“This is my favorite room in my house: The master bedroom. The first things you’ll see are the three person jacuzzi, my amazing Serta king size mattress, the giant closets, the Vizio flat screen TV that’s as big as a horse, and my computer. The warm, rock fireplace keeps you cozy like being enveloped in an oven all day. Something you may not see is the crack in the wall that’s hidden by the picture frame that’s as crooked as a crazy man’s teeth.”

“Shut up! I’m sleeping!”

“I’m sorry, that’s my friend, Chelsie. She’s usually in here during the day. She’s my person patrolman, always walking around in here, looking through everything.”

“Sierra, may I ask what you’re doing parading people around your house like this?”

“What do you think I’m doing? I’m obviously giving a tour.”

“Oh.”

“Could you turn the flippin TV down? Forget it, where’s the remote?”

“I don’t know. Do your neighbor’s dogs always bark like they’re on crack?”

“Ugh, I give up. On to the bathroom! First off you’ll see the mirrors, sinks, cabinets, towels, and rainfall shower with a tub that’s as big as a football field
connected. You may not notice the chip the size of a snowflake in the mirror, but it’s there. When you’re in this bathroom, you can hear the TV because there are speakers in the ceiling. It’s a Cinderella setup.”