Trapped in the Elevator

January 13, 2009
By Andrew Seidl, Hartland, WI

Trapped in the Elevator

The sound of heavy metal blares as the elevator doors slide open. The washed up pop princess takes
a few glances in the elevator before entering it. "Schwiiiiiiiiiiiing!"says Wayne Campbell as
he turns his music down to check her out. "If you were a president, you'd be Babe-raham Lincoln.
Suddenly, Wayne recognizes who she is. "You're like, totally that one chick, Britney Spears!"
Wayne gets down on his knees. "I'm not worthy! I'm not worthy! I'm scum! I suck!"Britney
rolls her eyes and looks at the man in the corner, unaware of who he is. "Floor six, please."
"You got it, good lookin',"he says as he comes out from the corner. Much to Britney's
disbelief, it's former president Bill Clinton. Bill pushes the button and creeps closer to
Britney. "Like, you're Bill Clinton!"Britney said as she takes out her camera."Can I get a
picture?""I'll tell you what, young lady; you look like you'd be better than Monica,"
says Bill, winking at her. "Um, no thanks,"Britney says quickly as she goes to the other side
of the elevator. Wayne, blaring his music even louder, goes over and pushes all of the buttons,
making them all light up like a Christmas tree. "Excellent!"Suddenly, the elevator shakes and
comes to a screeching halt. The lights go out and everything is silent. "Ahhhhhhh, like, we'll
never get out of here! I need to call my dad!"Britney says as she repeatedly slams herself
against the door. "Settle down, little lady,"says Bill as he restrains her. "We'll be outta
here in no time.""Party on, dudes!"Wayne says as sits down. "Wonder what's happenin'
out there."Wayne turns the volume up on his headphones and busts out a gnarly air guitar solo.
"Now that we're alone,"Bill says as he puts his arm around Britney and his voice drifts off.
At that moment, the lights turn on and the elevator comes to life. It dings and shows them that they
are on the sixth floor. Wayne turns his music down, stands up and takes Britney by the arm. "Well,
here's our floor!"Wayne exclaims. "Catch ya later, Bill dude!"Wayne and Britney walk out
of the elevator as the doors shut behind them. The sound of a man crying can be heard as the
elevator makes its way skyward.

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