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Blood trickled down my skin as I forced the blade on to my wrist, pain shot through my body instantly as I watched the blood drip to the ground. I wasn’t trying to kill myself, it would be the better thing to do, but yet I wasn’t. My dad wasn’t home yet and this was the perfect time to do so. My dad was gone out drinking like usual, and I was home alone attempting to kill myself but not trying to. I cut myself almost every night, to ignore the pain that was coming. Every night my dad abuses me, kicks me and shoves me up against the wall. He doesn’t think when he does this, his breathe strong with the scent of alcohol. A few months ago, I found out a cure for myself. If I slit before he comes the pain on my wrist is so strong I can’t feel the pain of my sides being kicked at and my body being tossed against the wall. I’m an only child, so I don’t have to worry about any brothers or sisters going through what I am. School is hell, I have no friends and classes are boring. It’s better this way though, having no one knowing about the pain. If I had friends they would eventually guess what happens to me every night and they would get help. What would happen to me after that? My dad would be gone and my mom is already gone. I would be sent off to a foster family or an adoption center and that’s somewhere no kid should be. Especially me.
The television was on a low volume I wasn’t actually listening to whatever is playing. Just pretending to watch as I waited to the noise of the footsteps of my dad coming up the stairs. I tried to pay attention to the TV, something about celebrities, but my mind kept drifting off to the door and the stairs, which lay behind me. With terror I heard a sudden crack and dared to look back. The door started to crack open with a sudden BOOM is slammed against the wall. I watched his eyes follow me to the couch as he stepped in the house. I knew what was coming but yet I ran to the other room, my heart beating fast as he approached the kitchen. My eyes followed to the kitchen counter, s***, I thought I forgot to clean up the blood. The bright red blood practically glowed on the white plastic counters. It was latterly impossible to miss. He stepped in the room and my head started to pound he twisted his head over to the counter and shouted, “what did you do Chrissie!” he ran over to the counter and grabbed the bloody knife with lay in one of my pools of blood. Chrissie isn’t my name, my name is Skyler. Chrissie was my moms name and my mom left us when I was two. She’s long gone know, but when my dads drunk I think he thinks that I’m my mother. I know for reality, I’m never going to be my mother, she’s cruel and cold hearted for leaving me. Leaving me with dad, who she knew he was dangerous, I knew it. Suddenly dad turned his furious eyes at me, he dropped the bloody knife and grabbed my arm, swinging me and tossing me to the floor. “Why Chrissie, Why!” he shouted tears suddenly poring from his eyes. I lay there helplessly as he kicked my rib cage. I screamed as he punched the bruise that he had made the other night, just to make it bigger and blacker. He grabbed my arm and dragged me to the counter, grabbed the knife and cut a deep wound through my leg. Suddenly I felt pain, this was more painful then my wrists. He never cut me before, why know. I decided it was time that I would fight back. I screamed and shouted and struggled up to me feet. I limped away from him, instantly he barged out of the room and up to his own room. Which he would stay for the rest of the night, I lay helplessly. With my two elbows I pulled myself up and dragged myself to the room, which was up-stairs, behind me lay a trail of blood.
The birds sang and the sun shone, happiness filled the mossy spring air on the early Tuesday morning. My mood? The opposite. My leg was stinging and stained with bright red blood. My head was pounding and my hand shook. I drowsily got out and dragged myself to the bathroom. I looked into the mirror, a big black bruise lay under my eye and my lip was swollen. I turned to my side I had a big dark bruise on my leg. It had been cut and bloodstains were hustled around it. I sighed and grabbed the peroxide on the counter above my head. I twisted the bottle cap open and pored the peroxide on my bright red cut. It stung like hell and fizzed like a bunch of a bunch of Fizz Candy in your mouth. I lightly screamed and grabbed the small towel hanging up beside my head and shoved it on to the cut. After it was done disinfecting I walked to my room and picked out my clothes for the day, a long black sweater with black pants. I found out that using long black clothing was easy when you needed to cover up bruises and scars. All I have is black clothing. I walked passed the broken mirror in my room and picked up the eyeliner that lay on the counter. I looked into the reflection of myself in the broken mirror and started putting the eyeliner on my eye. Think layers of black make-up was soon all around my eyes. It covered up the bruise perfectly, I grabbed my book-bag full of already done homework. There was an advantage to not have any friends, homework was always done on time. I walked out of my room and down the stairs, with a slam of the heavy wood door I was out of the house and ready for school.
