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My Messed Up Christmas Adventure
One day I heard a knock on my door. It was Christmas Eve, late at night and I was fast asleep in my soft, cozy bed. When I heard the knock I jumped to my feet.
Who could it that be?! I thought. I got up and looked through my door’s little peep hole. I saw a very familiar figure standing out there. I opened the door cautiously.
“Hello!” my crazy thirteen-year-old neighbor, Chyenne greeted me. She smiled at me weirdly. She was dressed like Santa and she was holding a “Mrs. Claus” costume in her hand.
“What are you doing!” I said tiredly, “It’s twelve in the morning!”
“Well, I was digging in the dumpster-”
I cut her off, “You were WHAT!”
“Digging in the dumpster,” she answered. “Anyway I found these costumes. The Santa one is just my size and the Mrs. Claus one is your size!” she explained happily.
“Chyenne.” I complained, “Its 12:00 in the morning, couldn’t you have just give it to me tomorrow or the next day?”
Chyenne glanced at her watch. “Its not 12:00 you idiot! Its 12:03!”
“Same thing!” I argued.
“Anyway,” Chyenne went on, “Try the costume on.”
“What! No!” I screamed, “It was in the dumpster!” Within a blink of an eye Chyenne was unfolding the costume and was quickly throwing it over my head. Next thing you knew it was on my body.
“Aww! You look just like Mrs. Claus!”
“Thanks.” I said sarcastically rolling my eyes.
“Come with me.” Chyenne said pointing outside at the white, fluffy, falling snow. The wind was howling like a wolf. It was like a blizzard out there!
“What! I can’t! It’s the middle of the night! If my parents find out I was out this late they will-” Chyenne grabbed me and threw me outside slamming the door behind us.
“Ugh.” I cried. Chyenne was dragging me by my arm at this point while she was skipping along with a huge smile on her face.
Next thing I knew, I found myself on the ground in front of a dumpster. Chyenne was over top of me pulling stuff out of it.
“Ouch!” I complained, “My back hurts from you dragging me!”
“Oh grow up!” Chyenne snapped back. At this point she had her head in the dumpster and was pulling out “toys” and pieces of a broken sled.
“What are you doing!” I yelled. She turned to look at me. She smiled at me with that weird smile again.
“I am Santa Claus and you are Mrs. Claus.” she said. She turned back to what she was doing.
“Um…” I said, “No we aren’t. We don‘t even have elves!”
“YES WE ARE! And I have elves you know.” Her voice rang loudly like a police siren.
“Then where are they at?”
“At their houses duh, we gotta go pick them up later.” I sat there thinking about how stupid this girl can be. She is abnormally tall for her age with bright, red hair. She is known for doing stupid things. She gets into a lot of trouble, but this whole act right here was useless. I saw no point what so ever in it, but I still went along with it cause lets just say…Chyenne is known to get a little violent.
A while later I found a nice sled underneath us that was less broken then I thought (Chyenne fixed the broken part with super glue she had in her pocket- don‘t ask). Chyenne was in front of me holding on to some long, old rope she found in the dumpster. A bag of presents was behind me-or shall I say junk. Some toys were old, half-eaten candy for the children’s stockings, some old dolls she found with feet and hands missing, and some old legos and broken toy trucks.
“Chyenne.” I tried to say calmly trying not to upset her.
“The sled can’t go anywhere without anything pulling it!”
“Oh, whatever…” Chyenne said annoyed. She got up and pulled me onto the snow-covered ground. She picked up the sled and handed it to me and she grabbed the toys and starting walking. I obeyed and followed my “master.”
It felt like we walked for an eternity, but finally I found myself at my local riding stables I rode at. My instructor’s house was dark, I guessed she was asleep. All of the horses seemed to be sleeping too.
“What are we doing here!” I exclaimed.
“REINDEER!!!” Chyenne screamed on the top of her lungs.
“Reindeer!” At that very moment a black horse named Andy woke up and stared up at us, puzzled. Chyenne walked over to him and rubbed his thick, black mane. She then grabbed her bag and pulled something out of it. It was an old, brown can of spray paint. She sprayed it all over him until he was pure brown. Then she pulled a tomato out of her pocket and forced it on his nose. Andy neighed fearfully. Chyenne lead him out and tied him to the end of the rope (The other end was now attached to our sled.)
After doing this to eight other horses I found myself on a sled with nine “reindeer” in front of us, I was sitting on a broken sled with a bag full of dumpstery, broken toys, and a goofball in front of me wearing a Santa costume…well I shouldn’t be talking about anyone‘s appearance, I am wearing a “Mrs. Claus” costume, but that was by force.
“Oh my goodness!” Chyenne cried, “We are missing antlers!” I kept my mouth shut knowing asking questions would only make her mad. Chyenne hit the rope across the horses sides and they went walking down the dirt road that lead away from the stables and out to the main road.
On the main road Chyenne made them trot, then canter.
“Wow! This is fun!” I yelled over the thudding of horse hooves.
“I know isn’t it?”
After a few minutes of riding, Chyenne slowed them down to a trot, then walk, then a complete stop. When we stopped I found myself in front of my friend, Chris’s house.
“Why are we here?” I asked.
“Cause you know how Chris’’s dad is a deer hunter? Well, since he is they have tons of deer antlers, so I am going to steal nine of them to use on my “reindeer.”
“Okay?” I muttered, “What time is it?”
Chyenne glanced at her watch again. “Two sixty-seven.”
I glared at her and said calmly, “Chyenne…”
“Two sixty-seven isn’t an actual time…!”
