Cereal robber gets milked

April 28, 2009
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Kellogg, Michigan, home of Kellogg’s manufacturing, has recently been plagued with a series of robberies. A bandit, dressed in black pants, a black turtleneck and a black ski mask, has been spotted burglarizing homes in Kellogg. No one has been home when he strikes. He must love cereal because he always eats a bowl of cereal after he’s finished robbing the place and then leaves the empty bowl behind on the kitchen table. Police tried to find this loon but they haven’t been doing a good job. The only thing they came up with is a nick-name for him, Mr. Multigrain, because a lot of cereals have multigrain. Since the police were out of ideas on how to catch Mr. Multigrain they called in the super heroic McGobblers, an intelligence team.
Mr. Multigrain acquired secret information from his cousin John Taylor, an Arabian smuggler, that there was going to be a big bank heist at the Federal Reserve, New York. Mr. Multigrain thought this one job might mean he could retire, as he was growing tired of robbing houses. Mr. Multigrain wanted in on the heist so he decided to get on the next flight to New York. He was feeling pretty clever because he pick-pocketed an airline ticket from a Mr. Flores at the Detroit airport. Mr. Flores was trying to flee the state as he had been caught impersonating an 8th grade school teacher.
Through their intelligence, the McGobblers found out the airport security had nabbed Mr. Flores. Mr. Flores told the airport security his ticket had been stolen. The McGobblers had also learned about a possible heist at the Federal Reserve and went to tell the chief of police. The McGobblers and Chief Pachanka suspected the person who stole Mr. Flores plane ticket was Mr. Multigrain. Chief Pachanka quickly made arrangements for an undercover police woman to sit on the plane next to the man whose ticket said “Mr. Flores”. Her job was to find out everything she could about this lunatic. So he sent the newbie, Officer Anna Lucia, on the flight to New York.
The McGobblers and Chief Pachanka decided that if Mr. Multigrain gave any indication he was going to be involved in the heist, they would not arrest him. Instead, they would try and set a trap and capture all the bank robbers.
Officer Anna Lucia tried to get information from Mr. Multigrain but the only thing she got was that he was going to meet his fellow cohorts the day before the robbery, the 31st of December. She also learned how to eat six bowls of cereal within twenty seconds. Then Mr. Multigrain got up and went to the bathroom. While he was gone, Officer Anna Lucia was able to check in with Police Chief Pachanka.
In the meantime, Chief Pachanka had to inform the N.Y.P.D. about the potential bank robbery. Chief Pachanka and the McGobblers chartered a private plane to New York so that they could help the N.Y.P.D. The Chief and the McGobblers actually arrived in New York before Mr. Multigrain landed. They only had to wait for about 45 minutes. At about 3:10 in the morning on December 29th, they saw the Mr. Multigrain get off his flight and into a vehicle. Chief Pachanka sent two of his men to follow the vehicle which drove to an apartment where Mr. Multigrain stayed for the rest of the night. The two cops were on stakeout in front of the apartment but fell asleep around 5 a.m. At about 6 a.m., they heard a car door slam, which immediately woke them up. They saw Mr. Multigrain in the car window so two cops informed the chief they were going to follow the van. They followed the van until it came to an alley. They parked a couple cars down from the alley and waited for something to happen. From their position, they couldn’t see anything but assumed Mr. Multigrain and whoever else was in the van, was purchasing some drugs or weapons but they didn’t know that for sure and they would blow their cover if they seen. So they waited for about 25 minutes until they noticed the same vehicle leaving the alley, but they also saw another vehicle pull out from the alley so they called in for back up because they didn’t know which car Mr. Multigrain was in. They followed the van and another undercover car followed the other car. They followed the van into another alley and saw their guy come out of the van and quickly enter a nearby club called Zango. The two policemen exited their vehicle and entered the club. They saw Mr. Multigrain in an upstairs room with about seven other men, and the cops took a pretty good guess that the men were talking about the upcoming heist. Then, the men got up and exited the room, heading straight for the two policemen. The police had no idea what to do because they left their weapons in the car, so they turned around and ran out of the club. The seven men followed quickly with one of them carrying a bazooka. The cops climbed into their car to let the chief know that their cover had been blown. Before the cops could drive away, BOOM… it was too late.
The seven men fled the scene. Police arrived at the scene of the crime to begin their investigation. Chief Pachanka had no leads until it dawned on him that there was a backup car with another two policemen following the other vehicle that had left the alley at the same time the van had left. In the second car were two of N.Y.P.D.’s undercover officers. Chief Pachanka talked to their lieutenant and asked him to have them hang on just a little bit longer so he could get to their location and try to arrest these men who were dealing with our criminal. It was about 1:30 in the afternoon when they arrested the men and took them back to headquarters to question them. The only thing that they told the police was that they sold him some hand guns and ammunition and that he was going to meet up with his buddies again at the docks at 3 this afternoon. The two gentlemen were sentenced to eight years in prison for illegally selling weapons.
Now the police know that Mr. Multigrain is meeting up with his buddies at three o’clock this afternoon. The last thing that they need to know is what time the bank will be hit and how the suspects are getting to the bank. Immediately after they found out where they are going to meet they sent a couple under cover cars around the all of the exits and one specialist who has a device that allows all the cops to hear what the bad guys are saying from a good distance away so he does not get harmed. And of course at three four vans pulled into the docks and were heading toward the warehouse, where just outside is the man with a fancy gadget, waiting to do his job. He turns on the device and hears everything that the men inside are saying. They are discussing how they are going to travel to the bank at noon on the 31st in a painters van and disguise themselves as painters. The police heard what they needed and split.
The next day (the 31st of December) the robbers drove up to the bank at noon just like they had planned. The police had an entire swat team and about 20 police men scattered around the block. As the robbers approached the entrance of the bank, they didn’t notice the trap that the police had set up. The trap was a remote controlled net above the entrance of the bank. When the robbers walked under the trap, BEEEEP! The net dropped right on the bad guys and trapped them. The police immediately moved in and shot the men, including Mr. Multigrain, with sand pellets, then threw in smoke bombs and finally tasered them, paralyzing them long enough to be arrested.
The police were shocked to learn Mr. Multigrain was George W. Bush, former president of the United States! Mr. Bush had plastic surgery and did not look the same as he did when he was president. The police didn’t know why the former president robbed all of those innocent people in Michigan, or why he wanted to rob the Federal Reserve. Some say he went crazy when he wasn’t president anymore and others say he was going bankrupt due to the budget cuts. He was sentenced to a life time in prison. Police say he still loves his cereal.





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