Puss The Ninjat

January 19, 2012
By , Concord, NC
Narrator: Once upon a time in West Forks, Maine, there lived a 10-year-old boy named Dudeman McDudeington (referred to by his peers as “Dude’’). One freezing night, after a day all alone, Dude heard his father’s carriage pull up to the front of their small home.
Dude: Dad! You’re home!
Father: Hello son, guess what I brought you.
Dude: What is it daddy?
Dad: A new cat son!
Narrator: Dude was deeply disappointed. He didn’t want a cat. Cats were boring, didn’t do much, and slept most of the time. Not wanting to make his father feel bad, Dude acted excited.
Dude: Yay! Thank you!
Narrator: Later in the afternoon of the next day, Dudeman was playing with his cat, Dobby. Dudeman pulls on the cat Dobby’s tail and starts dragging him around the room. The moment Dude let go of Dobby’s tail, Dobby turned right around and scratched Dude right in the face. Dude yelled out.
Dude: OW DOBBY, YOU SCRATCHED ME.
Dobby: *Hissssssss*
Narrator: At 8:46 PM that same night, while Dobby was sleeping, Dudeman McDudeington strangled his cat. Ever since then, every time Dudeman saw a hissing cat, he strangled it.
5 Years Later
Narrator: Puss the Ninjat and his partner Phantom the fox were famous throughout the animal world. It was said that when they were given an assignment, they never failed. Puss and Phantom was passing by the town of West Forks when they heard about the Cat Strangler Dudeman McDudeington. After asking around, they learned about Dude’s dark and evil past. There was a large bounty his head and Puss wanted to claim it. So one night, Phantom snuck up to the house and spied on the family.
Father: Dude, I must go to Augusta for two weeks for business. While I’m away, you must do all your chores and if I find out about any slacking off, you’ll be grounded for a month, understood? I’ve left you a schedule of what you must do.
Dude: Yes father.
Narrator: After Dude went to bed, Phantom snuck in and took the schedule from the kitchen table. He brought it to the small clearing in the woods where Puss was waiting.
Phantom: Puss? I’m back!
Puss: What did you find out?
Phantom: The father is leaving for two weeks. Also, he made a schedule for the Cat Strangler to follow. It’s right here.
Puss: Excellent. Let me see the schedule. Hmm. He wakes up at 6:30 to milk the cows and collect the eggs from the chickens. At 7:30 he must fetch fresh drinking water from the river. 9:00 he must chop firewood, 10:30 he cleans the house after which he has a lunch break. At 1:00 he feeds the animals and cleans the barn. 4:00 he goes to the lake to catch fish for dinner. After dinner he has free time where he will usually read a book by the big bookcase in his room. That’s it! We’ll push over the bookcase and flatten him.
Narrator: Later that night, Dude was reading by the bookshelf just as expected. Dude had his back turned to the bookshelf, unaware of his surroundings, drawn into the book. Puss climbed on top of the case and pushed against it with all his strength.
Puss: Ugh. Move!
Narrator: Suddenly, the bookshelf started to fall. At that exact moment, Dude left his spot to get a drink, so the bookshelf only crushed the chair. Puss, afraid of being seen, leapt off the shelf and out the window.
Phantom: Did you kill him?
Puss: No. He’s trickier than I thought. He must have sensed the book shelf falling and dodged just in time.
Narrator: At that exact same moment, Dude had walked back to his room.
Dude: What happened to the bookshelf?!?! That was father’s favorite chair. He is going to kill me when he finds out!
Narrator: The next morning.
Puss: I’ve come up with another plan! When he goes fishing at the lake, we’ll seal him in his carriage and then spook the horses so that they’ll run into the lake and drown him.
Phantom: Brilliant!
Narrator: The next day at 4:06 Dude headed off to the lake in his carriage. Puss climbed under the carriage with the metal bar. A quarter of a mile from the lake, Phantom was waiting to scare the horses. Puss took the bar and jammed the carriage door. As they passed by, Phantom growled and chased the horses as they came by, forcing them to run into the lake. Unfortunately, when the carriage hit the edge of the lake, the metal bar was knocked out and Dude escaped.
Puss: PHANTOM! What happened!?
Phantom: The bar was knocked out of the carriage.
Puss: Curses, foiled again.
Phantom: We can get him tomorrow right?
Puss: Right.
Narrator: By this time, Dude was getting more careful. He almost died two days in a row. He was cleaning the barn, when he noticed a hornets nest in the top right corner. He pulls out the ladder and attempts to go remove it. That is when Puss the Ninjat comes and pulls the ladder out from underneath him, where he lands on his head, breaking his neck and crushing his skull. But, before he dies, he sees a strange cat smiling at him from underneath the ladder.
Puss: Ha! In your face, Cat Strangler.
Narrator: When the father came home and found his son dead, he launched an investigation into the murder of Dudeman McDudeington. No culprit was ever found, and no evidence was ever gathered. Dude’s death was ruled out as an accident. The father died of a heart attack, one year after Dude was killed. Nobody ever suspected Puss killed Dude. Puss and Phantom retired and lived happily off of the large bounty they had collected.
