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I sit on this cliff-face, covered with cuts and grazes, losing blood due to my rage-induced carelessness. The ocean below crashes onto the rough wall, as aggressively as a charging bull. The thick fog limits my vision, blurring and contorting objects around me.
And do I care? H*ll, no.
I feel serene here. I ran out of the building right after the call, trying to get the cluttered sentences out of my brain.
It didn’t exactly work.
No, I think it had the opposite effect. I remember the exact conversation more clearly than ever.
“Hey, honey! Why are you calling me? You know I’ve got a bit of a meeting going on right now.”
“I’m sorry. Blakey, please don’t take this personally, but... It’s over.”
“Oh, it’s okay...- Wait! WHAT? Jo, come on. No time for jokes. I need to get back.”
“I’m not kidding. And that’s fine, you can get back to that bullsh*t job, just make sure you get your cr*p out of my apartment by seven.”
“Jo! Joanna! This is not cool! Stop it! You know how much I... We need this job.”
“ Blake. I’m dumping you. “
“You aint kidding? B...But why, Jo-Jo? I thought it was gonna be me and you, together forever-”
“Blake. I... I’m sorry. I just can’t do it anymore. There’s... Another guy. I’m sorry, as much as I used to love you, there’s just nothing I feel when I see you. Let’s face it, we don’t have enough money for us to have the baby. You haven’t paid the rent in weeks. There’s a possibility we could be kicked out onto the streets. This guy... Well, he’s supported me for a while. In more ways than one.”
“Jo. What are you thinking? Just leaving me because you don’t think we have enough money? You’re not employed. You seriously think you can support our kid by yourself? “
“He’s got a proper job, Blake. A Proper job. And he actually owns a house. One that I won’t get kicked out of. He loves me, and he told me that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me.”
“Blake? Oh please, Blake. Don’t cry. Look, you’re a good guy, but the thing is, I just don’t find you attractive. The only reason we got together was because you knocked me up at that stupid party. That’s not fair on me. I always dreamed that I’d be with some brave knight in shining armour and with a dependable income. Not someone like you...”
“How long, Joanna? How LONG have you been LYING to me? SLEEPING at MY house? Pretending to be my sweetheart, whilst getting whisked off by some rich b****rd? I bet you don’t even know him, you... You GOLDDIGGER!”
“Actually, Blake, I’ve known the guy ever since high school. We even dated once, but then had to part ways when we got to college. I know how hard this must be for you, but I really think that this’ll be best... For both of us. I mean, were you really expecting for this to last?”
“YES, JOANNA. YES, I WAS!”
“Blake? What was that noise? Are you okay?”
“No. Joanna, I’m not OKAY. That noise was our wedding ring, going down the now-broken sewage pipe. I was going to PROPOSE to you tonight.”
“Why, Joanna? I... love you so much. You’re smart, funny, and gorgeous. You’re the most beautiful woman a man could meet.”
“Erm, well... Thanks, I guess? I’m sorry Blake. You’re scum. You’re a jerk, you think that I don’t remember the time you hurt me?”
“What!? Oh Jo-Jo. You have GOT to be kidding me...”
“Blake. I didn’t even do anything. You were drunk and mad, and you smashed the bottle on the side of my head. I had to go to hospital for a week, and I got fired from my job! What if you get angry with the baby? You could kill him. I don’t need that, Blake. I don’t. So please, I want you out of my life.”
“Get your stuff, get away from me, and never contact me again. If you see me on the street, I won’t know you. If you try to follow me or whatever, I’ll report you to the police for harassment. Got it? Good. I’m sorry, Blake. This is how it’s gonna go down. Goodbye.”
“Wait! Joanna. One last question! Please!”
“Ugh. Fine. What is it?”
“D...Did you ever love me? Like... Actually love me?”
“Please, Jo. I need to know.”
