A Monologue by Greg House

October 8, 2009
God doesn't love or care about you. If he did you wouldn't be here right now begging for my help. I've been to the "other side" and believe me, there is nothing, I repeat nothing there waiting for you. There's no party with all your ancestors there welcoming you, no red man with a tail and pitch fork waiting to make your life truly a living hell, no choir of angels singing or anything like that. This whole idea of God and salvation is a part of the spoonful of lies your mommy and daddy shoved down your throat when you were just an annoying little thing that just took up space. It's not lupus, the spineless ass kisser that told you it was lupus was wrong. As wrong as he was when he earned his Ph.D in medicine. It's never lupus. You actually have a very serious case of encephalitis which was most likely caused by rabies which you probably got during that weekend you decided not to listen to teacher and do your homework, but instead wanted to pet the cutest fuzziest little animal you could find. But that adorable little creature was actually hiding a secret that could kill you. yes you heard me you are going to die, because you weren't smart enough to come straight to the doctor so you might have a chance to live. But no you decided the brown liquid in the red plastic cups and white dust all over the sour patch kids that shouldn't be there looked like more fun. So yes now you can go pray to the invisible almighty that has put you in this position. I hope you enjoy your so called after life. Hey...are you even listening to me? (Patient begins to have a seizure.)

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