Poptarts! Abridged.

May 16, 2009
By Poptart BRONZE, Kansas City, Kansas
Poptart BRONZE, Kansas City, Kansas
2 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Many people know of the joys poptarts bring to the mouths of many young and old. So it should come as no surprise to realize that they are indeed a necessary part of life for the masses. These delicious pastries were created in the 60's by the prominent cereal company Post. It was only a matter of time before these "Country Squares" tore at the remains of their old life as a side dish when they were so obviously meant to be on their own. It was a hard fought battle; everyone was against them. Post wanted them as compliments for the cereal and, quite frankly, the world just wasn't ready for this type of movement. Because of Post's incompetence, the good old company Kellogg, took in the fragile psyche's of the Country Squares and molded it into it's own version.

Poptarts were created. The times were changing and those that were forced to stay behind, died a horrible, unknown death, while the poptarts climbed to the top of the Kellogian food chain. No one escaped the sensual taste of the delectable creatures. Of course, there came jealousy from such popularity.

The Controversy

In ྚ, a renowned professor who had a little too much free time, decided that leaving a poptart in a toaster for a long time would be a humorous and worthwhile cause, especially when a man sued for his toaster catching on fire. The Poptarts were at a loss, how people could be such awful creatures, one would never know. After all those times they had been there, comforted, fed, gave them the breadth of their lives to these people. The betrayal hurt. The experiment by the professor was a tragic moment in time, when one of their own strawberry flavors was kidnapped and forced into a toaster, they thought nothing of it. Until, that is, the toaster kept going... and going and much to the horror of the Poptart folk, their sweet Strawberry child burst into a flame going nearly a foot high. Many of the Grandtarts still remember the screams of the child, the pain it must have gone through. It will be forever known as the Red Day. Many members of the family still wear the red sprinkles to pay respects to the tragedy.


Some poptarts started to leave the country now, even after warnings had been placed no them to not be left in toasters. Some couldn't believe the atrocity and decided other homes would be better suited for them. First they went over to the UK, but weren't as widely received as they had been in the Americas. Most left the UK within the year over foreign lands to find their own place in the world.

"We left the country...we couldn't stand to feel the soil under our pastry...Strawberry was like a daughter...Now that we're in the UK though, it doesn't seem to be different. We don't have any job, any money and kids kick us into water. No one in our family knows how to swim. It's a massacre. A filling massacre. There are impostors here, giving us all a bad name in this new land. The melting causes toasters to break and therefore, we are shunned. I don't know what we'll do, but our will shall never wavier. We've come too far and done too much to give up now. We will find a place to call our own."

The United States, feeling guilt over the ordeal, sent the pastries where they wanted to go via army. The Air Force dropped 2.4 million individual poptarts over Afghanistan. None have been seen since.


Over the course of life, they have settled back to where their roots originally started, adapting to generation at hand. There have been several mutations in the poptart gene, which some say is caused by the global warning of the planets. The most prominent mutation being the so called "Go-Tart." Only growing to a third of the normal Poptart size, they are much healthier than their parents. So it's not necessarily a bad mutation, simply adaptation to the world as it changes its values to a stronger alternative. The Poptarts will never die, only change to fit their surroundings and they know, and well all know, that together... together the world can be changed.

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