James Blonde | Teen Ink

James Blonde

April 12, 2016
By TheRileyRudolphFeinauer BRONZE, Ardsley, New York
TheRileyRudolphFeinauer BRONZE, Ardsley, New York
1 article 0 photos 0 comments

“And will you take Frizzy to be your lawfully wedded wife?”
“I would if he was here”
“EVERYONE RUN, TAKE COVER!”`

The sweat is beading down his face like his hair is a rain cloud. He is attempting to fix his hair and suit in the mirror, but his shaky hands are as messy as a juggler trying to give a haircut.
“I’ll wait in the limo, don’t want the seats to get cold,” I exclaim already walking out of Frizzy’s humongous mansion.
I walk down the shiny staircase and out the door brighter than my future.

After waiting for what feels like longer than it takes for me to do my hair, they finally came. Frizzy is a bit discombobulated, but the rest of the gang looks as slick as my hair gel. Especially Braidy he has his probably 10 grand Calvin Hairris Good tuxedo.
“So Frizzy, ya nervous?” I say.
“Naw fam!” he exclaims happily.
“Are you guys good back there?” the limo driver shouts.
“Yes!” we scream all together, like when I put hair gel in my hair.

Then, Faster than my barber asks me for money, a bullet went right through the limo driver's head. I am almost as scared as when my barber got a part- time replacement for a week. On instinct, I climbed through the small window trying to keep my balance and started trying to shove the driver out of his seat. Trying to push the driver out was almost as hard as picking out which lollipop to get my haircut. Finally, I got the limo driver in the passenger's seat and climbed in.

“Looks like we got company!” Frizzy shouts over the noise coming from the shot driver shaking bumping back and forth in his seat. I look behind me and there are three humungous black pickup trucks filled with men wearing masks and hoods and humongous guns, were coming after us. Wow, I thought it must be so much easier for them. They don't even have to do their hair if they have a hood on.

“They must be heading to the mall!” Frizzy shouts. His expression was as worried as me when the line is really long and the barbers are closing soon. The trucks were gaining on us. Darn, I wish my hair grew as fast as their trucks. This is not going to work I thought.
“Get the wheel!” I scream to Braidy. I open the sunroof and grab onto the roof and pull myself up onto the top of the car holding onto the open sunroof for support as hot as my hair, the sun roasting the roof was almost as shiny and light as my hair and warm like when I have left my hair dryer on for too long.
“What the heck do you think you’re doing?” Frizzy exclaims.
“What!” I exclaim not really caring.
“WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?!” he screams again at the top of his lungs.
“What does it look like I am doing?” I question
“We will shoot you!” they scream, probably at me.
“No, no you're not!!” I quickly grab my hair spray gun out of my jeans pocket and the Asian hair clips. I’m running towards the back of the limo and start spraying the hairspray and throwing the clips right at them.
“You should really be more hairful!!!” I scream smirking and throwing the last 3 clips at all the driver, nailing them all right in the head.
The Trucks go crazy and flip over into the forest. That hurts more than when I went to get a haircut and the barber pushes the razor down too hard. Like who does that??
I crawl on the top of the car making sure not to fall off while the wind is messing up my perfectly styled hair.
“Move to the back!” I scream at Braidy, through the sunroof. He moves over and I jump in.
“How do those trees keep all their hair?” I think out loud.
“Those are leaves idiot,” Braidy murmurs sassily.
“Who were they?” I ask.
“Based on their guns and choice in vehicles, I would probably say they are The Gingerz,” Frizzy responds.
“They were probably heading to the mall,” I say
“Shute, we need to get Auburn, there has to be more of them going to the mall,” Frizzy exclaims worried.
“Ok, after the driver got shot we are probably miles and miles away from the mall,” I say
“Why were they chasing us?” I ask everyone.
“They probably realized that we were from the security organization when they saw the limo plates,” Baldwin says a bit too calmly.
I pushed the pedal harder than I pushed my mom into driving me to the barbers when I was a kid.

The mall was even bigger than it looked in the pictures. I pulled over and crookedly parked the limo on the edge of the sidewalk. Almost as crooked as Baldwin's hair used to be. Everyone jumped out and sprinted out towards the wedding chapel. Everyone was running out of the mall, screaming.
“We are not going to be able to get through them and get all the way to the wedding chapel!” I exclaim. I finally thought of a plan.

