Fire and Ice

December 3, 2012
By Stella_Val_Illicia GOLD, Salt Lake City, Utah
Stella_Val_Illicia GOLD, Salt Lake City, Utah
13 articles 0 photos 248 comments

Favorite Quote:
"In the beginning, the universe was created. This has made a lot of people angry and been widely regarded as a bad idea."
--Douglas Adams


The rain fell like ice in the biting wind, tossing her hair like a pale blonde curtain across her face, temporarily shielding her eyes from view. Eeach minute she was illuminated in a flash of lightning that tore the sky in two, and, although it surrounded her like a cage, did not strike her directly. Her gown was the color of the clouds themselves, like individual wisps of the storm, tumbling in the wind. Her posture was stiff, expression hard, her mind as sharp as a whip laced with morning frost. Although she appeared to be waiting for something, or someone, her murky gray eyes saw all - for she was a Spectra, a master of sight, able to watch the farthest reaches, immortal until she fell in battle, watching the past to act upon the present.

Above her, the silhouette of a bird circled the mountaintop, a shadow seen through the smoky clouds reflecting in the Spectra’s eyes, that seemed to be made of glass, each layer obscuring those above it. And like glass it shattered in one moment: from the the peace like a taut rope, holding the storm together and controlling its force, to the destruction unleashed as its full power mixed with the fire of the Spectra’s long-standing rival.

Now two figures, motionless on the mountaintop, faced each other in a battle of will, each too obstinate to turn away from the other’s gaze. The flaming gold of the queen’s passionate glare was hard and resolute, restrained only by the argent barrier presented by the spectra, memories of a thousand years guarding the very mountain that she stood upon on that fateful night dancing across her piercing silver eyes.

Two snakes, each the same striking shade of ebony as her dress, coiled and spiraled in a knot around the queen’s head and arms, their scales catching the light, forming a labyrinthine pattern that coiled around her body. The bird that traced circles in the sky swooped down and perched on the spectra’s shoulder, just as the queen hissed to her, “It is not you I want. Turn over the source of your power, and your life will be spared.”
The wisdom of the spectra’s expression turned to anger, another streak of lightning leaping to join the storm. “I will do no such thing. I know what you want, Adderine, and I am here to tell you that you cannot get it. You have no choice but to turn over your soul and remain human.”
“And you would know human, wouldn’t you, Myrai?” The queen fiddled with a strand of her deep red hair. “Please, do not bother to tell me that immortality is a burden.” She focused her gaze on the bird. “For it is, though only when temporary.”
The spectra’s face hardened, a visage marked by a thousand years of living, as she spoke. “Then I am afraid that I must protect my land from your ambitions. You will travel no further as of this day.” She lifted her chin, and instead of splitting and branching off as it touched the spectra’s skin, this jagged streak of lightning fell into her hand, and the great bird, the thunderbird, stretched its wings into an arc of power, a sonic boom echoing throughout the mountains as he did so.
The queen drew her sword, as did the spectra, each blade with a wondrous past in legend and lore. The great Serpenfire, the sword of Angora’s first tyrant, fitting into place in the hands of its last, sparked with its old enemy Sorcerslayer, the sword created by the West Archaia range itself, the protector of the mountains and the very image of the storm.
Raindrops sizzled and turned to mist as they touched the steel blades, melding with the clouds that hung low over the peak like a curtain that hid the dueling figures as they fought. The ring of fire drew ever closer, and the queen’s eyes lit with the flames lapping hungrily at thin air. But with a clang and ring that could be heard for miles around, Serpenfire slipped from the hands of its master, and flew over the cliffside, lodging itself in the hard mountain earth many feet below.
The crooked smile the played across the spectra’s lips lasted for no more than a second, for that was when the queen struck her final blow: a blade of pure fire molded from the flames and ashes that engulfed the oxygen at such elevations and left the air thick with smog slashed at the thunderbird, and the blazing sword met its target.
The spectra stilled in a heartbeat; the world seemed to move in slow motion to her, too slow to stop the queen from casting herself into the flames and escaping the wrath of a griever. She opened a silver locket hanging around her neck on chain, capturing the bird’s spirit as it left the body, and the locket morphed and swirled until it was the shape of a great bird with its wings outstretched. “May your spirit live forever, Tempestus,” the spectra murmured, now fallen to her knees over the limp mass of feathers.
She stood to her full height once more and looked over the cliff, where Serpenfire was nowhere to be seen. Her words were rocked with anguish, though wisdom still glimmered in her voice. “Fire and ice may be foes forever, but battle is mortal, and that will never change. We have yet to embed in our final struggle, but until then...” She looked pointedly to the sky, where vanished in a sudden flash of lightning, the final strike of the clouds. All that was left of her on the rocky summit was the likeness of her eyes, implanted for eternity in the memory of old mountain, and in her last statement to the queen, although the queen could not hear it spoken. “That was simply the calm before the storm. The true tempest has yet to come.”