“WELL IT IS NOW!” I gave her an annoyed look and watched as she went up to Chris’s holiday decorated door. I followed and when we opened it, (I knew it was almost always unlocked) we slowly tiptoed in. I stood by the door ready to open it so we could run out if anyone noticed us. Chyenne went into the garage and brought out a pile of antlers. His father ALWAYS goes hunting and finds deer antlers laying around and kills the occasional deer himself…yeah he isn’t the best hunter. She handed them to me. It was heavy, so heavy I nearly fell to my knees.
“There’s only eight antlers.” she informed me. She spun around in a slow circle looking for another. She spotted a deer head hanging from the wall. She ran over to it, nearly tripping in the process and pulled the antlers right off its limbless body . As I watched I wondered to myself, I really need to get new neighbors!
Once Chyenne got that antler I found ourselves back outside-again, and I watched Chyenne super glue antlers to the “reindeer’s” heads. I knew once my instructor found out her horses were missing, especially with antlers and paint on them (and a tomato on Andy) she would kill Chyenne. The thought made me laugh. All Well! I thought.
When Chyenne was done we were back on the sled. Before I knew it we were cantering again.
“Where are we going now?” I asked.
“Going to get my little elves.”
“Um okay?” Just then we stopped in front of one of Chris’s neighbor’s houses. I watched as Chyenne instantly got up and started pounding on the door.
“Chyenne!” I cried, “They have two three-year-old twins and a five-year-old! Don’t wake them up!”
“ELVES!” Chyenne cried on the top of her lungs.
The kid’s mother came to the door and opened it. While Chyenne was talking to her I hide behind a horse so only Chyenne would get blamed for this catastrophe. I listened quietly.
“I am Santa Claus.” Chyenne explained, “And I need elves, so I was wondering if your children could be my elves.”
“Sure!” the mother replied. I jumped to my feet, my mouth hung wide open. I couldn’t believe this! Some mother is just giving up her three children for the night to a person like Chyenne! She doesn’t even know her! I watched as the lady brought out a five-year-old girl, and the two twins. One was a boy and one was a girl. I watched as the three of them and Chyenne made a line of people holding hands as they made their way to the sled. I got in awhile.
“Sit right here on Mrs. Claus’s lap!” Chyenne said to the older girl. She sat on my lap and smiled warmly to me. The two twins sat on Chyenne’s lap. They seemed terrified of her, like they knew she wasn’t the brightest ray of light on the sun, but I kept my mouth shut- like usual.
Then we were off again. The three kids laughed as the horses cantered down the street.
“This is fun!” the older girl said in a babyish voice. The two twins nodded in agreement. Then we drove up to a cliff.
“No! What are you doing!”
“We are delivering presents to kids duh. But to start our journey we must start to fly.” Chyenne explained.
“No! Horses can’t fly!” I screamed in the cold, snowy, wintery night.
“They are NOT horses! They are reindeer!” Chyenne said her face turning red.
“Chyenne! It’s a 500 foot drop to the bottom! We are going to die an instant death, please don’t!”
“Well even if we do fall its just water below it wont hurt.”
“It wont hurt! Slapping the water after falling off a 500 foot cliff will hurt!” I said worried. I was almost crying knowing my life was in the balance. And the biggest dummy was in charge of it! We neared the cliff. I closed my dark blue eyes thinking of better thoughts, but all I could think about was one thing: death.
“On Dasher, On Dancer, On um Emily-” Chyenne called.
“On me? What?!”
“I don’t have names, can’t think of any so I named one Emily.” was my stupid answer. At this point the three “elves” were crying in fear. The lead horse, Andy (or shall I say Rudolph) took off, followed by the eight other horses. Then I felt the sled come off the ground. My eyes widened, I was terrified! I felt the horses starting to go down and the sled was following close behind. We started falling at a faster and faster rate. “toys” were flying everywhere, horses were whinnying in fear, Chyenne was screaming at the “reindeer” to fly, three “elves” were crying their eyes out. What should I do!?
As we got closer and closer to the bottom and we were speeding up faster and faster, I finally found the gut to say my last words, and they were, “Chyenne! You are such a freaking moron!” I heard the lead horse hit the water with a loud thud, he died an instant death. I heard the other horses hit, they had an instant death too. Then the sled hit. During the process of falling, the horse’s rope had come undone.
When we hit I realized in some miracle, the sled floated! I was alive! I looked at Chyenne and she was alive too, but all well, it will be fun yelling at her. I looked at the little boy and girl on her lap, they were luckily alive too. I looked at the older, blonde hair girl on my lap, she was also alive.
“Chyenne?” I asked wondering if I would get an answer.
“Yes?” came a frightened voice.
“We are alive! We are alive! All five of us lived!!!”
“What are you talking about?” I woke up, startled. Looking over me I saw my seven-year-old sister staring at me like I had mental issues.
“Get up nut job!” she said, “It’s Christmas!”
“It’s Christmas!” I repeated, I jumped out of bed and ran downstairs to find of course, a bunch of presents under the tree for my sister and I. I saw our stockings hanging gently from the fireplace filled with candy and smaller toys.
My sister ran upstairs to get Mom. And while she did I really thought about it, was it just a dream? Or did I really have a near death experience with Chyenne last night? I heard feet stumbling down the stairs so I cut my thoughts off for awhile- I mean it’s Christmas!
As my sister and mom arrived, not soon followed by Dad, my mind was set. I knew exactly which present I was opening first. It was pretty big and was wrapped with snowmen wrapping paper and a pretty little blue bow. It had a tag with a snowman on it and it said, “To: YOU, From: SANTA.”
As I opened my present I saw a brown box. I lifted the lid and inside was a…um…how do I put this…A MRS.CLAUS COSTUME!
YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.