but Carsten knew better. Julia was a thinker and a dreamer. He had watched her drift off into her head many a time during class, always scribbling into her notebook. He wanted to know what wonderful things she had written about, probably about Jeremy. Carsten knew she missed him. How could he blame her? A huge part of her life fell off the face of the planet. That could break any soul.
He hoped she wrote about him, at least a little. He may have had other girls on his mind but she eclipsed the rest. I doubt I mean even that much to her. He sighed. No girl wants me, especially Julia. Why would a smart, talented, beautiful girl want my worthless self?
The Roof, at last. He pushed the silver bar on the heavy metal door. Maybe his chance to tell her how he felt had finally come. The wind grabbed the door and slammed it on the concrete wall. His eyes widened. No…
“Julia!” His desperate cry reached out through the dark and tugged at her shoulder, fighting the murderous wind.
His voice pulled her back on her heels and whipped her head around. “Carsten…” she breathed at his blackened form.
He fell to his knees. The gravel dug through his jeans, into his shins. He didn’t care. Tears flowed from his mahogany eyes. His hand was gripped the door knob so hard the veins popped on the back of his hand and all the way up his arm.
She stood frozen, staring. Her stinging tears of loss became soothing with realization. I’m such a fool…
She stepped slowly towards him. Eternity passed in the moments it took to reach him. She fell before him, not daring to look him in the face, and touched her forehead to his shoulder. Julia’s body heaved as she openly sobbed on Carsten’s shoulder. “I’m sorry! I’m such a fool, a damn fool! Forgive me please!” She took his face in her hands and held it close to her own. A stab of guilt shot though her entire body. The agony of what she almost did strew across his face. Her hands dropped. She laid her head back down on his strong shoulder. “I’m sorry,” her whisper barely escaped her lips.
“Why…” he choked. “How… how could you do this?” He grabbed her shoulders and forced her to look him in his pain filled eyes, “how could you do this to me?!”
She melted. She scanned his face. She could hardly bear it. She felt the need to run but she couldn’t. She had to stop hiding behind dead feelings and dead people.
“How could you not know,” his eyes softened, still shiny with tears, “how much you mean to me?”
Julia nearly jumped with surprise. Someone cared about her and possibly even… loved her? How did this happen? When did this happen? Everyone she had ever loved had left her… She thought life had ended with them, that every chance of happiness had died with them.
“Because I’m stupid, selfish and…. And scared.”
Carsten smiled, “you have nothing to be afraid of, not anymore.” He brushed a stray curl off of her smooth, ivory face.
A new fountain of tears sprung from her eyes. She threw her arms around his neck, ran her fingers up through his curly, dark hair and yanked him closer to her. Their lips embraced. New life shot through her body and made her glow.
She didn’t know exactly what she had found in him, but she knew she had found a new beginning for herself, and that’s all she really needed.