Finding It...

April 21, 2009
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She sits on her windowsill, looking out into the world, thinking, wondering, and wishing. Wishing for the world to finally have some peace. But oh well, that’s what she wishes to happen but will it ever really happen? She’d never know unless she lives her life to the fullest and helps anyone that needs it, that’s what might make it a little better, wouldn’t it? After awhile of wondering, Becca gets up stretches and gets ready for school. She’s thirteen years old, about 5’6’’, average body type, and confident in herself to dress as random as she want to express how she feels.

She goes to Colorado Jameson High. Her name is Becca Kay Dweller. Her parents are Don and Marsha Dweller; she has two sisters and two brothers, Jen, Maybel, Mark, and Kevin. Becca’s the baby of the family so she gets basically whatever she wants. She has an addiction to reading, she reads every book recommended from New York’s best sellers. Becca’s a people pleaser, ‘aka’ a pushover. She does whatever anyone wants or needs her to do; she made the honors roll five times in a row. Her creative mind and free spirit makes her the cure for any broken heart. But when her parents died, her world came crashing down.
“Hey Bec, are you okay to go to school or what?”
“Yeah, I think I’ll be fine.”
---41.7.21. I hope no one really treats me different. It’d only make it worse. I can handle this on my own.---
clink clink “Hey Becca, sorry bout your loss.”
“Oh, I’m alright, I’m dealing with it on my own time.”
Brrrring
“Alright, I’ll talk to you after class.”
“She doesn’t look as good as she use to.”
“Of course she doesn’t.”

Becca was minding her own business. She barely talked all day and school is five minutes till the end.
“She seems like she’s slowly dieing, I would to if that were to happen to me.”
“Yeah, maybe we shouldn’t talk about her.”
---Feels like everyone’s talking about me. It makes me so irritated. ----
Becca went up to her room, she passed by Mark’s room, and he was sitting on his chair watching TV. Then briskly walked by Kevin’s room and peeked in to check-in. Since the tragedy, Kevin, being the oldest felt he had to take over. He told her she had a phone call while she was out. She never bothered to see who called because she wasn’t up to talking to anyone.
“Hey Kevin, I’m going to go take a walk in the park.”
“Alright, just don’t come home too late, okay kiddo.”

While passing through the park, Becca was thinking to herself. How everything came to be like this. Her parents were dead, her brother’s being a little too controlling, and her other siblings were acting totally different, same with her, so she never bothered telling them about it. She sat at a bench beneath a tree, and this guy asked why she looked so down. She said that there were some problems going on in her family, while never even bothering to look up at the guy. She thought he was some old hag with a voice that seems calming to her, so she looked up and saw that he was this teenager, around her age. Tall, dark, and handsome, almost exactly like the characteristics that she looks for in a guy, talking to her.

Ten minutes gone by and they were still talking, but sadly she said she had to go because she barely knew the guy, and she’s already told him about what has been happening lately, and she kind of thought that he was getting a little too personal. He agreed and said that he had to go to but then he did the oddest thing and took her hand and with a pen wrote his number. From a distance other teens that looked almost like him yelled,” Common Romeo, we got to go!” They said their goodbyes and parted. Immediately after what looked like Gavin on her hand left she called her best friend, Holly, and told her everything that Gavin told her.

She felt weightless then, you know like the feeling you get when you’re going down a roller coaster, yeah that feeling. She thought it was the best feeling in the world, but that all went away when she remembered that she never had a mom to ‘spill the details’ with. And a dad that won’t freak out when he learns that his daughters growing up, she said silently to herself, how can I feel like this when the only people in the world that I loved no matter what, had died? She threw her thoughts away and started walking home.

It was about seven o’clock and Jen was cooking herself a hot pocket, when she saw Becca walk in she said, “Go ahead and make you something to eat, everybody else did, and I guess we will for awhile.” But instead she went upstairs and out into the roof where she goes to think and sort out her problems, but these weren’t only her problems, they were she and her families’ problems. Later on, Kevin came out and asked if she wanted to talk about anything, “You know, I never thought things would turn so quickly.”
“Yeah, me either.”
“So, your okay? And you’re sure you don’t need to talk about anything?”
“Yeah, I guess for now.”
“Alright, go to bed soon alright, but if you feel that you don’t want to go to school tomorrow, just tell me and you don’t have to. But it would be good if you did.”

The next day Becca’s feelings were going haywire she never knew how to feel, she wanted to feel sad about her parents, but then she wanted to feel happy that she met Gavin. After the first bell rang, Becca noticed Gavin at her school, they started talking and he turned out to be in the same grade as her, she was surprised that she never noticed him at all this year. During lunch she introduced him to Holly and they got along pretty well. After school Gavin asked if they can hangout and so they did and went to a diner down the road. She kind of thought that they were moving kind of fast, cause they were strangers two days ago, and today their hanging out like their a couple, some people would think that was odd but not to him.

That night Becca took out a piece of paper because often times she writes how she feels and poems that she thinks are bad, but their actually good here is one of them, “Maybe, when your older all your wonders and dreams fade away with your imagination. Some people even tell themselves they’ll never forget, eventually they would because either they forgot the meaning behind it or found another. Everyone drops and finds things everyday, maybe everyone should just drop the old memories and make room for new ones.”

She wrote, “Maybe the people we lose are people that ran out of time, and when we did see them, they had a meaning to possesses. And when we lose them, we learn what we should have learned a long time ago, that everyday we see everyone that we love, is a day more then yesterday. People come and go everyday, and my parents left me and my brothers and sisters, and I see that everyone changed, and honestly so did I. But this guy I meet, just two days after it happened, he sees in my friends that I changed and he told me about it and how my friends don’t like how I changed and that I changed but they won’t tell me because of my parents. But he changed me back, well almost back, I’m getting closer and closer everyday.”





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