“When you first got me on my feet after my parents kicked me out of my house, I... Admired your kindness. You let me sleep over until I managed to rent out my own place. It was very nice of you, by the way. When you asked me to be your girlfriend... Well, I think I only did it because I felt like I owed you. I’m sorry. Bye, Blake.”
She left me.
For some rich-*ss b****rd.
I knew she was too good to be true. But I honestly say I never saw this coming. What about my son? I won’t see my own kid grow up... Will he know who his real daddy is? Or will she lie about that too? I suppose I could take her to court.
No, women always win in court. Besides, she’ll tell them about the time I got drunk. What she wouldn’t tell them is how careful I was after. I abstained from alcohol; I cherished her and loved her. Woke up extra-early just to make her breakfast, all just to make her happy.
Because, when she was happy... I was happy too.
But she broke that bond. And... I don’t know what to do. God, it’s hard to tell if the fog is thicker inside or outside my brain.
I want this all to be a dream. It just doesn’t feel very real.
It’s only now I realise that my clothes are becoming dry with caked blood. It feels quite uncomfortable, really. I suppose it was immature of me to run off like that, and I’m probably going to get fired, but screw it. My pregnant girlfriend just dumped me for some rich guy who she’s known since high school. I believe they’ll let me off with a warning.
Or they’ll dump me too. Just like her.
Huh. I suppose she’s my ex, now.
Joanna, my ex-girlfriend.
Huh. That sounds quite good, actually.
Joanna, the b****.
Joanna, the destroyer of all relationships and happiness.
Okay, the last one was a bit overboard. Should I be bitter like this? Isn’t it usually the crazy ex-girlfriends who are the bitter ones? It’s not very manly if you think about it. Guys don’t over think or thoroughly analyse. Guys move on and get laid some more.
I should have kept the ring. Maybe I could have returned it and actually paid the rent, and would have had enough money to actually buy some food. Jo-Jo and I hadn’t eaten anything other than pot-noodles for the past few months, and the salty, artificial taste doesn’t get any better, to be frank.
I could always sell my comics. Joanna would always go on and on about how nerdy it was of me to keep ‘em. But hey, I liked re-reading them, and they were vintage (I’d managed to keep a few in mint condition from my childhood).
Yeah, come on, Blake. Don’t let the ridiculous woman get you down. You can live perfectly well without her. She doesn’t want you. So what? Not being with her aint gonna kill you, for God’s sakes!
I clambered up, my body feeling oddly numb from the pain.
“Oh God...” I yelped, my voice unusually high.
The fog was so d*mn thick; I couldn’t even see what was in front of me. Well, at least I was getting well acquainted with the small, visible patch of emerald-green grass, which I was treading over with my feet.
“I’m sure that if I go back in the direction I came from, I’ll make it out alive.” I whispered to myself.
Yeah, it’ll be easy, if I just walk the way I came down, I’m bound to get back up. As long as I don’t slip again-
I looked around; I can’t believe how clumsy I can be sometimes. I must’ve fallen and rolled down... Somewhere....
Oh s***. I completely lost my bearings.
This cannot be happening.
“Okay, okay. Chill out. Just take a couple of steps in the direction you came from.”
That was a sensible idea. The issue, however, was that I had no idea what direction I had come from. Let’s see, if I rolled down this was, then therefore, if I walk backwards, I’ll get back to the road.
“Yeah. That’s good. Walk backwards.” I remind myself.
Hey! I’m right! The fogs even starting to go away a little and the texture of the ground is becoming a little different! Thank God, I was beginning to think that I could have been walking off the cliff-
The ground briskly crumbles below my feet, and it disappears. I attempt to get away, however, it’s too quick and I find my body suddenly free-falling off the cliff-face.
My body descends so quickly, it’s difficult to breathe. Tears roll up in my eyes, half from the sheer velocity and half from the bitter sorrow, caused by the realisation that I’m going to die.
Jesus, God, Buddha… Whoever the h*ll you are, please save me.
Throat raw, I keep on screaming as I watch the murky water below me rapidly come closer.
The last thing I hear is the deafening roar of me going underwater.