Magazine, website & books written by teens since 1989

WAP!

[Scene opens with a single man standing center stage in the center of 6 people (can also be 7 or 9), arranged in the formation of 3 walls around him. His head is slightly cocked oddly to one side, and he has a frightened look on his face. All look petrified and still.]

Walls
: (As they take a single step in unison towards the man) WAP.

Man
: (After a pause) This house is weird.

[Walls shuffle to their respective lefts two steps, then stop.]

Man
: It used to be my uncle’s, and it was left to me in his will after his mysterious disappearance. (Pause) Strange, because in life, my uncle loathed me.

Walls
: BiJoooooooooooooo!
[Walls all hop once in unison]

Man
: I think it wants to eat me.

Wall 1 : Num-num-num-num-num-num-num-num-num-num-num-num…
[Man reacts and startles, then tentatively approaches Wall 1 and taps on head. Wall 1 stops “numming”.]

Man
: Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I could just leave this house, but I don’t think they would like that…

[As Man is talking, Walls begin stealthily sidestepping to the right in unison, beginning their dance at the word “could” in the above line. Man looks at walls, and they suddenly stop, but begin again as soon as he turns away.]

[Woman walks across stage]
Man
: (To Woman) Hey Melba.

Woman: Hey Frank. How are those house troubles coming along?

Man
: Mmm, not so well, I’m afraid.
[Walls begin to parrot “Not so well, not so well, not so well,” etc.]

Woman: I’m sorry to hear that. Hope it gets better!

Man
: Thanks, Melba. I appreciate it.

Woman: Well, I’d best be going. Talk to you later, Frank!

Man
: See ya!

[Woman exits across stage. Walls are still parroting “not so well.” Since they began, they have developed a little step-clap dance to go with their parroting.]

Man
: (After a moment) (To walls) Oh, shut up!

[Walls immediately stop as if they’ve been caught doing something they shouldn’t be, and return to their original inanimate poses]
[Pause]

Wall 2
: (mischievously) Not so well.
[Man yells/startles in surprise, annoyance, and frustration, and fear. Walls stifle laughter. Man struggles to recollect himself]

Man
: (Sighs, and pauses.) I used to be so happy. I had a good, steady accounting job.

Sure, it was a little tedious, but it brought in the money and I was successful. Of
course, I was always smart about it. I never spent exorbitantly- I would save well for my retirement fund.
Although, I don’t think I’d waste it then, either. That wouldn’t be respectable, to spend all your money on yourself rather than leaving it to your children and grandchildren in your final years.
Although, I see now that perhaps I wouldn’t have had children… I just didn’t have the time to go around chasing women- I had to be a responsible person, and responsible people go above and beyond in the things they do for people of for their work. Responsible people know that life is not all fun and games.

Wall 3
: Is it?

Man
: What?

Wall 3
: (Pause) Is it?

Man
: Well, of course it’s not all fun and games. Life is full of earthly attachments, responsibilities.

Wall 4
: Whyyyyyy.

Man
: Wha-

Wall 4
: Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

Man
: (Pause) Well, I don’t know, because it is. You have to be responsible if you want to succeed. And success is a necessity.

Wall 3
: Is it?

Man
: Yes!

Wall 4
: Whyyyyyy-

Wall 3
: Is it?

Man
: Yes!! It is because it is!

Wall 3
: (Louder) Is it?!

Man
: (Pause)(In Realization) No. Why, no. It’s not, is it! If life isn’t fun and games, what’s the point of living it? To be respectable? No, what does that matter if you aren’t happy?! Like me!- I was never happy, was I? No, I wasn’t! I’d save and save, because society said, a penny saved is a penny earned. But no! Always saving money isn’t earning money, it’s wasting money! If you save just to earn, and then what you earn, you save, why earn at all? It’s pointless! But they say you can’t just waste time and money on doing things just for the sake of doing them, because you want to. You can't waste time and money on unnecessary accessories to your life, like idle dreams or relationships. Why? Because it’s irresponsible. But why? To whom? To nobody, no reason, that’s why.
[Walls begin to move downstage in unison. No pause in dialogue.]
My post important responsibility in life is the responsibility to satisfy myself, and what is satisfaction without joy, without fun and games? Irresponsibility is the only responsible thing to do! I’m happier now, in this house, than I have ever been- I have no responsibilities, no need for respect, no obligations to anyone, just life.
Life, and that’s all.

[As man finishes monologue, Walls finish moving downstage at a point where the back wall is even with the Man, who is absorbed into the back wall]

Walls (and Man) :
(as they all hop backwards once in unison.) WAP!
[Fade out.]





Post a Comment

Be the first to comment on this article!

bRealTime banner ad on the left side
Site Feedback