"Hello, Ed's Lo-Jack. How may we help you?"
"I'm interested in having Lo-Jack installed. Could you do that?"
"Sure Ma'am. Just how old is she?"
"She's fifteen years old. A real classic."
"Well, you know we don't usually install Lo-Jack on models that old, but if she's a classic...what make is she?"
"She's a Lauren."
"Wow, a DeLorean! No wonder you want an anti-theft device on her! She in pretty good condition?"
"Just the normal wear and tear a fifteen year old gets."
"I see. Can you bring her over today?"
"That would be fine."
"What time is good for you?"
"Well , after school is probably the best time for me. School is out by three."
"That's just fine, ma'am."
Y Y Y Y Y
"Hi, I'm the person who wanted Lo-Jack on my fifteen-year-old."
"Oh yeah. You're the lady with the DeLorean. Well, bring her around back."
"Wait a minute. Are you familiar with the Lo-Jack system?"
"My husband and I would just like to know where she is at all times."
"Usually, ma'am, we only put it into operation when she is stolen."
"Well I certainly hope she won't be, but, if she is, we want to know where she is."
"OK. Just bring her around - Ma'am, where's your car?"
"Car, what car? I want Lo-Jack for my daughter!"
"You mean you don't have a DeLorean?"
"My daughter's name is Lauren, if that's what you mean."
"This may come as a shock to you, but we don't install Lo-Jack on people."
"Do you know anyone who does?"
"Listen, ma'am, just take your daughter home and ... and put radar on her sneakers or something! We don't install Lo-Jack on people and that's final!"
"Come along, dear, let's go buy you some new sneakers..." n
This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.