The author's comments:
This is part of a full-length book I'm writing (seems like every short story I write is), and it is a collision between two very powerful characters.

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This article has 34 comments.


holly1999 GOLD said...
on Oct. 12 2013 at 12:05 pm
holly1999 GOLD, Middlesbrough, Other
12 articles 8 photos 114 comments

Favorite Quote:
'There was no need to clarify my finger snap, the implication was clear in the snap itself' - Magnus Bane

Brilliant! Your description was phenomenal, I could really imagine what was going on. I'd like to know more about the characters and would definitely read more. My only advice would be to vary the length of your sentences a bit more, as some of them are quite long, but only if I'm being really picky. Overall, great story and amazing writing!

Alizz SILVER said...
on Jul. 20 2013 at 9:44 am
Alizz SILVER, Cleveland, Ohio
7 articles 0 photos 17 comments
I'm amazed. Everything seems so real and vivid! You really know how to take your readers and transport them to a whole other world. Great. Just great. :)

on May. 28 2013 at 3:31 pm
RoyalCorona SILVER, Grand Rapids, Michigan
7 articles 0 photos 290 comments

Favorite Quote:
All of us fave failed to match our dream of perfection. I rate us on the basis of our splendid failure to do the impossible. -William Faulkner

Wow!! It's so passionate and breathtaking, a journey into the depths of these two character's minds! Great job!!

PhoebeB GOLD said...
on May. 23 2013 at 7:33 pm
PhoebeB GOLD, Lexington, Massachusetts
10 articles 0 photos 26 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent."
-Victor Hugo

I definitely think this should become book, or at least a longer piece of writing. The ideas are well-formed and are illustrated well with your vocabulary and the inclusion of figurative language. I have to say, the first thing that came to my mind whilst reading your work was "Lord of the Rings." This story has a lot of potential, and if you choose develop it as a longer piece of work-- I would really like to see what you do with it.

on May. 6 2013 at 8:48 am
writinggirl20 PLATINUM, Marksville, Louisiana
37 articles 0 photos 52 comments

Favorite Quote:
What I say only comes straight from my mind, i do not judge. (a quote by me)

I loved it too. its inspiring and breathtakingly awesome, its going to be good if its part of a book or short story your writing.

on Apr. 27 2013 at 2:15 pm
Stella_Val_Illicia GOLD, Salt Lake City, Utah
13 articles 0 photos 248 comments

Favorite Quote:
"In the beginning, the universe was created. This has made a lot of people angry and been widely regarded as a bad idea."
--Douglas Adams

Thanks! It's still a work in progress :)

dagnytaggart said...
on Apr. 26 2013 at 11:22 pm
I loved it - this had such amazing imagery but it was not overdone. I can totally imagine this as an actual book, and one I would buy too =), I love the concept also. 

kmeep GOLD said...
on Mar. 15 2013 at 8:01 am
kmeep GOLD, Woodbury, New Jersey
17 articles 2 photos 62 comments

Favorite Quote:
If you can't laugh at yourself, laugh at other people.
-Tim Hawkins

Awesome! You used so many descriptive words, I could depict what was going on. 

on Mar. 11 2013 at 9:14 pm
Stella_Val_Illicia GOLD, Salt Lake City, Utah
13 articles 0 photos 248 comments

Favorite Quote:
"In the beginning, the universe was created. This has made a lot of people angry and been widely regarded as a bad idea."
--Douglas Adams

Thanks! I don't usually get reviews more than a couple words! I have edited this since I posted it on teenink, more than once, but I've been too lazy to post the final draft. Thank you for your advice!

Something. said...
on Mar. 11 2013 at 8:52 pm
Something., X, New Jersey
0 articles 0 photos 5 comments
This looked way better on word lol

