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A Royal Bedtime Story This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

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     No one really liked Princess Missi. She was bossy and spoiled and an all-around brat. The castle servants all agreed that she would benefit from a good grounding.

King Axter and Queen Lila gave Princess Missi everything she wanted, never made her eat vegetables, and never, ever sent her near a sewing needle.

They knew about the curse.

Since Princess Missi was royalty, at her birth, the fairies of the kingdom had come to give her presents.

After cooing and calling her “sweetie” and “cutsie-poo,” they lined up in the classic order.

Adele gave Princess Missi acute vision. Barina gave beauty. Clia gave charisma. Danielle gave dancing skills. Elle gave energy. And so on and so on.

Lastly came Zyphera, puffing as she flew in.

“Sorry!” she gasped. “Absolutely terrible headwinds! Is it my turn? Um ...”

Yami sighed. Zypera was not very creative. Of course, Z gifts posed a problem. (Xera felt rather proud of “not xenophobic.”)

Suddenly, Princess Missi started crying. Loudly. Zyphera frowned. How could she concentrate? Shushing the baby did not work. A puppy appeared, but then Princess Missi began screaming. Zyphera grimaced. Then she lost her temper.

“Go sit on a needle for a century!”

Zyphera gasped and clamped her jaw shut as the other fairies grew pale.

“What? What happened?” demanded King Axter.

The fairies all burst into tears.

“I’m sorry! I’m so terribly sorry!” sobbed Zyphera. “You see, magic is tricky, and when I yelled at the baby, it came out as a curse! I didn’t mean it!”

King Axter’s face drained. “What? You put a curse on my daughter?”

Zyphera sniffled and nodded. “I don’t know exactly how. The safe thing would be to keep Princess Missi away from all sewing implements. Who knows what might happen?” And with that, she and the rest of the fairies flew off.

It really was no excuse, but after that Queen Lila and King Axter tried to make Princess Missi’s life as pleasant as possible. Who knew when she might meet some terrible fate?

The other inhabitants of the castle, who did not know about the fairies, just tried to ignore Princess Missi.

“Cook! I want cake!” Princess Missi burst into the kitchen. Cook, who baked several cakes at a time for just this reason, cut a generous slice and handed it to the 18-year-old girl. Princess Missi snatched the plate and stomped (gracefully) off.

Rain poured down, making the castle dark and damp. Princess Missi decided that she hated rain. That settled, Missi flounced up to her room and looked at her closet, which always made her feel better. It was such a terrible day that Princess Missi could not keep still. Now seemed a good time for hot cocoa. But no one walked in the hall to fetch it for her. Princess Missi scowled. How dare they! Someone needed to be sacked. But first, she would have her drink.

Princess Missi started up toward the servants’ quarters. She kicked open a door, but the room looked empty. Her eyes narrowed. Two sackings. Princess Missi pouted and plopped down on the bed. It was a very small room. A bit of mending lay on a stool.

Hmmph, she thought. Ugly weave, and worse color.

When she tried to fling it across the room, her finger caught on the needle. A spot of blood appeared. She gasped, then (gracefully) sank onto the bed.

Immediately, the entire castle fell asleep.

A hundred years passed. No one visited the castle. The surrounding forest grew wild. A few woodcutters glanced at the ruins, but never thought to explore.

Except one man.

His name was Prince Robert Edward Alexander Henry Charles. Everyone just called him Bob. Prince Bob fit his longer name, though. He talked all the time. For hours, nonstop, hardly pausing for breath.

Finally sick of him, King Jacobson kicked him out of the castle to “go on a quest or something.”

So he rode off, with many speeches and farewells. He rode for days, looking for adventure and talking to his horse. Blackie soon bucked him off and galloped home. Then Prince Bob walked and chatted to the plants.

When he came across the castle, his face lit up. “Aha! Adventure fit for a king! Or a prince, anyway. How can I leave this mystery unsolved? I must go forth and plumb the depths of this crumbling ruin. Who knows what I may find? Treasure, maybe. Or monsters to slay.” Bob strode across the drawbridge and through the door. He gasped when he saw the people lying asleep. Then he grew even more excited. “Come! Let me discover who caused this! Do not despair if I never come out again, bright world, for I will never stop adventuring.”

He climbed winding stairs up to the attic. A door was ajar, so he peeked inside. There lay a beautiful princess! If I must do anything, I must rescue her, he decided. So he walked up to her.

“Princess, wake up, please. You mustn’t sleep. I am here, and I long to talk to you. Please, arise from your slumber and tell me your name.” Bob grew tired and frustrated, but tried to speak kindly. Then, finally, he cracked. “Why won’t you wake up?” he shouted. “You lazy girl! Get up!” Bob leaned in closer and bellowed right in her ear, “Wake up!”

Princess Missi was never scolded.

She woke up.

