The Other Day

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"I'm leaving you and be sure to buy some fresh milk" that was the last thing he heard her say before she leapt through the window. Luckily it was a ground floor window and she was able to get up and walk to her car. He took a moment to absorb what had just happened, took note of her buy fresh milk reminder then continued to eat his left over stew.

Now he was on his way to see her to discuss the divorce, she had wanted an out of court settlement, so she told the judge to meet them outside the court. Looking at his watch he realised it had stopped about two days ago and subsequently he was a couple of hours early, so he decided to take a stroll though the park to take his mind off things. Sitting down on a bench he began to think of a dream he had that night before, where a group of disenchanted religious figures were asking him for guidance despite the fact he wasn't a moral authority on anything other then how to make a good toasted sandwich and which kind of know to use when attaching a tarp to a bear, running away from them doesn't help so in an act of desperation he leaps off a cliff, but instead of falling into the sea he falls into a small diner where he applies for work as a chef.

"What does it mean?" he asked himself standing back up and walking along this less then beaten side walk. He stopped into a nearby café and ordered two coffees, one for himself and one for anyone else. The anyone else turned out to be an old school friend who happened to be sitting in a corner reading Crime and Punishment which immediately attracted him to her. She was much more beautiful then he remembered and they had a few laughs about old times and she found his current situation very amusing. He had to leave and they didn't exchange numbers, he figured it was just one of those nice things.

On the final leg of journey he began to think of his marriage in its entirety. Had he really been such a bad husband. He had only had a few insights into married life as a child. There were his parents of course who masked their arguments by doing the Charleston. His grandparents who after sixty years of marriage still felt that pure hatred for each other they felt when they first met, she was getting married and he wandered into the church drunk he wasn't her fiancée but she didn't want to make a scene so she pretended he was and they got married to save face, then they stayed together out of spite. The only other example of a marriage he seen was Mr Waltz across the street who seemed to have a very good relationship with Mrs Waltz, he used to bring her some flowers at least once a week. Then everyone found out the Mrs Waltz was nothing more then a vase with a picture of Margaret Thatcher glued on to it. The flowers were simply to stop it from being empty.

Soon he could see his wife in the distance, tapping her feet with impatience, soon she began snapping her fingers too and when the judge took out his trumpet it turned into some sort of jazz concert. Now the time for progressive jazz was over and they got down to business. "Stephen, I want half of the kids" she said. "My name isn't Stephen and we have no kids" was his cunning reply. Though of course it was true, then indeed had no children, she had just always wanted some and so fabricated some imaginary one, making it easier to divide them in half.

After several minutes of bickering, a break for tea and cake and several more minutes of bad your moma' jokes the judge had decided he heard enough. "I sentence you both to death" he said. This came as no surprise to the unhappy couple so they shook hands and decided to go their separate ways. They later found out the judge was nothing more then a daredevil mugger trying to rob them and so disregarded his legal opinion and final ruling.





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