Lonely Man MAG

By Augusto C., W. Lafayette, IN

     Middle age, middle-class guy.

Unfashionable bar, uncomfortable bar stool.

That’s me, sitting there. The guy with thick brown hair, kind of handsome in the right light. Yeah, that one there.

You don’t want to be here, believe me. Yeah, it used to be trendy and hip. Not anymore. Over-hype killed the place, I guess. Sure it was fun and chic the first couple of days. But people move on. The world moves on.

You can stay, if just for a minute. It’s really not that bad if you aren’t expecting much. Everything’s better if you just lower your expectations.

Like this friend I used to have. Well, not really a friend. Just a person I used to know. Real pain, actually. Really rich though, a whiz with numbers. Never cared too much for all that algebra stuff myself, you know? Anyways, this friend of mine he was always expecting everything to turn out perfect, like in his equations. He wanted everything very cut’n’ dry. Ended up with no wife, no friends, real lonely fella. Piece of work though, piece of work.

Come on, you haven’t even finished that drink. Stay a bit more. You’re real jumpy like, no? I used to know this fella, worked as a pool hustler. He was always jumping around, twitching and stuff, you know? Kinda weird, I thought. Last time I heard of him, he was in the hospital. Seems someone beat him over the head with a pool club. Real jumpy like I told you.

Don’t worry about the dust, this place is safe. No, you wouldn’t wanna eat here, the food’s filthy. But a drink or two is fine. You won’t get sick or nuthin’. Say, you remind me of my mailman. He was always thinkin’ he was sick. Phony symptoms and all. I used to think he just wanted to skip work. Then one day he up and overdoses on Tylenol. On Tylenol, right? Weird stuff, I tell ya. Weird stuff.

It’s okay with me if you stay. Just stay for a couple of minutes - it’s not the end of the world. What else do you have to do on a Thursday night, visit your grandmother?

Oh, she’s sick? Well, I’m sorry and all. You know, that grandma crack is the first thing that came out. I really didn’t ... okay, yeah, another time then.

Another drink then.

Little guy, lonely man. Empty place, early in the night.

Yep, that would be me. It’s not so bad. Stop by sometime, stay some. We’ll talk.



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This article has 9 comments.


Nav said...
on Jul. 3 at 4:08 pm
Nav, Wenatchee, Washington
0 articles 0 photos 54 comments

Favorite Quote:
If your reading this your too late - Drake

Like many of the people who commented, I respect your opinion. However, I disagree. It was an extremely suspenseful story and one of my favorites.

i love this !

This is so realistic!

on Dec. 22 2016 at 7:45 pm
Luckystar78 ELITE, London, Other
114 articles 0 photos 97 comments

Favorite Quote:
"..though warm as summer it was fresh as spring." (Thomas Hardy) ("Far from the Madding crowd")

The title is intriguing and Gothic, and it is really admirable how you have expanded the theme of loneliness and humanity into a longer piece of work.

on Aug. 30 2013 at 6:33 pm
RelativetoWriting GOLD, Brecksville, Ohio
13 articles 0 photos 34 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes."
-Walt Whitman

I love your vernacular and repetition, like people actually speak. And the voice-- it's so welcoming. I swear seems to talk right to the readers, offering conversation. I've never read anything like this before!

on Apr. 19 2013 at 10:12 am
estucker1998 PLATINUM, Tuscaloosa, Alabama
20 articles 0 photos 63 comments

Favorite Quote:
The voracious ambition of humans is never sated by dreams coming true, because of the thought that everything may be done better and again. --John Green, The Fault in Our Stars.

That was great. I really felt bad for the guy, but I loved his voice in this story. Awesome!

on Jan. 20 2013 at 3:26 pm
In_Love_with_Writing GOLD, Easton, Pennsylvania
12 articles 0 photos 389 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phillipians 4:13

Now this was a good. I loved the feel of the writing style. This is actually one of my fave ways to write, but anyway . . . yeah I loved it :) Can you comment and rate some of my work? Thanks I really appreciate it :)

LastChapter said...
on Dec. 13 2010 at 8:57 pm
LastChapter, Hempstead, New York
0 articles 0 photos 215 comments

Favorite Quote:
(couldn't think of anything better at the time) "Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step."-Dr.Martin Luther King Jr.

this.was.amazing. truly. great flow and ease of dialogue. i could hear and see everything perfectly.

on Jul. 22 2009 at 7:24 pm
Rebecca Phifer SILVER, North Augusta, South Carolina
6 articles 0 photos 9 comments
Perfect. the feeling that the man is desperate for the reader to stay.


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