Blade and Rizor: Eternal Adventures

January 15, 2014
By bakerlovespewds0328 PLATINUM, Elizabethtown, Kentucky
bakerlovespewds0328 PLATINUM, Elizabethtown, Kentucky
20 articles 1 photo 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
(strictly pletonic)

It all started when our adventurer, austin blade, woke up in a forest. It was the second time it had happened. Feeling abnormally frustrated, austin blade attacked a sock, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Out of nowhere, he realized that his beloved dual blades was missing! Immediately he called his best friend, syra rizor. austin blade had known syra rizor for (plus or minus) 153 years, the majority of which were striking ones. syra rizor was unique. She was intelligent though sometimes a little... clueless. austin blade called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

syra rizor picked up to a very glad austin blade. syra rizor calmly assured him that most kittens cringe before mating, yet koalas usually scandalously turn red *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting austin blade. Why was syra rizor trying to distract austin blade? Because she had snuck out from austin blade's with the dual blades only nine days prior. It was a saucy little dual blades... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before austin blade got back to the subject at hand: his dual blades. syra rizor sighed. Relunctantly, syra rizor invited him over, assuring him they'd find the dual blades. austin blade grabbed his grandfather clock and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, syra rizor realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the dual blades and she had to do it aptly. She figured that if austin blade took the truck, she had take at least six minutes before austin blade would get there. But if he took the wyvern? Then syra rizor would be overwhelmingly screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, syra rizor was interrupted by nine clueless seahawks that were lured by her dual blades. syra rizor turned red; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she skillfully reached for her fork and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the forest, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the wyvern rolling up. It was austin blade.


As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Egg Roll King to pick up a 12-pack of socks, so he knew he was running late. With a skillful leap, austin blade was out of the wyvern and went exotically jaunting toward syra rizor's front door. Meanwhile inside, syra rizor was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the dual blades into a box of paper clips and then slid the box behind her television. syra rizor was stunned but at least the dual blades was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' syra rizor scandalously purred. With a deft push, austin blade opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling maniac in a Viper,' he lied. 'It's fine,' syra rizor assured him. austin blade took a seat just above where syra rizor had hidden the dual blades. syra rizor sighed trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But austin blade was distracted. Suddenly, syra rizor noticed a pestering look on austin blade's face. austin blade slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

syra rizor felt a stabbing pain in her chest when austin blade asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the dual blades right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on austin blade's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's paper clips from when she used to have pet beavers. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. austin blade nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before syra rizor could react, austin blade randomly lunged toward the box and opened it. The dual blades was plainly in view.

austin blade stared at syra rizor for what what must've been three minutes. Suddenly, syra rizor groped charismatically in austin blade's direction, clearly desperate. austin blade grabbed the dual blades and bolted for the door. It was locked. syra rizor let out a curious chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, austin blade,' she rebuked. syra rizor always had been a little clueless, so austin blade knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before syra rizor did something crazy, like... start chucking salt shakers at her or something. Almost immediately, he gripped his dual blades tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

syra rizor looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from austin blade. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for austin blade. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. syra rizor walked over to the window and looked down. austin blade was gone.


Just yonder, austin blade was struggling to make his way through the vineyard behind syra rizor's place. austin blade had severely hurt his abdomen during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral seahawks suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the dual blades. One by one they latched on to austin blade. Already weakened from his injury, austin blade yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of seahawks running off with his dual blades.

But then God came down with His charismatic smile and restored austin blade's dual blades. Feeling angered, God smote the seahawks for their injustice. Then He got in His Pontiac Aztec and bolted away with the fortitude of 550,000 koalas running from a misshapen pack of capybaras. austin blade shimmied with joy when he saw this. His dual blades was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in eight minutes his favorite TV show, wizeman, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When kittens meet weapon of mass destruction'). austin blade was relieved. And so, everyone except syra rizor and a few ebola-toting kittens lived blissfully happy, forever after.

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