Planet of Weird Discarded Fairytales

May 5, 2008
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Once upon a time in a galaxy not far enough away, on a planet of weird discarded fairytales there was a large villainous statue named Nicolar. Nicolar had two Gatlin guns, one mounted on each of her wrists. She was attacking a small village. The village let loose Nickita the giant five headed psychic dog. Nickita had the powers of teleportation, telepathy, telekinesis, and the ability to fire blasts of psychic energy. Nickita launched herself at Nicolar just as Nicolar fired a round of five hundred bullets. Nickita reversed the bullets using her powers with ten times their original power. Before the bullets could hit her, Nicolar held up her hand, and a giant shield of pure marble grew out of it effectively shielding her from the bullets. Nickita fired a blast of psychic energy at Nicolar blasting off her arm, but Nicolar began to shake and suddenly a new arm made of pure marble grew out of her shoulder with a giant Gatlin gun for a hand.


A roar tore out from the mountains to the east, and the ground began to quake. The giant Semarkor was charging at the pair wildly swinging a massive croquette mallet made of pure titanium steel. She had been participating in the giant’s semi-century croquette tournament when she heard the rumble, never one to be left out of a fight; she had taken off toward the battlefield. She came charging at Nickita and Nicolar swinging her mallet at them. Just as the mallet struck Nicolar’s head killing her instantly, Nickita teleported behind Semarkor. She let loose five blasts of psychic energy at Semarkor, but just before they struck a nuclear missile plowed into the ground destroying the two, the village, and Nicolar’s remains.



One thousand five hundred ninety one years in the future:



The munchkin king Nickonar was flying on his purple people eater that was eating a peck of purple polka dotted people, while eating a purple polka dotted peck of purple polka dotted pickles. Nickonar was searching for a new location for his kingdom: the location of his last kingdom had been over run by gargantuan egg plants. However, these were not ordinary egg plants; they were munchkin eating egg plants. The king had been flying for over a month now living off of purple poke dotted pickles and their juice. He was flying low when he saw the fall out site in a quaint little valley with three hills in it in the shape of triangle. After he cast a spell to remove the radiation he built his village on the northern most hill.


Out of the mountains Wavern the great lead his clan of giants to the southeastern hill also building a village. The last clan to move into the valley was William the Mediocre and his clan of abnormal people. The villages were extremely close to one another which for a time the villages all existed in peace and harmony. That was until a lone traveler named Dandron arrived in the village of Aborani the home of the abnormals. He explored the village and was not happy in the slightest with what he had seen. The abnormals lived an extremely conservative lifestyle in which boredom was the only approved emotion. He discovered the same to be true about the other two villages, and was extremely sad that these people were so close minded. In the three villages children did not play, no one was allowed to have fun, and even worse the law stated that everyone had to work or sleep every minute of every day.


Dandron came up with a devious plot. He told the giants that the munchkins were planning an invasion of Gargantor which was their village. He then told the abnormals the same thing. The next step he executed in his plot was that he told the munchkins that Wavern and William were planning an invasion of their village of Minarria. All three villages were enraged at these plans for the invasion of their villages. William and Wavern became allies against Nickonar. Dandron was thrilled that his plot was working so well soon the villages would be in ruins.


Dandron set up a circle of ceremonial candles over the place where three powers had once fought and been destroyed. He began to chant spells millions of years old to raise the three powers from their burial grounds and to be able to control them absolutely. The three arose and bowed to their new master. He gave one each to the three villages: Nickita was given to Nickonar, Nicolar was given to William, and Semarkor was given to Wavern. The villages sent their power to destroy each other.


The three powers met in the circumcenter of the triangle. Semarkor and Nicolar attacked Nickita, but Nickita was not to be underestimated she teleported behind them and blasted them with massive amounts of psychic energy. Nicolar fired millions of rounds, but Dandron thought the bullets were too tiny so he snapped his fingers and turned them into rockets which destroyed all three villages in the crossfire. There were only three survivors: Nickonar, Wavern, and William. Dandron looked at them and said, “Your villages are no more. Your lifestyles have been obliterated; either learn from this event and change your ways, or I will destroy you just as I did the village that once stood here.”


Semarkor, Nicolar, and Nickita stopped their squabbling and said in unison, “You! You are the reason we were destroyed! We are going to destroy you!” They growled and charged with a roar at Dandron. Dandron snapped his fingers; all six were frozen in place. Dandron said the last sentence they would ever hear, “I tried to help you learn a better way to live, but I guess I failed, oh well it was fun.” He snapped his fingers and disappeared and a nuclear missile fell from the sky once more destroying the valley completely and turning it into a giant crater.





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