Bright heavenly lights shine on my face as I am carried through heaven's gates. Well at least what I thought were heavenly lights and heaven's gates. In actuality, it was just flashlights and those gates weren’t heaven’s gates, they were cemetery gates. But in my drug induced stupor I didn’t quite know the difference. Turns out I was being carried to this musty perceived heaven by four grown men I thought were angels, but instead quite the opposite. “Here will do” says the tallest man as he throws down a shovel. “Why do I have to dig the hole?” a shorter but wider man outbursts. “Because I said so, now dig”. The shorter one sighed and began to dig. The tallest paces the ground and yells at the other two men to stay in the car. “It smells like s*** out here” the tallest groans, “Hey dig faster!”. “ I am going as fast as I can” the shorter one loudly retorts. “Well it’s not fast enough, we gotta get him in the ground before daylight” “Why again do we have to?” the shortest replies propping himself against the shovel. “Because, this man is too dangerous to us , too many thoughts, he talks too much. We can’t have him spilling our secrets now can we?” “Guess not” the shortest replies going back to digging. The night crept on only heightening the haste of the task at hand. I was starting to sober up, but not enough to realize the severity of the situation. I feel strong, cold as if dead hands pick me up. “Nighty night conspiracy boy” says the tall one chuckling. I feel my body hit hard ground and moist earth start to hit my skin. But as the earth around me starts to pile around and cover me I hear piercing sirens and I snap back into reality. “What the hell?” I mutter, “Where am I?” I hear bodies hit the ground above. “You are under arrest and have the right to remain silent” declares what I assume to be a police officer. I echo from below “Hey down here” “Get him out of there and bring him to the station”. They lift me from what I now understand is a grave and clean me off. “You’ve had quite a Friday night it seems” says a paramedic as he checks for any injuries. “Yeah”, I say, “Maybe running around at the capitol building yelling conspiracy theories wasn’t the best idea”. They explain to me the people who kidnapped me were F.B.I and they had drugged me when I had set down my drink at the bar. “It was odd that my drink seemed to fizzing like shook up sprite, even though I was pretty sure I ordered water” “And you drank it any way?” said the officer seeming to question my intelligence. “Yep, down to the last drop, I was thirsty don’t judge me”. “Well”, says the officer, “Their plan was to drug you, burry you in an unmarked grave, then stage a car accident to cover up your going missing”, The perpetrators all talk at once with the tall one speaking loudest, “You can’t arrest us, we will be out of jail by next week if you do. Besides we do this at least once a week what makes this different?”. “The difference is this time the people will be given true justice , not your corrupt perception of it” the officer says grinning . And with that they shove the men into the back of a police van and drive off. I get back in my own car and leave saying to myself “Man was that one hell of a night. I should do that again sometime”.
One Hell of A Night
March 28, 2018