How To Become A Starving Artist

May 8, 2009
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First, you’ll lose your job and become a caffeine addict. Soon afterwards your boyfriend will break up with you because “he wants to see other people.” Of course, he’ll take the apartment that you paid for the past three years. You’ll then buy a studio looking over the beach since it’s more efficient for you.


Over the next few months you’ll try to find a new hobby and discover that you have an odd obsession with David Bowie and why he wears more make-up than you do. After a while you’ll become bored with your life. Nothing excites you besides art. You won’t believe in phones, shoes, or the government. After a while you’ll start rebelling against your society and realize that your hobby has become graffiti. But while in the act of your artistic ability, the police will catch you and throw you in jail for the night. He calls it “destruction of public property” and you’ll wonder if Salvador Dali ever spent the night in jail. Thinking of this, you laugh, because Salvador Dali was a surrealist and it didn’t matter what he did.

You’ll soon become broke since all of your expenses went towards drugs and paint. At this point you’ll start selling your artwork on the street. You might get ten dollars a day but it’s still not enough to afford rent.

You’re homeless, an addict, and have no friends. You’ve become a starving artist, struggling to survive in this economy. Smile at this thought, and consider suicide.





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Jennax3 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 20, 2009 at 4:54 am
Wow, I really love this... it's like an instruction manual! Even though the subject isn't necessarily something to laugh about, your writing has made it humorous. This is one of the best works I've come across in a while. You are a truly talented writer who has a flair for comedy. Keep up the awesome work :)
 
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