Stars Allign

May 19, 2009
By Jake Weber SILVER, Oconomowoc, Wisconsin
Jake Weber SILVER, Oconomowoc, Wisconsin
9 articles 0 photos 0 comments

At the push of a button, two golden pillars parted revealing the cushioned interior of the main elevator. Finkle’s Snowflake Resort holds a five-star rating and reputation for entertainment. Ace Ventura stands patiently in front of the elevator awaiting its arrival. An elevator attendant comes along and asked Ventura, “Was there any trouble with your arrival, Mr. Ventura?”

“No, the guy with the rubber gloves was surprisingly gentle.”

Ace readjusted his undergarments and headed to the flashing elevator. “Alllllrigghhtty then, let’s go.”

“Good evening kind sir, how’re you?” a familiar voice says as the door closes.

“President Bush, I had no idea you were going to be here tonight, I’m phenomenal, how about yourself?” Ace said as he graciously offered a handshake.

“Very good, it’s good to see ya, Mr. Ventura,” President Bush said with a wink.
Following their brief introduction, the elevator stopped once more and presented none other than Ron Burghandy.

“Good evening fellow American, what’s your name?” Bush offers another handshake.

“Why hello there. I’m Ron Burghandy?”

“Haha, you sound about as confused as me sometimes, but I like the name, really rolls off the tongue.”

“Heeeeelike a glove!” Ace added.

The three were at the Finkle’s Snowflake Resort for a comedy convention. All three have an excellent background when it comes to comedic performances (Ron Burghandy’s Anchorman, Ace Ventura’s Pet Detective, and Bush’s State of the Union).
Suddenly, the extravagant golden elevator comes to halt dismantling all three men.
“Knights of Columbus that hurt,” Ron said as he picked himself up.

“Holy Testicle Tuesday!” Ace regained his balance.

“I knew there were weapons of mass destruction somewhere round here.” Bush is frantically searching for the mystery objects but appears to be having little success in an enclosed elevator. Realizing the elevator is stuck between main floors, the men begin to panic and engage in a fight that is ended with a peaceful agreement.

“I really appreciate how we were able to agreematize our little scuffle. That was really getting out of hand,” said Bush as the fight impeded.

“Yeah, boy that escalated really quickly…I mean that really got out of hand fast,” said Ron as he fixed his luscious hair.
The three men continue to wait patiently inside the elevator. Although it was spacious, they were ready to get out. Breaking the silence, a faint barking noise struck the three men.

“Great Odin’s raven! Is that you Baxter?” Ron scrambles to his feet to get a better look through the peep-hole atop the elevator. Sure enough, it was his beloved dog Baxter who had brought help. After eight hours of elevator confinement, the men were lowered down to the main lobby for their rescue.

“Do NOT, go in there….PHEW!” Ace casually strolls out of the elevator with a smirk.

“What happened Ace, you farticulate or somethin’?” laughs Bush as he makes his way out of the elevator and to his awaiting limo.
Infatuated with his pooch, Ron leaves the resort immediately unwilling to answer to the media.

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