PROLOGUE





The words came out of his mouth, and I about died on the spot. Those words Matt said just kept ringing in my head. All the childhood memories flashed, and I slid to my knees. Beside me, Brooke sobbed louder than ever. My heart seemed to skip out of place. It was uneven and detached. The voice I had ached to hear, and still do, was now gone forever. Irreplaceable. The boy that we were so close to was now gone, and we didn’t even get to say goodbye to him. He always told us that if we ever died or left, that he would die too. At that time I didn’t really believe he would do it, but it happened. Logan was gone… forever.
“This is all my fault,” Brooke chocked out. She kept repeating it and suddenly her words were muffled by Matt’s hug, quieting her down.
“No, it’s not your fault.” Matt managed to get out through his cries. I could hear the pain in his voice, his only brother had killed himself.

I just stayed on my knees. I couldn’t even cry, not even the tiniest bit. I prayed to god that this was all a dream. After our getaway, I never imagined this to happen. This is impossible, I thought, he can’t be dead. There is no way. Our best friend, our brother was dead.

I finally broke out of my trance and got to my feet. When I looked at Matt to start asking questions, I studied his expression. I soon realized that he was staring in Brooke’s direction. I turned my gaze towards her, only to see her running up the hill towards “our house”. I opened my mouth to protest, but, it was just to late. I decided that the only thing I could do now was find my way to my old house. I hugged Matt and made my way. When I walked past Corey’s house, I couldn’t even look at them. Greg called to me, but I ignored him. I just couldn’t talk to anyone.

As I reached the driveway to my home that I once lived 3 years ago, I stopped to debate. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all. I’ll just find my way back, I thought. God, who am I kidding? I’ll get lost and find some hobo out there. I took a deep breath, and walked to the porch. My legs shook as I made a knock on the door. After less than a minute, the door swung open and Brittany, my sister in law, stood with Marissa, my niece, at her feet. Brittany looked a little taller than before, and now had longer blonde hair. Her teeth were straight, and she looked healthy. I couldn’t believe how big Marissa had gotten. She stood about 3 feet tall and had shoulder length blonde hair. Her eyes were still bright blue, like mine.
“Yes?” Brittany stood with a confused expression on her face.
“Do you remember me?” I said shyly. Her eyes widened and her hand went to her mouth.
“Kaytee?!” I burst through the door and hugged her with my eyes watering. We stood, body to body, for about 2 minutes and finally Marissa broke our silence.
“Momma, whose that?” She pointed towards me with her small fingers. I dropped to my knees and looked into her beautiful blue eyes.
“You were so little when I last saw you. Marissa… I’m your daddy’s sister. I used to baby-sit you and play with you all the time.” She seemed shy, like her daddy. Her body swung from side to side and she lowered her head.
“Wait! I’ve seen you in pictures.” She said. I smiled at her, and she smiled back. She held her arms out wide, asking for a hug, and I took it.

After our long hug, I stood up. The house didn’t look much different. I noticed in the living room the piano was gone, and the T.V. was bigger. Of course, I laughed in my head as I thought of Dad. The couches were a brighter color than our old dark green ones. The walls were a golden color, decorated with old pictures of me and newer pictures of Marissa and Bobby, my younger brother. My eyes finally reached an old picture hung on the wall. Me, Timmy (my older brother), and Bobby stood in the living room. Timmy and I were laughing, probably at Mom, and Bobby had a wide smile on his face. In that picture, I assumed I was 12, Timmy was 18, and Bobby was 11. I could not believe how different I now looked. Suddenly, I heard footsteps reaching the living room. Timmy walked in, and he looked as confused as Brittany did.
“Whose this?” He asked.
“Tim, it’s your sister,” she said slowly.
“No. Your kidding me, right?” He walked towards me and held my face in his big hands as he studied me. His expression changed from confused to stunned. Tim’s arms surrounded me in an instant and he almost squeezed the life out of me.
“Where have you been?” He cried, still holding me.
“I’m so sorry.” I replied, my voice weak. My mother came down the stairs with a basket of clothes. She was thin, unusually thin. Her hair was shoulder length and dark brown.
“Who was at the door?” She asked and looked my way. I broke out of Tim’s arms and ran to Mom, bringing her into a tight hug. She smelled of cigarette smoke and perfume, and her body felt different in my arms. So different…