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Mr. Yo Mama

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The little boy was surrounded on all sides. The towering bullies’ brazen jeers filled the air. Undaunted, he called out for help.

Suddenly, a tall greasy masked man in a jumpsuit intrepidly colored Mustard Yellow, with the letters M, Y and M on his chest, appeared. “Halt!” he cried. “Get out of our way!” the bullies yelled. Resolutely, the man kept his ground. “Get out of our way, or you’re gonna get it!” the bullies cat called, circling in closer.
The man opened his mouth and looked squarely at the smallest of the bullies and said “Yo mama so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone!” The littlest bully’s mouth dropped wide open. The man continued “Yo mama so fat she eats Wheat Thicks!”
Abruptly, the boy started to cry and ran away. The others gazed at each other, taking in the man’s cheekiness. He would have to be dealt with. Another of the bully’s stepped forward. The man aimed his next barb at him. “Yo mama so fat she has to put on her lipstick with a paint-roller!” the bully wavered, but stood his ground. “Yo mama so fat that when she steps on a scale, it reads "one at a time, please"!” the bully looked as if about to cry. “Yo mama so fat even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction!” at that, the bully ran away. The crowd of bullies became restive. They wanted to prove their fortitude to the leader and take on this mysterious, insulting man.
The man continued, volleying back and forth well aimed “yo mama” jokes. “Yo mama so fat her legs are like spoiled milk - white & chunky!” “Yo mama so fat she rolled over 4 quarters and made a dollar!” “Yo mama so fat she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book!” and “Yo mama so fat when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps!” One by one, the bullies went down, their pride wounded by the insults. They were unable to come to grips with the man’s audacity.
The leader of the bullies was the biggest, meanest, ugliest brute you could have imagined. He liked the style of the mysterious man and respected his temerity. He was secretly almost sad he would have to take him down. The man started the battle “Yo mama so fat she layed on the beach and Greenpeace tried to push her back in the water!” The bully answered back “Yo mama so fat she sat on a dollar and squeezed a booger out George Washington's nose!”
Back and forth they went, insult after insult. “Yo mama so fat she stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles!” “Yo mama so fat that she would have been in E.T., but when she rode the bike across the moon, she caused an eclipse!” “Yo mama so fat we went to the drive-in and didn't have to pay because we dressed her as a Chevrolet!” “Yo mama so fat she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had on flip flops!”
Neither looked close to breaking. It was the masked man’s turn. He said “Yo mama so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized!” The bully couldn’t take it anymore and he started to cry. Ashamed he ran away, yelling back at the man, “I’m telling my mommy!!!”
The little boy stepped out of the shadows and asked in wonder, “Who are you?”
“I am Mr. Yo Mama” the man replied. “Thank you for saving me,” The boy said. “Yo mama so fat when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that rock?" the man snapped lazily. “What?” the little boy asked, taken aback. “Yo mama so fat she has to iron her clothes in the driveway!” “Why are you doing this?” the little boy asked, his lips quivering. “Yo mama so fat she jumped in the air and got stuck!” “I was just trying to thank you!” the little boy said, trembling with held back tears. “Yo mama so fat that when she goes to the beach, the whales start singing ‘We are family’!” The little boy ran away, crying. Mr. Yo Mama just stood there, looking content.





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This article has 9 comments. Post your own now!

MYM(GreasyMaskedMan) said...
Sept. 10, 2009 at 8:06 am
Finally I got some recognition in the classic literature!
And to the author of this story I would like to say: "Yo mama is... I mean - thank you for writing about me!"
 
iLoveAntiqueRadios said...
Sept. 6, 2009 at 4:57 pm
This is a very original and unique piece. Most stories nowadays are serious and dramatic. It's hard to find a good belly laugh story like this one. Keep up the good work!
 
Seveen said...
Aug. 20, 2009 at 11:28 pm
you can be whatever you want. reach past the stars!
 
ilovedavidtennantsobackoffhaiwin said...
Aug. 18, 2009 at 6:47 pm
I absolutely adore this story! It's written very well, and it made me laugh. Hope you get published!
 
J.Bear said...
Aug. 17, 2009 at 1:31 pm
Clever! Clever! Clever! I smiled my way through the reading!! You can write! Keep stretching your creative talents.
 
Jackie W. said...
Aug. 14, 2009 at 2:32 pm
Very well written and clever. It takes courage to think outside the box. Nice twist at the end. I had a smile on my face throughout the whole story
 
pinksage33 said...
Aug. 13, 2009 at 12:22 am
mice work. but you could make it a littel more clear.
 
haybear389 said...
Aug. 12, 2009 at 10:04 pm
interesting but... why did he make the little kid cry? but it was a good story
 
Jaquie This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 12, 2009 at 9:54 pm
A very humorous and all together enjoyable well-written piece. You plainly have an abundance of talent, and I thank you for making me smile with it. Really a very, very, laughable work. Keep on writing. God bless, ...,
 
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