Teacher Downsized

June 6, 2012
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The smoke cleared and there stood amidst the rubble a tiny figure dressed in ... Ms Keena’s clothes! We all gaped at the miniscule Ms Keena. THE WOMAN HAD SHRUNK! She stared around in wonder. For once the sullen expression had left her face replaced by one of utter surprise. No one spoke for the longest time, everyone astonished by the event that had just unfolded. It had been a result of an unsuccessful chemistry experiment.Then it was as if a volume button had been switched from mute to the atomic bomb setting. It was as if everyone had realised what had occurred at the exact same time. The progressing minutes were quite hectic to say the least what with people screaming, falling over pieces of caved in wall and one person even picked up Ms Keena, looked at her and then dropped her. That was when Natalia decided enough was enough. She produced an ear piercing whistle and everyone stopped and covered their ears with indignant expressions on their faces. She giggled for a moment when she noticed the flabbergasted faces but then she realised the gravity of the situation. She planted a “don’t mess with me” look on her face and proceeded to give her full attention to the class. “I realise we are in a slight pickle” she said trying to downplay the incident. Everyone stared at her with gratitude for trying the mess they were in until she said “we should ask Ms Keena what to do”. This sentiment of gratitude was quickly quashed by expressions of anger, incredulity and fear. There were cries of “I don’t think she can talk” “She will be so angry”. I mentally eye rolled and kept my composure until I heard “I don’t think we should, like touch her, maybe she’ll like explode. This last comment came from the ever wise Mindy who I still couldn’t grasp why was doing chemistry. I treated her to my best withering look. I really pride myself on that.
We all gazed at Ms Keena expectantly. She didn’t disappoint. The look of surprise and wonder on her face was quite comical but momentarily she was back to her normal brusque and cutting self. “Well I haven’t grown three heads now have I?” Her voice sounded completely different. It was high pitched and squeaky. It even slightly sounded like it had been auto tuned. Many people struggled to hide their laughter. “Well get to work, chop, chop. You better have a cure for this.” Natalia noted the usage of chop, chop and immediately set to work imagining herself decapitated by the little woman. “Did I not teach you anything after all these classes of chemistry?” She specifically didn’t look at Mindy.
We started to manically mix together different chemicals to find a cure but each attempt proved fruitless. After many failed attempts we reluctantly concluded that we would have to send for the principal Mr Hitler. Mr Hitler was a fearsome man. He was controlling, a dictator, anti semitic and had a slight German accent. As you can clearly see, it was a last resort.
He strode into the classroom with a look of distaste on his face. He spoke to Ms Keena in a calm and soothing tone of voice which the class had never seen him do before. He walked out with Ms Keena tucked into the breast pocket of his pinstripe suit. Ms Keena behaved completely out of character by sticking her tongue out at the class. The principal made his way back into the room and barked “clean up this mess” and left. After an excrutiating clean up, Natalia made her way home and dragged herself to bed, oblivious of what was to ensue.
The next morning Natalia got out of bed, started to eat her breakfast and turned on the television. The news came on displaying a photo of Ms Keena! It showed many other pictures of her current state and told of her story of how she came to be this way. Then the news broadcaster interviewed her and asked her some questions. Natalia was starting to become bored when she heard Ms Keena say “ Well I had been conducting this experiment in my class for the last few months where we tried to shrink me to a fraction of my size.” It continued with how she had “struggled with the formula for months”. Natalia had to give it to the woman she was a smooth operator. It finally ended with her saying “I’m so happy with my figure now, I’ve never been so skinny.” This earned a laugh from the newsreader.
Natalia switched from channel to channel and each one was covering the story of the “scientific genius” of Ms Keena. Natalia’s eyes were practically out on stalks. Ms Keena had become a major face in advertisement, endorsing everything from televisions to chewing gum and she already had her own products. You could pre order her tell all book which would be available later this month. There was also a swimwear line, a confectionary company, a supermarket chain and her own range of dolls. This was sheer lunacy!
Natalia rushed to school to discuss the news. She talked animatedly to other students and debated what products would next bear the teacher’s name. Then a hush descended on the crowd. There making her way to the students was... Ms Keena! She made her way to the chemistry class students who had made this all happen and said “Guys I really must thank you for what you’ve done to my life. I’ve never been happier and I’m incredibly rich now so I’m going to treat you all to a holiday in the Maldives.” Mindy asked “can we have some of those really cute bikinis?” “Oh sure you can” she started to unload a pile of them from a van that appeared out of nowhere. The woman really had everyone at her beck and call. Someone then asked “miss are you coming with us?” She stared at the students in horror. “God no, I would dread to think what would happen to me with you children around. Enjoy the holiday!” Then a sleek black limousine appeared and she climbed up a little ladder and sat into the plush seats. With a little wave the door was closed and the car drove away into the distance.

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paulc said...
Jun. 18, 2012 at 11:52 am
This was really funny. I loved the ending. :)
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