Falcon Man and the Criminal Scum

January 9, 2013
As mild-mannered civilian Dan was walking down the street, he was seemingly oblivious to the small child being mugged behind him. And while it was true that Dan Harman paid to mind to this incident, Pittsburgh’s masked vigilante Falcon Man was waiting for an opportunity to attack. Dan continued to walk away until he reached an alley. He ducked into the dark alley, and seconds later, the heroic Falcon Man burst out in all his feathered glory! He ran back to aid the struggling child. He stood proudly behind the criminals and shouted his famous catchphrase-“Stop right there, criminal scum!” The criminals stood in stunned silence for a moment before running off, at which point Falcon Man delivered the child back to the helpless mother who stood a few feet away. Falcon man returned to the same alley, where he changed back into his alter ego Dan.

As Dan was walking, he noticed another small child being mugged. He stopped to watch for a moment, marveling at the odd coincidence, he quickly turned and ran back to the alley in order to don his feathered disguise. However, as he approached the alleyway, he noticed a homeless man digging for food there. He ran past, trying to seem like he was going for a casual jog. About half a block later, he turned around and started walking towards the alley again. At this point, he realized that he had in fact gone out to get bird food for his own pet falcon, not to fight crime! Making this startling realization, he walked past the alley, past the child and criminals, and right to the pet store where a small boy would be explaining to his friends how he was saved by a strange man in what looked like a giant chicken suit.

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