NightStalker part 2: Chapter one: Stalked by a Stalker

Total chaos erupted once once the masked man shot the suited mans foot. He fell on the ground moaning with pain.

“Get him!Get him!” shouted the suited man.

The masked man ran as fast as he could zipping by the wilting willow tree to the left where the suited mans silver gun lay. He took it firing wildly at the guards that were trailing behind him.

“Come back here!” the guards shouted at the black man who shot their boss.

The masked man continued to run, even faster than before.

He ran past a small town where he was continued to being trailed by the three armed guard.

He soon slipped in between a grime covered ally that had a layer of filth on the floor. There was two moldy trash bins on the right side of the ally.

The guards ran by not even taking in the ally. The masked man continued down the long narrow ally.

He then finally reached light and turned to a crooked road that swiveled up to a dark looming house, that was covered by naked trees. The moon and the wisps of clouds matched the eerie appearance of the house.

The masked man walked up the road taking his time, and every few minutes looking back over his shoulder.

He reached the eerie house and yanked open the old wooden door, creaking when doing so.

“Your home?!” a woman cried. She was dresses in a white and black outfit, which could only be registered as a maids outfit. She had golden hair that was pulled up into a messy bun. She had sparkling hazel eyes and her skin glowed when she step forth into the light to take the masked mans coat.

“Jadyn! You ripped your coat!” she said as if it had happened before.

“Sorry, being the NightStalker, is hard work” Jadyn put quotes when he said “NightStalker”.

“What! There calling you a hideous beast! That is so not true!” the women.

“Melonie, it’s fine I’m OK with it. I just ignore it” Jadyn said to her.

“It’s not OK! They named you after a murder! Sure you both lurk around at night, but your not a murder!” Melonie protested.

“Good night Melonie!” Jadyn waved a good night and headed up the wounding stair case that lay in front of him.

He went to his bedroom on the far left side of the hallway. He opened the door to reveal a dark bedroom. You could still make out the faint figures of a small book case to the right and a medium sized bed to the left. right in front was a white dresser and a desk. He took off his coat and got on his nightwear. All Jadyn wanted to do was get to sleep. He rolled onto the bed and he closed his eyes. In an instant, he was asleep.





Join the Discussion

This article has 20 comments. Post your own now!

writerfreak21231 said...
Aug. 23, 2011 at 1:03 pm
chapter three, four, and five are know posted! :)(:
 
jellotinisjiggly24 said...
Aug. 17, 2011 at 3:58 pm
actually now it is: jellotinisjiggly24
 
Malrox21213 said...
Aug. 15, 2011 at 6:53 pm
oh and my new user name is now: Malrox21213 instead of: writerfreak21231.
 
CarrieAnn13 said...
Aug. 13, 2011 at 6:48 pm

I agree with Megan.J.B.  This was better than the first one, but I still have criticisms.

1.  Description is really important.  I felt like I was in a dark room with random people talking.  Use more description.

2.  Still work on your dialogue.

3.  WORK ON YOUR GRAMMAR!

 
writerfreak21231 replied...
Aug. 13, 2011 at 7:23 pm
thank u for the critsums! and i will work on my grammar :)(:
 
Megan.J.B said...
Jul. 29, 2011 at 12:31 pm
I liked this one better than the last one, but I would still work on making dialogue more realistic sounding. I liked how this one has more detail. :)
 
writerfreak21231 replied...
Jul. 30, 2011 at 9:48 am
thanks for reading! and thanks for the comment! :)(:
 
k_luvs_you said...
Jul. 23, 2011 at 10:32 pm
Okay, I am officially hooked. I liked the amount of detail in this one. Please submit the next one soon:)
 
writerfreak21231 replied...
Jul. 24, 2011 at 8:22 am
thanks! and i will! :)(:
 
HaleyStar said...
Jul. 21, 2011 at 8:12 pm
I'm one chapter away from being done with the sequel to Glimpse, and I'm two chapters in one the book after that. I'm doing it all like a series with words connected with photgraphy. Book 1 is Glimpse. 2 is Flash. 3 is Darkroom, and there might even be a 4 if I can think up a plotline.
 
writerfreak21231 replied...
Jul. 22, 2011 at 6:49 am
SO COOL!!!! I cant wait to read them. hey when my new series called the alien invasion series book one: the called comes out. could u read it? I'm making a new series. book one is the caller,2 the shape shifter, 3 the greenlid, 4 the ghost, 5 coming together.
 
HaleyStar replied...
Jul. 22, 2011 at 5:00 pm
Heck yeah, I love reading stuff like that. Anyways, I submitted Flash, Glimpse's sequel today, and I actually like it a lot better than Glimpse in some ways.
 
HaleyStar said...
Jul. 21, 2011 at 7:57 pm
Yes, keep writing, you've got me hooked. :)
 
writerfreak21231 replied...
Jul. 21, 2011 at 8:04 pm
thanks! and i LOVED glimpse!! keep writing urself! as well! ur really good!
 
writer015 said...
Jul. 21, 2011 at 6:52 pm
I like this to, but not as much as the first chapter. I don't think the dialog is completely real sounding. But it does have a good plot line!
 
writerfreak21231 replied...
Jul. 21, 2011 at 8:05 pm
thanks you!! :)(:
 
writerfreak21231 said...
Jul. 20, 2011 at 8:30 am
Another story of mine has just been posted, its called Disappeared. Go check it out! :)(:
 
Angel_eyes replied...
Jul. 21, 2011 at 10:43 am
wow im impressed i loved the story so :) its really good you should continue it im anxious to see what happens next 
 
writerfreak21231 replied...
Jul. 21, 2011 at 11:58 am
thanks! I will continue! :D
 
Angel_eyes replied...
Aug. 10, 2011 at 3:43 am
np :) and i hope u do
 
bRealTime banner ad on the left side
Site Feedback