South Park: Night of the Living Homeless 2!

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A man with a thick mustache sat in a chair seated in the center of the room. He stroked his mustache, with a baseball bat in his hand. Memories were flying through his head. He was remembering how he got to… South Park, where homeless were taking over for unexplained reasons…

“Hmm... I was a normal boy in the real world. Hanging out with friends, playing sports, you know all the things a 13 year old boy does.

“So one day we were all hanging around watching South Park. Then it happened… A flash of light, and then I woke up in South Park. So like any person I decided to go about a normal life there… I got a job, got married, had a few kids, and-“

“No I didn’t you liar,” Payton suddenly exclaimed.

“You shut up! I’m telling a story,” said the Narrator.

“Yo! Don’t tell me what to do!” yelled Payton.

“I will kill you fool!”

“Really?! Try it!” Payton challenged.

“Oh it’s on now!” the Narrator lunged at Payton.

Payton whacks the Narrator with the bat.

“Yea that’s what I thought.”

Suddenly the door slams open and a small boy in a tightly drawn orange coat runs into the room.

“Ahh! HOMELESS!” Payton screams as he whacks the boy on the head with the bat.

Three other boys come in behind the first boy (now dead from the hit on the head), one a fat kid, another with a green hat on, and the last with a blue hat on.

“Oh my god! He killed Kenny!” screamed Kyle the kid with green hat on.

“You jerk-“ Stanley, the boy with the blue hat was cut off.

“Die Homeless!” Payton screamed as ran towards them.

“Oh my god, he’s gone crazy! Take him down,” the fat kid named Cartman Exclaimed.

The kids ducked away from Payton and tripped him. From there they jumped on him and started to punch him.

“Agh! Ooh! Grr! Stop Stop Stop! I Give!” screamed Payton being hit.

“Whoa! Get off him Cartman. He’s not homeless.” Said Stanley. Cartman stood up off Payton, then before walking away kicked him in the side a last time.

“Cartman!” Kyle yelled getting angry.

“Whaat, he killed Kenny,” Cartman whined.

Stanley walked over to Payton and grips him by the collar. “Who are you?”

“What…” Payton mumbled. Blood was dripping from his nose, and lip.

“Tell us who you are!” screamed Stanley shaking him vigorously.

“Me? Oh my name’s Payton…” Payton mumbled.

“Hey you got any food?” Cartman whined

“SHUT UP CARTMAN!” screamed Kyle.

“NO YOU SHUT UP KYLE!” Cartman yelled back.

“YOU GO TO HE-“ Kyle screamed but was cutoff.

“Yea yea I have food. It’s right over there.” Payton mumbled pointing to a box over in the corner.

Cartman walked over to the box and picked up a Hershey bar.

“Yummy. I love chocolate,” Cartman said with a smile on his face.

“Meoow,” a cat moaned at Cartman’s feet.

“Noo kitty my chocolate bar,” Cartman whined.

“MEOW!!” the cat screamed.

“Noo kitty it’s my chocolate bar!” Cartman yelled back angrily.

“REOR!!” the cat hissed at Cartman.

“NO KITTY IT’S MY CHOCOLATE BAR!!” Cartman screamed back.

“Yo Cartman shut up and get over here.” Kyle called over. Cartman slowly walked over mumbling about how he has to do everything.

“Hey this guy’s got an interesting story. He was in some other ‘normal world’ but then he got sent into our world,” explained Stanley.
“Yea, yea that’s some crazy story you got there,” Cartman said glumly.
“This guy can probably help us deal with the homeless attacking the town,” said Stanley.
So for the rest of the evening the group sat and talked making plans…

“Okay so tomorrow we will fight our way out of town and call the national guard,” explained Kyle.

“All agreed?” asked Kyle. The others nodded their heads.

“‘scuse me sir… change please?” suddenly the words rang from the door.

“Who the- HOMELESS!” Stanley screamed.

“You left the door open?!” Payton exclaimed.

“Hey guys quickly out this window!” Kyle screamed.

“Ugh, I can’t fit through the window,” whined Cartman.

“Dang it!” Kyle screamed as he pushed Cartman through.

“GO! There are more of them coming!” Payton screamed.

The group dove out the window as the homeless flooded into the room. But standing above them was a new person… Evan.

“Hi Peyton!” he exclaimed happily.

Payton whacked him on the head with his bat, knocking Evan uncouncious.

“It’s PAYTON,” he screamed as the group ran from the scene.

The band moved slowly and steadily through the burned and destroyed city without much homeless confrontation.

“Hey check this out. I found a cell phone,” said Kyle.

“Well call the national guard moron!” remarked Cartman.

“Shut up Cartman!” Kyle fought back, “There’s no signal moron!”

“Oh why I aughta,” Cartman growled.

“Hey! I found a quarter… and a pay phone!” Payton said with joy.

“Well call for help then,” Stanley mumbled tiredly.

“Ahem… Yes, is this the National Guard? Oh okay then I’m sorry to disturb you. I dialed the wrong number,” Payton said calmly.

“YOU IDIOT!” screamed Cartman.

“Whoa calm down there son. I’m just kidding. Uh yeah homeless are taking over South Park. You’ll be here right away? Okay thank you for your time kind sir.”

Payton hangs up the phone and turns around to see a horde of homeless.

“Oh. Well dang...”

But suddenly National Guard vans pull up and troops jump out.

“Take ‘em down boys!” a soldier yells out.

The soldiers suddenly burst forward and take out the homeless over a period of 6 minutes.

“Dang you guys are good,” Cartman mumbled.

“Great South Park is saved, but how do I get home?” Payton said sadly

“Oh you’re from the real world boy?” asked a soldier.

“Yep,” Payton replied.

“Well you just got to watch a show on the real world and jump into the TV. Like in Blues Clues,” the soldier said back.

“Are. You. Kidding. Me.” Payton gasped his face turning red in anger.

“AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” Payton exploded and stormed off to find a TV.

“Hey see you man,” Cartman called after him.

“Shut up!” Payton yelled back.

“Jeez someone’s a little moody,” Cartman mumbled.

After searching through three houses Payton finally found a working television. He flicked it on and turned to a show about the real world. As he prepared to jump into it he was suddenly tackled by a person.

“You jerk! You didn’t have to hit me earlier Peyton.” Evan said. “Now I’m going to get out of here and leave you here.”

“No you liar,” Payton remarked as he tripped Evan.

Evan reached and grabbed for the bat.

“Muahahaha time to get some revenge,” Evan laughed as he raised the bat. As he was about to swing it down on Payton, a dart flew from the doorway and hit him in the neck. Immediately he collapsed to the ground.

“Got him!” a soldier said as he entered the room. “Oh I’m sorry. Am I interrupting you?” He asked Payton.

“No, you’re not disturbing me at all. Thank you!” Payton exclaimed in surprise.

“I’ll just be on my way then,” the soldier called as he left.

“Hmm, now as I was going to do,” Payton said. He jumped head first at the TV screen.

“OW! Jerk!” Payton yelled rubbing his nose. Suddenly he vanished, and then it was all black and he was flying through the air. Then BAM he hit something hard.

“Yo man, it’s not cool to come flying out of TVs at people!” Tim screamed standing over top of him.

“Whoa whoa whoa… You were watching that whole thing?!” Payton exclaimed.

“Of course I was.” Tim replied.

“And you didn’t try to help?” Payton asked.

“Nope,” Tim smiled

“You jerk…” Payton remarked as he walked out the door.

“See you Payton.”

“See you Tim.”





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