A Chidren's book for non-children.

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I went to buy a whale. The pet shop said I had mental problems so I went to the aquarium. The aquarium said sure and I realized whales are hard to pick up. I got a crane but the whale broke the crane. Then I left the whale and bought a koala bear. I was arrested since koalas are endangered. I told the police the pet shop shouldn’t be selling them but the police said they can sell them but anyone dumb enough to try and buy one will get arrested. I was then sent to a mental prison where I was threatened to be beat up. I tried breaking out but they sent me to Alcatraz and I said it wasn’t a prison anymore and they said to bad and said I had to be a tour guide. I escaped Alcatraz by swimming to Pakistan to move in with Bin Laden. But then I realized he was dead and took all of his money from the bank. I was then robbed of all of the money. When I tried to take it back I threatened them with a bee-bee gun. They weren’t scared so I was sent back to a mental prison. Merle was the old police officer that arrested me. He beat me up because I said he was old. So I was in house arrest and I tried going to a grocery store and I was sent back to a mental prison. Since it was a mental prison I broke out on my first try. All I said was I was going cliff diving and they let me go. When I went cliff diving merle was there and he thought cliff diving meant driving your car off a cliff. I thought that it would be fun to watch so I said he was right. He drove his car of the edge and then an indestructible spider appeared in his car. Then Merle jumped out about to land on a giant marshmallow, the marshmallow turned to a trampoline and Merle landed on the trampoline then the spider landed on Merle. Merle broke his arm and the spider felt bad. So the spider jumped out of the Sears tower. He scared so many people they started yelling “terrorist!” the U.S thought the spider was Al Qaeda so the U.S got in another war with them. The spider was thrown in a river. It blew up in the river. Apparently there was a nuke on the spider’s chest. Then the U.S thought it was another terrorist attack. So the U.S launched a dozen nukes at the Middle East. Superman caught two of the nukes. The third blew up in his hands. So now there are nine nukes headed toward the Middle East. Then the U.S shot missiles at Superman but he caught them and threw them back at the U.S then the U.S thought Superman was a terrorist.

so they gave up on the Middle East and started WWIII. Apparently Superman won the war by grabbing the missiles and throwing them back at the people who fired them. Then North Korea became allies with the U.S then Superman stood no chance. So North Korea was flooded and attacked us for no reason so the U.S declared WWLIV but people said you have to have a WWIV first but the U.S said it’s so epic it skips over the other wars. Superman came to the aid of the U.S while North Korea had millions of fire ants and the U.S said that they were out numbered so the U.S vowed never to start another war again with ants and North Korea. So the next day the U.S dropped a nuke on North Korea’s capital. But since North Korea is so secret the U.S didn’t know they were building another army of fire ants. But the U.S came prepared with an army of water ants. Water beats fire. Then North Korea brought ice ants which ice freezes water creating more ice ants. So after the huge loss of water ants to ice ants the U.S was in a nuclear war with North Korea. But since North Korea is so small we only had to launch 3 nukes to win the nuclear war and now the United States of America was in peace.





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