I loved school! It gave me a chance to get away from my crazy house and to relax. Of course, at school I get tons of stares by the other kids. That doesn’t bother me too much, they can think whatever they want to think. It can’t hurt me more then I’m already being hurt. I walked down the cluttered hot halls kids were pushing there way through to my left and to my right. When I got to my locker I fiddled with the lock and it snapped open. Opening my locker I grabbed my book to my next class, Language Arts. I hate Language Arts, writing stories and reading books isn’t what I do best. Then theirs that kid who sits beside me, his name is Alex and he is super annoying. He always stares at me like something from outer space! I always feel like turning around and telling him off, but that’s not me at all and I don’t want him to know that he is getting on my nerves. Any who, as I walked into the Language Arts class I noticed I was the only one there, that didn’t matter much its not like I have anywhere to be. I took my seat and pulled my chair closer to the desk, the little squeak it that came out of the chair made the teacher, Mrs. E, raise up her head, “Skyler what are you doing here!” she said,
“Well I’m here for class,” I said, confused.
“The warning bell hasn’t even gone of yet, dear,” She giggled a little. I liked Mrs. E she was funny.
“Well you can never be to early for class,” I said.
“Alright,” she said with a nod of her head. I put my head on my desk and doodled on a piece of paper. Coloring was something that I was good at it was a lot more fun then writing stories. My mom was an artist, I remember her when I was little helping me color the sunset one night. I don’t have a lot of memories about my mother, only little bits and pieces. That was one of my favorite maybe my mother wasn’t so bad. That doesn’t mean I don’t hate her guts. Soon the warning bell sounded off and kids started to fill the class. I rolled my eyes when Alex walked in of course once again he was starring at me, damn he was annoying.
The day passed by fast, too fast. Soon I was walking into the lights of my home, ready to face the terror that happened last night all over again. I stepped into my kitchen and once again felt the drip of blood running down my wrist.
The days passed by, week, after week, night, after night. Some bruises healed, some of them stayed the same. Alex kept starring at me, Language Arts continued to be boring and life stayed the same. What I didn’t know is my life was about to change forever. It all started on a rainy day. I stepped into the halls. Once again make-up cover my eyes. I limped a little this time, I had sprained my ankle, dad pushed me down a small flight of stairs last night. I pulled my locker lock open and suddenly I felt a pair of cold fingers on my shoulder. That was unexpected I thought as I turned around to see Alex standing behind me, great what did it want, I thought.
“Hi Sky,” he said, what the heck, I thought as I looked down at his hand it was shaking.
“ugh… hi?” I said back. I kind of stuttered a little, I wasn’t used to talking to people.
“Umm.. are you okay?” he said looked into my eyes. “you look pretty down,” what did he know? I thought, god this was none of his business!
“Why do you care!” I spat back at him and ran off.
“Wait!” he shouted, of course I ignored him. I ran around the corner and soon he was out of site. Not knowing what to do I sat near the ledge of a window and watched the rain drizzle down on the glass. Soon I heard a familiar voice behind me, like an angel from the past, I soon figured out it was no angel, “I’m sorry if I scared you Sky, but I’m just extra curious I don’t know how your family got here, where you came from and what’s your problem”
What the heck! What did he now? No wonder he starred at me in class. “Why do you care!” I screamed at him. He grabbed my arm to try to sit me back down, I turned around and gave him the dirtiest look that I could and said, “let go of me or I’ll call the guards on you,” and he let go letting me free. As soon as he let go to my arm I ran to the bathroom. Tears were poring down my cheek when I walked into one of the stalls. No one has ever asked me about this before. Was it really noticeable that I was in pain, that I needed help? I really tried covering it up. I really did. I cleared my tears away and went to my locker, to my horror I realized what class I had next, Language Arts.
I took my normal seat, thoughts ran through my head as I fiddled with my pencil. Please god, please make something happen to Alex so that he doesn’t have to sit beside me! Got sick, skipped class or even hit by a bus for all I care. Then all of a sudden I heard the sound of guys laughing and instantly almost felt like I was going to puke. Alex took his seat beside me,
“hey again,” he said. Great what now,
“What do you want” I snapped.
“I’m curious” he said to my surprise. What the flip was that supposed mean!
“Ya well I’m curious why you’re curious,” I told him, this was my turn to get smart.
“I want to know who you are,” he leaned forward expecting me to probable tell him. He wants to know who I am? I got seriously mad it was very tempting not to through my pencil at his huge ugly forehead,
“What if don’t want you to know who I am!” I screamed at the top of my lungs, she face red with anger and my fist forced down on my desk. Suddenly kids all around us were starring, he noticed it too and he stopped talking. I turned myself away from Alex and the class soon started.
