The Evening Patrol

April 14, 2013
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The vigil stood on the lush green slopes near the valley, the moon hovering over them as they watched the citadel turn to rubble. It’s churlish, discordant captain suddenly faced his servile comrades and groped the ground attempting to locate the hilt of his crippled sword. After the futile attempt, he impatiently jostled to the back of the patrol and abruptly planted his feet onto the silken ground as he saw a laggard companion leaning against a large rock, staring at him with merciless ice-cold eyes.

The captain walked towards the tall young man and sized him up. He had a strong torso and was nearly two meters tall. After a while of deadly silence, the two began to wrangle. As the captain was about to turn aside and scold another sluggish soldier, the giant drew the crippled sword out from behind his back and lunged it forward with formidable strength. The jagged tip of the blade and the wild eyes of the wielder treacherously pierced the sleek neck of the once great leader, forcing blood out of his arteries and turning his face to a pale hue.

Satisfied, the young warrior pulled the tool out of the old tyrant’s neck. As the exposed man cursed, blood gurgled and spluttered out of his lips onto the ground, making pools that lapped over the green daggers jutting from the charcoal dirt. With one swift stroke the assassin decapitated his adversary, allowing the inanimate body to drop limply to the crimson floor. Blood gushed out from the torso like waterfalls, draining the remains of a maimed soldier. Brown eyes milky and still, face covered in dirt, and grass hanging out of his decayed teeth, the monster lay there motionless and silent, never to stand again. Plaudits broke out from the crowd and soon after, the fierce murderer evolved to captain of the vigil.

As the company settled down to sleep their disgrace away, the confident commander called for their attention and presented them with a dry, lifeless speech. He explained to them that they would never have reverted to the citadel in time to prevent the battle, quoted ancient adages, stated new decrees, claimed that they would get through this dishonor if they collaborated with him, reminisced on exerpts from old reports, and so forth till the break of dawn. The captain tried his best, though his words rang hollow in the ears of restless companions, who were more interested in their small flasks of rum.

Time precluded them from their destination and the kingdom’s economic bonanza came to an end. The battle went exactly as the enemy planned, and now they could become the greatest economic empire in the world simply because the esteemed patrol failed.

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Racond13 said...
Apr. 17, 2013 at 4:15 pm
I could see exactly what was happening. Almost like it was a movie. What I've found is that if you use some actually dialogue during any of the action, it makes it come more alive, but I can see that maybe you didn't want the death to seem too real. Great job!
L.C.Nichols replied...
Apr. 18, 2013 at 1:18 pm
I intentionally didn't add any words. I was planning on using dialogue but decided to experiment telling the story through description alone (I felt it would be a bit of a twist). Thank you for your comment! I'll use dialogue the next time I write.
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