Love is like a poison, stopping my heart. Like morphine it drips through my veins, and slows my hurt. Memories like raindrops ripple through my head. At once, they are both beautiful and bitter. They fill my soul with color and yet, tear my heart to pieces. I wish I could forget; I wish I could put you away forever. You were my sunshine, my addiction. You healed my broken spirit and left me feeling weightless, but I wanted more. For once in my life I wasn't afraid to want more. Then you had to go, and you tore the canvas of my heart until piece by piece, my soul was blank again. You saved me, but you condemned me to a fate worse than death. Now I am left empty. Tears run down my face thick as the blood flowing from my bleeding chest. It wouldn't stop; those things you made me feel. I tried to make it stop, but they flowed like water through the cracks in my heart. I wanted it to stop, anything to numb the pain. So I took it away. I cut away the pain. I held in my hands the reason for my hurt. The chunk of twisted soul I held in my hands still beat with an aching pulse. I couldn't let it stay. Why do I feel? So I put it away, my heart in a box beneath my bed. I don't need it anymore. Some days I open it, and there it beats, waiting for me. I can't do it. I can't feel without feeling you. I forget you now. The color of your eyes; the feel of your hand in mine. All I have to do is open that box and there you are. But I can't. So here I am, with my heart in a box. Going through life with morphine in my veins. I walk through blaring halls with a hole in my chest. All these people, but I am blind to them. I open my eyes and I see through memories. The ghosts of yesterday echo through those halls. I see you look at me, but this time I can't feel. You close those loving eyes and fade away from me. I close my empty eyes and fall; in my box my broken heart beats one last time'
Don't Ask me to Feel
February 23, 2009