Where Is The Remote?

November 25, 2009
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Pounded on for hours on end, the remote is giving confidence to 99 percent of Americans. The remote is not just a device used to change the channel on the television; it gives Americans a sense of power, a sense of freedom. The remote is never fruitless. Day after day, buttery, sweaty, dirty fingers are thrown on remote and it does not complain. Zealous to its job, the remote works 24 hours a day seven days a week 52 days a week. Sanguine to the new day, the remote is ready.
The remote is also used for other services: A toy to play fetch with the dog, a workout machine, a napkin, and a toy that is constantly playing hide and go seek. Along with more services. The remote is not intended to inundate. Yet Americans garbled the device. Being used for over a century, the remote doesn’t know what its use is today: Hours of being sat on by the user, unhappy buttery fingers throwing it at the wall, being squeezed between the sofa cushions. Yet the remote finds ways to stay phlegmatic.
Being a source of confidence the remote corroborates user’s decisions. Showing the user the way is one of the remotes favorite things to do. Not only does the user have a comprehensive feel for the remote, the remote, over time will adjust to the user’s preferences. Whenever its buttons are pressed, the remote laughs hysterically. Confident, durable, and squishy is three words that describe it. It doesn’t have to coerce the user to use it. Americans have found that 99 percent watch television just to get their daily finger exercises in. Without the remote, the television is nothing. Without the television, Americans are not entertained. Without entertainment, we do not live long happy lives.
Warning: The remote has been found to be poignant after first use and may be found to be addictive.

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