I run back to the limo waving for everyone to follow me
“How fast do you think this thing can go on grass?” I ask.  I drive the limo over the sidewalk and onto the grass on the side of the mall and floor the limo.
“Everyone ok back there” I scream to everyone.
“Kind of” Braidy screams back sounding like he was on a rollercoaster. I drove the limo as fast as it could go on the grass around the mall of America and towards the outdoor chapel.
“Hurry up” Frizzy Cries.
“This thing is almost as slow as Baldwin’s hair grows” I exclaim.

We all were happy when we saw the wedding chapel, but then that’s when the shooting started. That's when I realized that this was actually serious. I drove the limo somehow faster than I was before, consequently smashing into a tree. I got knocked out and somehow everyone else was able to walk out of the limo with minor injuries. Before this, I thought that we have done these things for the security organization we all worked in every day, but I never thought it would turn out to be this bad. All I can remember from after that limo crash that day is that after that I woke up in a White van, 100 meters just above water. After a couple of seconds of getting my cautiousness back, I looked around and everyone was in the van except for Baldwin.


“You are awake” Auburn murmurs painfully.
“Yea, I hope not” I murmur back. I look out the window and can barely even see the bottom.
“WE ARE ON TOP OF A STINKING DAM” I scream
“Calm down” Frizzy replies back calmer than I thought he would, “the Gingerz have guys outside making sure we do not get out and holding us hostage. O-one of them is umm Baldwin” he says looking as red as Auburn's hair spray.
“Than what are we doing, let's go rescue him” I exclaim.
“No, I mean he is one of them, that is how they always knew where we were”, He exclaims almost shouting. 


After just sitting there for what felt like years, someone wearing a mask finally opened the back of the van.
“Come out” They scream. We are all clueless of what to do, after finally realizing that they just told us to come out to a dam 100 meters above water with a group of highly armed terrorists, and the betrayer. We all end up walking out, though.

“What your names” Most likely the head of this group exclaims.
“Why don’t you just ask Baldwin over there” I shout back spitting.
“What’s yours,” Braidy asks feistily.
“Me name's Daniel and if you do not cooperate with us we blow you all into pieces throw all of you into water.
“Why are we on a dam, Daniel, can’t we just go back in the white van,” I ask him.
“No, you stay right here and listen to everything I tell you”


Again that day I made a mistake that hurt my fellow co worker.

After a moment of them discussing they finally told us what they wanted us to do, “We want you to get in the van and go back to the mall and make sure no one from The Gingerz is still there, if you fail, well you already know what will happen.”
I quickly go to grab my hair spray gun out of my pocket but ended up just grabbing a big clump of air.
“And yes Mr. Blonde we took all of your weapons too”

I quickly sprint into the van and tell everyone to sit in the back, besides Frizzy who I tell to sit in the passenger's seat next to me, which turns out to be a mistake.

We discussed the plan one more time and took off from the dam opposite direction from where The Gingerz were. Then after I finally get the van off the dam, I turn the white van around and floor right at The Gingerz. At first, they didn’t think that we would be stupid to try to go back after them. “Don’t crash again” Frizzy exclaims. I come close to scraping the walls of the dam which are only about 3 feet high not even enough to keep a 3- year-old from jumping over. After Daniel finally sees us out of the corner of his eyes and Baldwin screams that we are heading straight at them. Baldwin screams, “We are going to go off the dam, Daniel, and looks back at the white van. They all pull out their guns and start shooting. All of their shots miss me and we go flying into all of them.
“Everyone ok” I ask.
“We are all good everyone in the back shouts
“I AM SHOT” Frizzy shouts
“Darn, we need to get you to a hospital”
I turned around the van and zoomed off to find a hospital.

We found the hospital and Frizzy got his bullet taken out but will not be able to walk for a while.

A few weeks later they finally reschedule their wedding after the mall opens up again.
“And will you take Frizzy to be your lawfully wedded husband”
“I do,” she says.


The author's comments:

I am very cool and my middle name is Rudoph btw


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