My light sweater was soaked through the moment I got home. I had got caught in the rain, drenched from running home. I missed the bus and I had no choice but to walk my butt 6 kilometers. When I stepped into my house I was really tired, excited to go up to my room and sleep before cutting I open the door. When I stepped into the house I realized something was wrong, terribly wrong. My dad’s car was in the driveway. He was back from drinking early, this was really rare. Maybe he wasn’t drunk maybe he never went to the bar? I thought when I stepped into the house, that’s when I realized I was wrong, terribly wrong. My dad was waiting for me, with a huge smile on his face. In his hand he held a knife, its shiny medal form played like a mirror to my red couch, making the knife look blood red. My heart started to race and a million miles an hour,
“Chrissie, what took you so long to come home darling,” dad said grinning.
“I’m not Chrissie. I’m Skyler,” I introduced myself for the millionth time.
Fine then, if that’s what you want me to call you Chris, Skyler it is. Now Skyler I need to talk to you about something.” He said
“See this knife,” he pointed the knife at me violently. The knife was very familiar, it had often been covered in blood. You guessed it. It was my cutting knife.
“You hurt yourself with it, don’t you.” He said. I wasn’t going to lie
“Every night,” I told him. His eyes suddenly turned to me with fury but mixed with shock. Great, I thought, look what I did know.
“Well I guess I’ll have to hurt you every night to make you stop,” he said, Was he nuts? He already hurts me every night!
“You already do hurt me every night can’t you see that!” I yelled. Suddenly he grabbed my shoulders and pinned me to the wall.
“Don’t you dare every say that again Chrissie,” he yelled. With a bang he threw me to the floor. I smashed my wrist against the side of the table. I screamed and grabbed a hold of my wrist.
“It’s broken!” I screamed.
“Shut it, Chris,” he yelled as he grabbed a hold of my broken wrist. He tore my fists open and forced the shiny metal against the bare skin of my palm. Cutting through the deep skin and creating a brand new cut. It didn’t get better he kept the knife forced against my skin as I screamed in pain. I tore my hand away and he let go, as I tried to roll away he grabbed my other hand and cut it the same way he did to the other. This time I put up a fight, my two hands were bleeding but I fought the pain and tried to crawl away. He grabbed my sore ankle and tore me back cracking my ribs against the table legs. Once he heard the bang of my ribs he let me go. I used the chance and got up and ran upstairs. He didn’t follow. I limped up the stairs quickly and ran into the bathroom locking the door behind me. I’d clean up the trail of blood that I was leaving after. I turned on the sink and stuck my hands under the freezing water. The cold immediately ran through my body and I felt the urge to pull my hand away. Of course I didn’t, I forced my hand to stay under at the cold water soaking all the blood away.
The next morning I was furious, doing my make-up and getting dressed I realized what my dad had done, last night I thought a lot. I was thinking about my dad and me. He didn’t remember what he did to me every night. How could he not? Last night I could tell he wasn’t that drunk, so know he was trying to kill me on purpose. This is going to far, maybe I should tell someone what he’s doing to me. Those are the words I thought as I walked up to my bright red locker and fiddled with the lock like every morning. Suddenly to the corner of my eye I saw Alex at his locker nearby. Whoever I told that person wouldn’t be Alex, that’s for sure. I should warn him, I thought, maybe then he would leave me alone. I walked up to him, our eyes instantly met. “I’m sorry,” I then blurted out
He looked confused, “for what exactly?”
I came up with anything, “I was rude to you yesterday, sorry.” I was about to turn away when once again he started to push my buttons.
“So tell me Sly, a little bit about yourself. Mainly I want to know if you’re okay.” He said pointing down to my ankle that warped up with this stretchy material I had found in my bathroom. The bright white material really showed on my black shoes, no wonder he noticed. I got sort of mad at him,
“Okay dude I tried to be nice but you don’t get it do you? There is NOTHING wrong with me!” I shouted at him,
His next words took me by surprise, “don’t lie,” he said. How did he know I was lying? So I gave into him,
“FINE! There is something wrong with me, but don’t you get it? Why do you think I hide, why do you think I don’t want to talk about it? Because I don’t want anyone to know, Alex, nobody, especially you” and with that I walked away. Was this my last conversation with Alex? Probably not, I thought but I hoped it was.
