The Leave and Return of Lucifer

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Characters:

-God

-Lucifer/Satan

-Angel Bob

-Demon Joe




Act 1




Scene 1

The lights went dim and the curtains rise. A blue background is in place. The ground is made of clouds. Two men walk on stage.




Lucifer- “You ever wonder what it would be like just to have your own place, y’know like your own heaven.”




Angel Bob- “No, I dont. God provides me with so much here I wouldnt think about leaving. Do you?”




Lucifer- “Sometimes I just dont feel like this place is right for me.”




Angel Bob- “Then go back to another life form. Try a schnarshnack or a klinkoflobber. I’m sure god wont mind. I mean you guys are pretty tight. Arent you?”




Lucifer- “Yeah, I guess. But I dont want to be in a life form again. Besides schnarshnack’s and kilnkoflobber’s arent what I like. I just, I want my own heaven. One where I can boss people around and make my own rules.”




Angel Bob- “First off, us angels arent bossed around, we’re asked to do things. If we dont want to do them , god appoints the task to someone else. And second, we have no rules. We arent kept here against our will, we can leave if we want to.”




Lucifer “I know just forget about it.”




The two angels go to the local Heaven Subway.




Subway Employee- “Hello, what can I get you?”


Lucifer- “Nothing, just here to pick up the sacred sub for god.”




Subway Employee- “Special clearance slip please.”




Lucifer hands over the slip.




Subway Employee- “Here you are have a nice day.”




The Subway Employee hands a golden bag over to Lucifer. Lucifer takes it and walks away. Bob stays to order.




Lucifer- “You coming?”




Angel Bob- “No, im gonna get something to eat then meet with Jesus for some pong.”




Lucifer waves to Angel Bob then walks to give the sacred sub to god.




Lucifer- (In thought) “Man im hungry.”




He looks down at the bag.




Lucifer- (In thought) “Maybe just one bite. God’s a good friend. He wont mind.




Lucifer takes out the sub and bites off a part of the sandwich.




Lucifer- “Mmmmmmmm. Soooo, good.”




Lucifer continues to walk and gets to gods palace. He meets at the front and hands over the sandwich.




God- “Thanks man. Ive been starving. This’ll fill me for another thousand years. Thanks, really.”




Lucifer- “Your welcome man, I gotta run though.”




God- “What for?”




Lucifer- “Im going to think up plans for a new universe. We all have to do it sometime. Right?”




God- “Yeah, I guess. Well let me know if you think of anything good. We’re running low on ideas.”




God opens up the bag and pulls out the sub as Lucifer is walking away.




God- “LUCIFER!”




Lucifer- “Yes God.”




God- “What the hell is this?”




Lucifer- “Umm... I was hungry and...”




God- “You have eaten from the sacred sub. You know thats only punishable by banishment. Even for a friend I cannot disobey the sacred rules that I created when I first came to be. You have eaten from the sacred sub and without it I cannot eat for another thousand years. It takes preciseness to make. Hundreds of years to prepare the meat and vegetables. Im sorry but you are hereby banished from Heaven for all of eternity.”




God points his staff at Lucifer.




Lucifer- “No, God i’m sorry. Please another chance. Please.”




God- “I'm sorry my friend.”




As God points the staff at Lucifer a spark hits Lucifer. Lucifer is gone.




Scene 2




Narrator- “A gazillion billion years later in hell.”




A bright light shines through Satin’s impenetrable fortress and Satin sits up in his bed as the doors blast open.




Satin- “What the hell? Demon Joe kill this intruder.”




Demon Joe- “Yes, my dark lord.”




Demon Joe walks into the bright shining light.




Demon Joe- “ I dont see anything my dark lord... wait what is that a.... erchaghh”




Satan- “Joe. Demon Joe. Are you there Bro.”




A shadowy figure come walking towards Satan.




God- “Lucifer.”




Satan- “Who, whos there? I recongnize that voice it-its god isnt it? God. What are you doing here?”




God- “I miss you man. I want you to come back. We can be rulers together. Imagine Lucifer and God. God’s of God’s.”

Satan- “No I’ve retired from that life. I’m purely evil. I’m the DEVIL.”





God- “You can’t be. You have to come back. We will be equals. No one will take us down. An-And you can even have you own sacred sub. We can even share each others.”





Satan- “It does sound pretty good… But no I’m happy here and besides I don’t have to share my kingdom of hell with anyone.”





God- “Please, Lucifer, I’m sorry. I can’t live without you. You’re my best friend. Lets go destroy this place and go rule everywhere forever. But lets rule with love and kindness to all.”





Satan- “Yo-you’re really sorry. And-and you want to be lovers.”





God- “No, I’m not gay. I mean we rule over everything with love and kindness. Not you and me.”





Satan- “Oh, I know I’m no fag either. I was just about to laugh at you for that idea. Well, okay, I guess I can be good again. I will be hard and troubling, but I know myself, I can make the transition back.”





God and Satan destroy hell, and return to the Pearly Gates.





God- “Well, ahhhh, here we are. Home sweet home.”





Lucifer- “What the heck is this?”





God- “Heaven, you’ve been gone a long time. We register people by computer now.”





Lucifer- “Oh, ok.”





They walk through the Pearly Gates without any restraint. Everyone bows as they walk by.







Lucifer- (People go by on Segways, Lucifer looks Surprised.)




“What the heck are those?”





God- “Improved Segways. They can go up to the speed of light, but only elders can have them.”





Lucifer- “Elders?”





God- “Oh, right. They are many steps below us gods and will never reach us but they have supreme power just as we. But not as much.”





Lucifer- “Can they overturn us?”





God- “No, they have no powers to beat ours.”





Lucifer- “Oh.”





God- “ In fact we can do whatever we want here. Lets go.”





They continue to walk on and then God starts to lift up as if he’s flying.





God- “Come, Lucifer, fly with me. Many things have changed and you have to be updated as soon as possible.”





Lucifer surprisingly flies with no problem.







Lucifer- “What?”





God- “All gods are gifted with flight and have no problem doing it.”





Lucifer- “But I thought we were the only gods?”





God- “Haha. We are. That’s the funny part.”





Lucifer- “Oh. (laughs)”





God- “We will rule forever as gods. Lets start Lucifer. Lets start. Our first task, since your return, will be to create a place of life. Lets call it Earth.





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