I had the most wonderful dream last night...I don't remember what it was about exactly, because...well, you know how it is with dreams; they're elusive. But, I remember waking up and wanting so desperately to sleep again. I wasn't tired at all, but I...I just missed the feeling of being -happy-. How ironic...the first time I've felt happy in years, and it was all just a dream.

No, please don't go! I understand if you'd like to not talk to me, but I have one question. It seems kind of weird to ask but, are -you- being mean to -me-? I can't tell if I did something to make you angry or if it was the other way around. It's just, I see you with your friends, and you seem so bright and full of life. I love you when you're like that, but whenever -I'm- around you...wilt. We used to be so happy! Don't you remember? We used to laugh and joke and live our lives as if we were the most carefree people in the world. And it seems like it was so long ago. Do you remember when we went to that beach in California? You said the strangest thing to me...You told me that you wish you could swim to where the ocean meets the sky. It wasn't really the type of statement that you should spoil by responding to it. It's the kind that lingers in the air, like a waft of a sweet, unidentifiable scent...and makes you think. So I just sat and thought about it. That's when I realized that that's what I've been doing my whole life--trying to swim to where the ocean meets the sky. And every once in awhile it feels as if I'm just inches away. But I'm always so far off...and I can only swim for so much longer. I don't want to drown.