I was walking down the street when I saw the cow. I didn’t know if he had an owner, when I looked around the street was empty so I figured he was a stray. Right, on what neighborhood street do you find a stray cow? When I saw the cow I was thinking about candy canes so in my head I named him Candy Cane the cow.
I walked up to him slowly and he didn’t seem to want to eat me so I patted his head. He made a sound half moo and half screech. He had a black body with white legs and a white head. He had a rope around his neck.
I was going to leave him when he said, “Moo.”
And I could bet you ten dollars he was trying to tell me, “Please! Please don’t leave me!”
I stared at him then started to walk away.
“Just because I’m a cow! You would have taken me home if I was a cat or dog!” Candy Cane the cow screeches. I stop dead in my tracks and turn around slowly. Did he just talk?
He is just standing there opening and closing his mouth. “I wish I was a cat!”
“Why?” I ask and realize I am going crazy.
“Everyone likes cats better! Everyone hates cows!” the cow cries.
“No they don’t.” I tell Candy Cane.
He rolls his eyes. “Yeah that’s why they chop up us cows and lets the cats sleep in cuddly blankets. I want a cuddly blanket! I want a cuddly blanket!”
“um…Candy Cane what are you talking about?” I ask since I’m confused as to why he wants a blanket.
“Who the hell is Candy Cane?! Take me home! Take me!”
“Okay.” I say and grab his rope and he follows behind me as we walk down the street.
Thirty seconds later he screeches right in my ear. “I want food! I’m hungry!”
“Look there is grass over there go eat and I will wait here for you.” I tell him. Most annoying cow I ever talked to. Or only cow I ever talked to….
He eyeballs me. “I will be right back.” He moves away slowly.
When he gets to the grass I run, run as fast as I can.
“Liar!” he screeches. I don’t look back.
I make a mental note to start eating more meat.