McDonald’s vs. United States

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It was an ordinary morning for attorney Donald Hunt. He woke up bright and early at 5:00 a.m., read the morning paper, walked his dog, and proceeded to get ready for work. He got into his silver Lexus and drove about ten minutes to his office building. Yes Donald Hunt seems like an ordinary businessman, but looks can be deceiving.
At six a.m. he arrived at his office and groaned when he saw the huge pile of papers on his desk. Being one of the busiest attorneys in the nation, Donald almost expected this. He is the attorney for one of the largest fast food corporations in the United States, McDonald’s. McDonald’s first lawsuit involved a woman suing the company because the food she ate there caused her to become over weight and triggered several other related health problems. McDonald’s ended up loosing. Since their first lawsuit in 2003, Donald was hired by McDonald’s to deal with all of the lawsuits that came flooding in after that. Keep in mind when I say all of their lawsuits, I mean at least a hundred a day! Sure it could be monotonous work, but some of the suits filed are, well interesting.
Monday, April 24 2008. My client Betty Wright attended her local McDonald’s for breakfast at approximately 10:10 that morning. She had a hair appointment at ten fifteen for her Miss America competition. Since she was in a huge hurry, my client opted to go through the drive-thru. Upon arrival there were one, two, three other cars in the drive thru line in front of her! Even though this was absolutely absurd my client thought McDonald’s would be capable of providing her adequate service so she stayed in the line. Five minutes later, and I repeat five minutes later she received her food and had to drive all the way across town to her hair appointment. Obviously she was late to her appointment, her hair dresser had left for her lunch break, and she was forced to go to her Miss America Contest with un-styled hair. She lost the pageant and the one million dollar prize. So my client, Miss Betty Wright is suing McDonald’s Corporation for 1.5 million dollars for lost prize reward and emotional repercussions.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008. Hello, my name is Mariah Clancy. Last week I attended my local McDonald’s which is conveniently located by my office. Like always, I ordered my usual chicken nuggets which cost three dollars and twenty five cents. I paid with a five like I usually do, so I knew that I would get a dollar and seventy-five cents back in change. Well this specific day the usual transaction was not so easy. I must have had some kind of lunatic as my cashier because she gave me back my seventy five cents worth of change in dimes and nickels. Apparently, they were out of quarters. This was the most ludicrous thing I have ever heard in my life! I mean, everyone knows that nickels and dimes are pretty much useless money! Of course, I refused the so called “money” that the cashier gave me. This infuriated me and pretty much ruined the rest of my day! Therefore, I am suing McDonald’s corporation for $101,000.75 for inconvenience and annoyance. My people will call your people.
Friday, August 7, 2008. My clients Mr. and Mrs. Greene were having a pleasant evening. Mrs. Greene at this time was eight months pregnant. At ten o’clock that night she got a craving for a double cheeseburger at McDonald’s. Being a good husband, Mr. Greene went to his nearby store location and proceeded inside the building. Once inside he ordered his wife the double cheeseburger she wanted. Then the most unbelievable thing occurred. The young man working at the store said that they were out of cheese! I mean what’s a cheeseburger without cheese? Of course like any other normal person Mr. Greene threw a fit and jumped behind the counter to find the cheese himself. For some reason that I cannot conceive, the police were called and my client was escorted out of the building and spent a night in jail. My clients Mr. and Mrs. Greene are suing McDonalds for $850,000 for emotional distress and public embarrassment.

Sunday, November 12, 2008. My name is Fred Hanes and I live in Los Angeles, California. On this fateful day I was having a low key day around my house. I was feeling in perfectly good health and spirits that day. At approximately four o’clock p.m. I left the house to attend my local McDonald’s. Keep in mind that I had not left the house all day up to this point. Upon arrive at your store, I ordered a double cheeseburger, fries, and a coke. Being the well tempered man that I am, I didn’t even complain that your restaurant was extremely crowded. After I finished eating, I returned home immediately and went to sleep. The next morning when I woke up, tragedy struck! My throat was so sore that I couldn’t even speak, my head was throbbing, and my nose was dripping down to the floor. Since I hadn’t left the house all day until I went to your restaurant, it is obvious to anyone who can count to five that I caught my “cold” at my local McDonald’s. Over the next two days my symptoms progressed and I ended up missing two days of work. Also, I spent over twenty dollars on cold medicine in order to recover from my illness. Therefore, I am suing McDonald’s Corporation for $500,000 for missed days of work, medical bills, and discomfort. My lawyer will be contacting you shortly.
Donald Hunt sat down in his chair and began to get ready for another drama free day at work. He turned on his computer, checked his voicemails, and then responded to a few emails. No matter how much he tried he could not ignore the huge pile of papers on his desk any longer. This was the part of the day he absolutely dreaded. At seven-thirty, Mr. Donald Hunt finally began filing away all of today’s lawsuits, in the trash can.





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