Narrator: Once upon a time in West Forks, Maine, there lived a 10-year-old boy named Dudeman McDudeington (referred to by his peers as “Dude’’). One freezing night, after a day all alone, Dude heard his father’s carriage pull up to the front of their small home.
Dude: Dad! You’re home!
Father: Hello son, guess what I brought you.
Dude: What is it daddy?
Dad: A new cat son!
Narrator: Dude was deeply disappointed. He didn’t want a cat. Cats were boring, didn’t do much, and slept most of the time. Not wanting to make his father feel bad, Dude acted excited.
Dude: Yay! Thank you!
Narrator: Later in the afternoon of the next day, Dudeman was playing with his cat, Dobby. Dudeman pulls on the cat Dobby’s tail and starts dragging him around the room. The moment Dude let go of Dobby’s tail, Dobby turned right around and scratched Dude right in the face. Dude yelled out.
Dude: OW DOBBY, YOU SCRATCHED ME.
Dobby: *Hissssssss*
Narrator: At 8:46 PM that same night, while Dobby was sleeping, Dudeman McDudeington strangled his cat. Ever since then, every time Dudeman saw a hissing cat, he strangled it.
5 Years Later
Narrator: Puss the Ninjat and his partner Phantom the fox were famous throughout the animal world. It was said that when they were given an assignment, they never failed. Puss and Phantom was passing by the town of West Forks when they heard about the Cat Strangler Dudeman McDudeington. After asking around, they learned about Dude’s dark and evil past. There was a large bounty his head and Puss wanted to claim it. So one night, Phantom snuck up to the house and spied on the family.
Father: Dude, I must go to Augusta for two weeks for business. While I’m away, you must do all your chores and if I find out about any slacking off, you’ll be grounded for a month, understood? I’ve left you a schedule of what you must do.
Dude: Yes father.
Narrator: After Dude went to bed, Phantom snuck in and took the schedule from the kitchen table. He brought it to the small clearing in the woods where Puss was waiting.
Phantom: Puss? I’m back!
Puss: What did you find out?
Phantom: The father is leaving for two weeks. Also, he made a schedule for the Cat Strangler to follow. It’s right here.
Puss: Excellent. Let me see the schedule. Hmm. He wakes up at 6:30 to milk the cows and collect the eggs from the chickens. At 7:30 he must fetch fresh drinking water from the river. 9:00 he must chop firewood, 10:30 he cleans the house after which he has a lunch break. At 1:00 he feeds the animals and cleans the barn. 4:00 he goes to the lake to catch fish for dinner. After dinner he has free time where he will usually read a book by the big bookcase in his room. That’s it! We’ll push over the bookcase and flatten him.
Narrator: Later that night, Dude was reading by the bookshelf just as expected. Dude had his back turned to the bookshelf, unaware of his surroundings, drawn into the book. Puss climbed on top of the case and pushed against it with all his strength.
Puss: Ugh. Move!
Narrator: Suddenly, the bookshelf started to fall. At that exact moment, Dude left his spot to get a drink, so the bookshelf only crushed the chair. Puss, afraid of being seen, leapt off the shelf and out the window.
Phantom: Did you kill him?
Puss: No. He’s trickier than I thought. He must have sensed the book shelf falling and dodged just in time.
Narrator: At that exact same moment, Dude had walked back to his room.
Dude: What happened to the bookshelf?!?! That was father’s favorite chair. He is going to kill me when he finds out!
Narrator: The next morning.
Puss: I’ve come up with another plan! When he goes fishing at the lake, we’ll seal him in his carriage and then spook the horses so that they’ll run into the lake and drown him.
Phantom: Brilliant!
Narrator: The next day at 4:06 Dude headed off to the lake in his carriage. Puss climbed under the carriage with the metal bar. A quarter of a mile from the lake, Phantom was waiting to scare the horses. Puss took the bar and jammed the carriage door. As they passed by, Phantom growled and chased the horses as they came by, forcing them to run into the lake. Unfortunately, when the carriage hit the edge of the lake, the metal bar was knocked out and Dude escaped.
Puss: PHANTOM! What happened!?
Phantom: The bar was knocked out of the carriage.
Puss: Curses, foiled again.
Phantom: We can get him tomorrow right?
Puss: Right.
Narrator: By this time, Dude was getting more careful. He almost died two days in a row. He was cleaning the barn, when he noticed a hornets nest in the top right corner. He pulls out the ladder and attempts to go remove it. That is when Puss the Ninjat comes and pulls the ladder out from underneath him, where he lands on his head, breaking his neck and crushing his skull. But, before he dies, he sees a strange cat smiling at him from underneath the ladder.
Puss: Ha! In your face, Cat Strangler.
Narrator: When the father came home and found his son dead, he launched an investigation into the murder of Dudeman McDudeington. No culprit was ever found, and no evidence was ever gathered. Dude’s death was ruled out as an accident. The father died of a heart attack, one year after Dude was killed. Nobody ever suspected Puss killed Dude. Puss and Phantom retired and lived happily off of the large bounty they had collected.





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