School passed by fast that day, except at the end when my math teacher Mrs. Jacobs kept the whole class in after the bell. I was running late when I had realized I forgot my L.a homework in my locker. After I ran back to my locker to get my homework I realized something wrong. All the buses had left and I was left at school once again, stuck walking home. Oh well, I thought. At least it wasn’t raining. I glanced at the woods beside me if I cut through the woods I could get home faster giving me more time at home alone if dad wasn’t there. I started to walk through, I could hear birds singing and chirping and the crack of my footsteps on the branches bellow me. All of a sudden I heard a crack in the distance, I turned around and nothing was there. Then I saw it, it was Alex, his face was bright red and he was running. The look of fear swept over his face as he kept getting closer and closer to me. He hadn’t spotted me yet, so I ran behind a tree hiding myself. Suddenly I realized why he was so scared. Danny and Shay the bullies of the school were running close behind him. Suddenly Alex tripped over a rock and went flying, leaving him stranded on the ground. Danny and Shay were really close to him now, starring at the helpless boy on the ground. They started to speak to him but I was pretty far and I couldn’t hear. Suddenly they started kicking at him, Alex screamed with pain. I could hear that really clearly. Suddenly blood started coming out of Alex’s mouth. Shay and Danny suddenly looked scared and they ran off leaving Alex there. I had to do something, I though. Poor Alex, no wonder he’s worried about me. He’s getting abused like I am! It’s a different kind of abuse but close enough. He would know what I was going through, I thought. Okay time to go help him, I ran up to Alex and crouched over to him. He had stopped coughing up blood and he was getting up, when he looked up and saw me he gasped,
“Sky?” he said surprised, “how did you get here? Did you see,”
“Yes Alex, I did see everything. You have to tell someone about this!” I said. I wasn’t going to tell him about my problem just yet.
“I can’t Sky! They’ll just come back and get me some more,” he said tears suddenly appeared in his eyes. I suddenly understood Alex, he wasn’t the annoying kid who sat beside me in class. He was a person in pain. Just like me.
The months past and me and Alex became friends. I never told him what I problem was, he asked a few times but I just got mad at him every time. He stopped talking about it after he realized it made me mad. He knew something was wrong with me but he never mentioned it. Soon, Alex and I were best friends. He hung out less and less with his old friends and more with me. I went to his house a few times, happy to get away from my dad once in awhile. Then one day after my dad had cut me again with a knife, he rarely did, I was so mad I could tell the world. I was scarred if I told Alex he wouldn’t help me. That wasn’t Alex, I thought as I pushed my hair back one night on the way to his house, he would understand. Shay and Danny still beat him up after school almost everyday, he had to understand.
“Alex,” I brought it up in the middle of our game of Sorry! that same night.
“Yah, Sky?” He answered.
“I’m ready to tell you my problem but you have to promise you won’t tell anyone,” I said lifting up my head to his so we we’re eye to eye.
“Okay, I promise,” he said. Then I told him everything. I started when it all started he knew my mother had left me when I was really young so I started there and how it got worse and worse night after thing. “Wow Sky,” he said, “no wonder you didn’t want to tell me that is pretty bad.” He looked worried.
“You’re the only person that knows.” I said.
He’s eyes grew wide and he took a breath, “do you want it to stop?” he asked
“Of course I do,” I answer. “But I don’t want to live with anyone but my dad.” I had explained to him before that I didn’t want to go anywhere but home, no orphanage for me thank you very much.
“Sky,” he said playing with his thumbs, “your getting abused a lot worse then mine is. I understand of course but you can’t let your dad keep doing this to you.”
“I know,” I answered, “I only told you because I trust you.”
“Maybe you should go up to student services tomorrow, and talk to the people there,” he said. I knew where he was getting at he wanted me to tell someone. I decided to ignore the conversation, “I have to go Alex, bye” I got up.
“Sky! Wait!” he shouted,
“Ill see you tomorrow,” I said as I ran out the door.
It was pretty sunny out the next day, my dad didn’t come home at all last night so I was in a pretty good mood. The warning bell had just rung at school and I took my seat in my usual place in Language Arts. This was the only class I shared with Alex and I was meeting him here later. Suddenly I grew very worried when the final bell rang and he didn’t show up for class. He was here today I had saw him before I came to class. I started to fiddle in my seat as I grew more nervous. He didn’t show up for the rest of the class. After class when it was time to go home he didn’t show up at all. Maybe he went home after lunch because he didn’t feel well I thought when I climbed into the yellow school bus.
Tonight, for the millionth time I saw the bright red blood trip on the white counter what I didn’t know is that it would be my last.
I was up in my room when dad got home around ten. He stomped up the stairs and into my room, not bothering to knock. He didn’t say a word to me he just grabbed my shoulders and threw me against the wall. My back slammed against a portrait of my mother when she was little and it crashed to the floor in bits and pieces. “Now look what you have done!” he shouted. He grabbed my foot and swung me to the floor dragging me out of my room and to the stairs. Was he going to pull me down? I though. No, he couldn’t. When he started to pull more I realized that my thought before had been right. He was getting ready to pull me down the huge flight of stairs. I braised myself as my body clunked down step after step after step. At the last clunk my head was throbbing and my back screaming with pain. I sat myself up and felt the behind of my head. It was covered in bright red blood. I shouted, “STOP!” and showed my hand to my dad. Blood always got him away he instantly backed off and went to his room.