“You’re awake!” cheered Bob. “It’s amazing! Oh, beautiful princess, I now see that you are even lovelier awake! No other woman or girl can compare to you! No flower on earth ...”

Princess Missi smiled. She liked compliments. Then King Axter and Queen Lila walked in. Bob wheeled and knelt at their feet. “Oh, mighty rulers! I beg you that I may marry your daughter, whose beauty outshines the sun! Please let me marry this pearl among pearls, this rose among roses, this-”

“Does she agree?” asked Queen Lila.

“Uh ...” Price Bob turned red. He had not asked her. “D’you wanna?” Princess Missi nodded happily. Prince Bob sighed in relief. She could get used to a lifetime of fawning.

“Well ...” mumbled King Axter.

“Um ...” mumbled Queen Lila.

“Take her!” shouted all the nobles, cooks, servants, jesters, scribes and gardeners lined up in the hall.

“All right!” he cheered. Off went Prince Bob and Princess Missi.

King Axter and Queen Lila’s realm soon grew more peaceful after that.

King Jacobson’s grew a bit louder.

And Zephyr? She never could make good spells. Her next subject ended up a frog.

Oh, well!

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.




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This article has 49 comments. Post your own now!

Summerstar said...
Jul. 2 at 10:10 pm
I can't tell you how much I enjoyed this. You kept it clean, relevant and honestly, it's so much funnier with a modern fairy-tale. The Prince is lovable in an obnoxious way and the whole story is familiar, but new, keeping it engaging and fun, keep writing.
 
GreekGoddessThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jun. 10 at 8:00 pm
I love the idea and concept! I noticed that you tell the readers a lot of things, like you tell us that the Prince talks a lot and you state things very obviously. I suggest that you show more things instead of talking about them. Other than that, good job!
 
Hither2 said...
Jun. 10 at 9:53 am
Adorable! I love the concept of the imperfect princess.
 
BreeZephyrThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 13 at 12:17 pm
This was a cute story, very clever, and it made me laugh while reading it. However, just one teensy critique: I did notice that the fairy's name "Zyphera" changed to "Zephyr" for some reason at the end of the story--I guess I would notice, considering my profile name. :)
 
TaylorWintryThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 18, 2014 at 12:56 am
Loved it. Immediately reminded me of a "Sleeping Beauty" parody. So good! Would love to read more fairy tales like this. (:
 
Sapphire9This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 5, 2014 at 11:12 pm
So funny! All fairytales should be like this :D I loved it
 
Pseudonym329 said...
Jan. 20, 2014 at 8:06 pm
This is funny! I like the last line! Could you PLEASE check out my account? It would be an honor!
 
Cypris said...
Jan. 20, 2014 at 5:07 pm
WOW! this was SO AMAZING!! I loved it!
 
Bygler said...
Nov. 15, 2013 at 4:05 pm
better love story than twlight
 
Cutey-Beauty said...
Jun. 15, 2013 at 4:37 am
HILLARIOUS contemporary version of "Sleeping Beauty", loved it so much :) KEEP WRITING!
 
Proton replied...
today at 4:29 pm
The author clearly needs to work on using more complex vocabulary. Terrible poem from an illiterate buffoon
 
WriterHeadThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 1, 2013 at 12:35 pm
this was so cute!!!!! :) i loved it. this could be a movie, maybe a goofy fairytale theme.
 
CurlyGirl17This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Mar. 3, 2013 at 3:02 pm
That was cute. Prince Bob cracks me up. :)
 
kkgirlbff said...
Feb. 27, 2013 at 10:40 pm
I read this story out loud and my mom thought it remided her of me. lol cx
 
LittleFlutiePie said...
Sept. 13, 2012 at 1:43 pm
I'm sittin gin my school library since I'm the assistant this semester, and I almost started laughing out loud. THis is hilarious! Haha :)
 
FreedomIsMyVirtue said...
Aug. 6, 2011 at 6:18 am
This is adorably freezing fantastic!!! Nyah! I think this is the most hilarious article on TI. Keep writing! :)))
 
Hermione700 said...
Aug. 2, 2011 at 1:49 pm
L.O.L, that cracked me up. at first i thought it would be a boring retelling of a fairytail but actually it was absolutely hilarious. :D i agree too that it would be an awesome dreamworks movie. lol lol lol.
 
writerfreak21231This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 15, 2011 at 2:55 pm
There called nightstalker and the beast. Make sure u check them out!
 
writerfreak21231This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 8:58 am

I loved it! It was hilarious! Keep writing! I just posted two new books. and if any of u read it make sure u comment on it if u liked it or not or if i should change anything.

 

 
Fairitism said...
Jun. 14, 2011 at 2:50 pm
If my siblings ever ask for a fairy tale again.... I'm telling them the hilarious Royal Bedtime Story!! K:)
 
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