The Fatefully Dissatisfied Gerbil

June 22, 2009
By Kara Krause SILVER, Ann Arbor, Michigan
Kara Krause SILVER, Ann Arbor, Michigan
6 articles 2 photos 0 comments

Daniel sauntered lazily to his food dish: tasteless dehydrated vegetables, in the form of pellets, just like every day of his life. But this time was different, in a way; for some reason, it was at this time, this dark and lonesome night, where he came to a very fateful realization: his life, in retrospect, was utterly pointless. At first, he was thrilled to imagine that any day he could be brought home as some wonderful boy or girl’s pet. He even thought Meijer’s store was cool as he watched the happily excited shoppers with their carts full of mostly usless stuff. His heart palpitated at the thought that one day someone might take him home, play with him, and buy him special snacks and toys just for him... maybe even one of those gerbil globes you could run in and go wherever you wanted, that would be the best. However, after weeks living in false hope, this world he was trapped in seemed stale, fake, and so wrong in every way.
So today there was one and only one question on Daniel’s mind: since life was so completely pointless, why even go through with it? It was this question, and it’s depressingly unsure answer, that caused him to conceive his ultimate plan of suicide. This plan was not easily conceived, mind you: to commit such an act in such an environment requires much creativity and skillful craftiness. There were many ideas running through his diminutive gerbil mind: simply starving himself to death and the more desirable idea of drowning in the water bowl, but he quickly came to his final decision. The squeaky wheel which he ran on very often, which was also admittedly quite fun, would make an excellent killing apparatus. All he had to do was to just stick his head in one of the spokes and run for his life…then BAM: all the monotonous boredom, the tasteless gerbil food, and his psychotic roommate, Henry, gone forever! And Bon Voyage, creepy humans! Everything would be better then, Daniel reassured himself as he walked hesitantly over to that squeaky running wheel.

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