Something. said...
on Mar. 11 2013 at 8:51 pm
Something., X, New Jersey
0 articles 0 photos 5 comments
A lot of the imagery is very creative. (Loved the frost whip) However, sometimes the sentences verge on purple prose.                 ex. conflicting descriptions                 “Above her, the silhouette of a bird circled the mountaintop, a shadow seen through the smoky              clouds reflecting in the Spectra’s eyes, that seemed to be made of glass, each layer obscuring                 those above it.                 Here, the images clash. There’s too much going on in one sentence. I think you’re saying that the clouds are transparent like glass because she can see the bird through it? However you just described the clouds as smoky which would make them not clear.                 ex. verbose                 “The flaming gold of the queen’s passionate glare was hard and resolute, restrained only by the               argent barrier presented by the spectra, memories of a thousand years guarding the very         mountain that she stood upon on that fateful night dancing across her piercing silver eyes.                 In the first clause, the reader is hit by a lot of description. There are 4 separate times where you describe her eyes; they’re gold, they’re passionate, they’re hard, and they’re resolute. This is pretty easy to solve. Just narrow down what you want to say the most and cut the rest. After that clause, I don’t really understand. Maybe it’s partially because I don’t know the background. (Memories acting as a force field?) But the part about the silver eyes after you just talked about golden eyes, barriers, memories, mountains, is too much. Something here needs to separate into another sentence.                 -yeah, just use the two errors as a bases to edit the rest of the story. The dialogue is not straightforward which makes it a might confusing. The characters seem to have trouble speaking in simple English. Maybe that’s the tone, (high fantasy?) but the dialogue should be more understandable.                 ex.                 “For it is, though only when temporary.”           ---------------------> “The burden is only temporary” or “It is only temporary”                 Also, is spectra capitalized or not throughout? Cause you had did it the first time. Sorry if I’m a bit harsh. My friends tell me that I’m too critical of them and myself. I can’t even get past 6,000 words in a story in 4 months because I edit too much. >.> (And 2 months of procrastination.) It’s way better to write a lot and edit later then to focus on every minute detail like I do. So basically, you’re in a good position if you have everything written.

on Feb. 23 2013 at 10:15 pm
Stella_Val_Illicia GOLD, Salt Lake City, Utah
13 articles 0 photos 248 comments

Favorite Quote:
"In the beginning, the universe was created. This has made a lot of people angry and been widely regarded as a bad idea."
--Douglas Adams

Well, you're very right about the complex novel thing. This is an excerpt.... a back story... that I didn't add anything to, because I wanted it to remain part of the longer story. The novel isn't finished yet, but I hope to finish it by the end of this year...

on Feb. 23 2013 at 4:51 pm
Allicat001 SILVER, Waukesha, Wisconsin
6 articles 0 photos 171 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Love is not someone you can live with, love is someone you can't live without."

"Always stand up for what's right even if that means you're standing alone."

This was very suspenseful and your descriptions were phenomenal (as always :)).  The only thing that bothered me was that I felt like I was jumping into the climax of a very complex novel, I would've liked to know a little bit more about the characters and the actual conflict between them that caused this battle.  Otherwise, this was very well written, great job and keep writing!

on Feb. 18 2013 at 4:59 pm
GreekGoddess BRONZE, Andover, Connecticut
3 articles 0 photos 182 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'm not superstitious, I believe in irony.
~Me

Excelent suspention. It was different, not ussaul and thats exactly what everyone wants to read. Good job, keep writing!

on Jan. 17 2013 at 6:44 pm
Stella_Val_Illicia GOLD, Salt Lake City, Utah
13 articles 0 photos 248 comments

Favorite Quote:
"In the beginning, the universe was created. This has made a lot of people angry and been widely regarded as a bad idea."
--Douglas Adams

Yeah, sorry about the back story. I don't know much about that yet, because I'm only beginning to figure out the plotline to the novel that I'm going to write that this is from.

on Jan. 17 2013 at 10:00 am
GuardianoftheStars GOLD, Shongaloo, Louisiana
17 articles 0 photos 495 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Let's tell young people the best books are yet to be written; the best painting, the best government, the best of everything is yet to be done by them."
-John Erslcine

That was so good.  The details were amazing. The only complaint I have is that I wish to know more of what is going on and the back story. But this is amazing, well done, Athena :)

on Jan. 9 2013 at 6:03 pm
Apollo77 PLATINUM, Brunswick, Ohio
20 articles 0 photos 103 comments

Favorite Quote:
"All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence that you know.”
"Madame, all stories, if continued far enough, end in death, and he is no true-story teller who would keep that from you."
-Ernest Hemingway

wow...I like it! I do wish that I knew more background, but it seems like a fairly complex story which you did very well telling in such a short way. Also, I love all of the description and I can really see exactly what is happening, but I think sometime it becomes a drag when a piece has too many literary devices that are too overwhelming. yes, I think that separately each sentence is beautiful, but together they can be too much and I get a little tired half way through...but really good descriptions and cool story!

on Jan. 6 2013 at 9:05 pm
In_Love_with_Writing GOLD, Easton, Pennsylvania
12 articles 0 photos 389 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phillipians 4:13

Amazing job! You did really well. Nice. Can you comment and rate some of mine as well?

on Jan. 4 2013 at 10:25 am
CariePierce BRONZE, Lancaster, Pennsylvania
3 articles 0 photos 48 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Imagination rules the world." -Napoleon Bonaparte

Extremely descriptive, and I'm a sucker for description. I can't wait to pick up the novel in Brnes and Noble.

on Dec. 21 2012 at 6:02 pm
Stella_Val_Illicia GOLD, Salt Lake City, Utah
13 articles 0 photos 248 comments

Favorite Quote:
"In the beginning, the universe was created. This has made a lot of people angry and been widely regarded as a bad idea."
--Douglas Adams

Thank you so much!


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