The cold shower stung my body like a thousand bees stinging at your sides. It wasn’t so bad at least it was cleaning the blood away and preventing it from swelling. I looked down at my feet the water from the shower had been died red. All the blood from my head, I sighed. After my shower I crawled back in bed. I was about to fall asleep when I heard the sound of a police siren in the distance. I looked out my window and three cop calls came flying into my yard. Six policemen got out of their cars a quickly made there way to the door of my house. I flung out of my bed and down the stairs, ignoring the instant pain of my ankle which shot threw my body. I got to the bottom of the stairs. I saw my dad resisting three policemen, screaming, shouting and kicking his way out of their grasp. One of the policemen saw me and rushed over to me, I sprang to help my father but the big bulky policemen grabbed me back. Dad caught my eye and said, “Don’t arrest me!” he shouted, “she’s the one that left us, its all that little witches fault.” Those were the last words I heard from my father, or at least that’s what I thought.
3 Years Later
It’s been three happy years. The policemen that had held me back last night explained everything to me. It took them so long to come and get me because I had nowhere to go. Alex had gone up to Student Services and told them what was happening to me. That’s who had called the police. Chrissie, my mother had a lost identity so no one could find her. Luckily she had a sister that lived in the next town that I didn’t know about. She was my Aunt her name is Anna. I love Anna, she accepted to take custody of me and I’ve been living with her for three whole years. It took me a long time to forgive Alex for what he had done to me, he had promised he wouldn’t tell anyone and he disobeyed me. After a few months I forgave him since it was his fault that my life was now a happy place. I owned only a few pieces of black clothing know and no black make-up at all. I’m happy know, nothing could put me down again, then there was that one day…
It was a happy hot summer day, I had just left from a party I was invited to. The sun was going down and I was walking home in my wet batting suit covering with a flannel white dress. The sun was going down and the weather was getting cooler. Soon the streetlights turned on and I was walking home in the dark, I was almost home now but this was the horrible part, since I was at the pool party all day I didn’t hear the warning about the jail escape that happened today. My dad has escaped from jail, he was out to get me and I didn’t know a thing about it. It was so quite out I could hear the slight boom of my flip-flops hitting the ground as I walked on the sidewalk, suddenly I heard I footstep behind me. My heart pace quickened as I turned and looked what was behind me, nothing. Just a squirrel, I thought as I started at a slow jog, my house seemed a million miles away now. Suddenly a black figure jumped out of the woods, he held a knife in his hand, a kitchen knife. I screamed and tried to make a run for it, the black figure grabbed my arm and pulled me back, swinging me down to the ground. He swung at me with his arm, his hood game flying off and I saw who he was, dad. He had grown older and the whites of his hair practically glowed now, he had big ugly bags under his eyes and a crooked, yet evil smile. Sitting beside me he grabbed my hand and cut a deep wound in it. He was enjoying this I could tell it reminding him of old memories. My hand and been cut and deep and I could tell this was going to be the night of my death. I got up and ran just to be pulled down again, I fell hard on my wrist and screamed in pain. He took the knife and threatened to stab me, I grabbed his hand. The dagger was getting close and closer to me I forced back, my heart was beating faster then it ever beat before. The knife was so close know, why was I fighting him, I was dead meat anyway. I was going to let go, but something stopped him. A car swung to a stop near us, out of the car jumped out a girl. She was small with light blond hair, he brown eyes were wide with fear as she ran over to dad and I and pushed him away. She scooped me up and held me in her hands, there was something about her, I thought. Like an old image or memory, she kind of looked like Anna! Police swung from my left and right, grabbing my Dad and throwing him in the cruiser. The women took me in to her own car, I didn’t struggle I went with her, I don’t know why there was something about her, then the sudden scent her brought everything back, memories of when I was little crawled into my head. Who he was suddenly hit me, Mom. “Darling I’m so sorry I never meant to leave you, I wanted to come back to get you Sky,” tear suddenly poring out of her eyes.
I started to cry to, my face was as wet as me batting suit. Now covered in blood and tears, “I missed you mom,” I told her instantly forgetting all the bad thoughts about her.”
“I’ll never leave you again, I promise” that was the beginning to my happier life, which I didn’t know was possible.
Today I live with my mom, I moved out of my aunt’s house with my mom and her new house. My life was finally what I wanted, a happily ever after.