Adventures in Absurdity 2

July 11, 2014
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WHERE WE LEFT OFF: Every 12.5 mammals living in Absurdity had a different name for Jamarkus, so he decided to change his name at “The Place You Can Go Change Your Name Once You Finally Get Tired of Being Called Other Names.” Once he arrived, he saw the building being taken away by a giant alien-manned submarine!

NOW: “Nooooo!” Jamarkus cried. And so he chased after it as fast as he could, but first, he gave a soliloquy. “To be or not to be; that is the question. Whether ‘tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles. To die: to sleep; no more; and by a sleep to say we-“Suddenly, Jarmarkus’ friend James Cornelius Badger III comes along to slap him in the face. “Pull yourself together! You need to get to that submarine before it’s too late! Go! Charge! Excelsior!”

Jamarkus swims off after the sub. He makes it to one of the windows, peeking inside he sees five aliens who all look like significant political figures playing “Apples to Apples.” “Hey! Stop the submarine!” but Jamarkus’ plea goes unheard. Just when he thinks he can’t swim any longer an alien that looks like the demented love-child of Joe Biden and Michelle Bachmann notices Jamarkus. The aliens stop the submarine and let him in. “Thank you,” Jamarkus says. “No problem,” says the Biden-Bachmann alien, “my name is Georgette.”

Jamarkus explains to Georgette and the other aliens how he was on his way to change his name when their submarine took the only building he knew of that was capable of allowing him to change it.

“Well, we need this building so we can take it home for a science project,” one alien said.
“What kind of science project?”
“One that involves taking a name-changing business, of course!” said Georgette. “Our leader wants structures from different climates to see if global warming is real and what it affects.”
“I really need to get into the building so that I can change my name, but in order for that to happen you guys need to put the building back.”
“We can’t do that. Our mission is too important. There are billions of dollars at stake…. And a beef roast”
“Is there another way for you to change your name?” asks an alien who looks a lot like Sarah Palin.
“I don’t know.” Jamarkus says.
“We have a teleportation machine. Would you be willing to trade the building for the teleportation machine?

Jamarkus ponders this idea, unsure of how to proceed …

TO BE CONTINUED… (Tune in next time when Jamarkus accidentally teleports himself to the arena of the 74th Annual Hunger Games!)

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