The Rebellion

November 3, 2016
By ThatOneWeeb BRONZE, New Kent, Virginia
ThatOneWeeb BRONZE, New Kent, Virginia
4 articles 0 photos 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Speak softly, and carry a big stick." Theodore Roosevelt


My name is Yumac, I am a rebellion soldier, I fight for the freedom of my people, a country of my own. After the Government betrayed their deal with us and took over our lands, we had the urge to fight. They will pay for taking our country from us. Even if the payment comes in the form of blood.


Hello! I am a Governmental Soldier! My name is Ghan, I fight for the Government. The Rebels as they call themselves have had bad blood for us. Saying we betrayed the contract of the war against the Communist Armies, we took their land, but the deal did say that, we could take what we wanted after the war. So we took their land, maybe that’s not what they wanted but it’s what the people wanted. I hope they don’t launch a surprise attack on us.


Ah, my fellow brothers and sisters we are going to launch a surprise attack on this Governmental Camp. It shall be sang for many generations of this battle! *When the Rebels attacked the camp, it was in poor conditions, not even enough men to work it. So the rebels had the advantage. But what they didn’t know, was that they were just suicide squads.* The Governmental soldiers put up a volley fire system but to no avail, so they used gas. The Rebels and Governmental soldiers both put on their gas masks and fought hand to hand. The hardy rebels had took kindly to their frozen lands and had the advantage with hand to hand combat, but what happened next changed both sides. The sudden call of “ARTILLERY!!!” Alerted them all, and they looked up, Yumac and Ghan were a few yards from each other. But the artillery covered the ground with broken trees and mud.
Yumac and Ghan both got up, looked at each other and both found a weapon at each others side and pointed it at each other. But each looked into the eyes of the other, and they both nodded, they threw their weapons from each other. Walking away from each other.  


The author's comments:

This article is about both sides, both sides are right, but both sides think the other side is wrong. Freedom, or ruled by a kingdom. This article, may become a novel as long as it get's good reviews. 


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This article has 5 comments.


on Apr. 6 2017 at 4:40 pm
ThatOneWeeb BRONZE, New Kent, Virginia
4 articles 0 photos 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Speak softly, and carry a big stick." Theodore Roosevelt

No questions, I think this will really help me out. Thanks!

on Apr. 6 2017 at 4:27 pm
addictwithapen PLATINUM, Chesapeake, Virginia
21 articles 14 photos 165 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I'm at it again as an addict with a pen." - twenty one pilots, addict with a pen

The way you showed the differing views of the two armies is intriguing. You did a good job making their motives clear. Something I noticed: You use a lot of commas, which can sometimes makes the sentences difficult to understand. Try replacing some of the commas with conjunctions like “and”, “or”, or “but”. You can also break sentences into smaller sentences. For example, the first sentence could be rewritten as “My name is Yumac. I am a rebellion soldier, and I fight for the freedom of my people and a country of my own.” Also, though it is interesting to see the thoughts of the opposing sides, it is a bit confusing when you often switch point of view. I would recommend using a third-person point of view, which allows you to state the thoughts of all characters without jumping from person to person. Thank you for the opportunity to review your work. If you have any questions about my feedback, feel free to let me know.

on Apr. 2 2017 at 11:28 pm
ThatOneWeeb BRONZE, New Kent, Virginia
4 articles 0 photos 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Speak softly, and carry a big stick." Theodore Roosevelt

Trials of Gormon is out! Check it out please.

on Mar. 30 2017 at 4:38 pm
ThatOneWeeb BRONZE, New Kent, Virginia
4 articles 0 photos 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Speak softly, and carry a big stick." Theodore Roosevelt

Yay! 100 people have viewed this article! Thank you for viewing this!

on Mar. 29 2017 at 4:14 pm
ThatOneWeeb BRONZE, New Kent, Virginia
4 articles 0 photos 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Speak softly, and carry a big stick." Theodore Roosevelt

When will people comment? Haha, it's my first work, the Trials of Gormon, is coming soon. Check that out!


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