NightStalker part 2: Chapter one: Stalked by a Stalker

July 12, 2011
By Free_One PLATINUM, ????, Ohio
Free_One PLATINUM, ????, Ohio
40 articles 1 photo 773 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am not invincible or unstoppable, but I stay strong because it is the only way to survive in this world."


Total chaos erupted once once the masked man shot the suited mans foot. He fell on the ground moaning with pain.

“Get him!Get him!” shouted the suited man.

The masked man ran as fast as he could zipping by the wilting willow tree to the left where the suited mans silver gun lay. He took it firing wildly at the guards that were trailing behind him.

“Come back here!” the guards shouted at the black man who shot their boss.

The masked man continued to run, even faster than before.

He ran past a small town where he was continued to being trailed by the three armed guard.

He soon slipped in between a grime covered ally that had a layer of filth on the floor. There was two moldy trash bins on the right side of the ally.

The guards ran by not even taking in the ally. The masked man continued down the long narrow ally.

He then finally reached light and turned to a crooked road that swiveled up to a dark looming house, that was covered by naked trees. The moon and the wisps of clouds matched the eerie appearance of the house.

The masked man walked up the road taking his time, and every few minutes looking back over his shoulder.

He reached the eerie house and yanked open the old wooden door, creaking when doing so.

“Your home?!” a woman cried. She was dresses in a white and black outfit, which could only be registered as a maids outfit. She had golden hair that was pulled up into a messy bun. She had sparkling hazel eyes and her skin glowed when she step forth into the light to take the masked mans coat.

“Jadyn! You ripped your coat!” she said as if it had happened before.

“Sorry, being the NightStalker, is hard work” Jadyn put quotes when he said “NightStalker”.

“What! There calling you a hideous beast! That is so not true!” the women.

“Melonie, it’s fine I’m OK with it. I just ignore it” Jadyn said to her.

“It’s not OK! They named you after a murder! Sure you both lurk around at night, but your not a murder!” Melonie protested.

“Good night Melonie!” Jadyn waved a good night and headed up the wounding stair case that lay in front of him.

He went to his bedroom on the far left side of the hallway. He opened the door to reveal a dark bedroom. You could still make out the faint figures of a small book case to the right and a medium sized bed to the left. right in front was a white dresser and a desk. He took off his coat and got on his nightwear. All Jadyn wanted to do was get to sleep. He rolled onto the bed and he closed his eyes. In an instant, he was asleep.



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This article has 20 comments.


on Aug. 23 2011 at 1:03 pm
Free_One PLATINUM, ????, Ohio
40 articles 1 photo 773 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am not invincible or unstoppable, but I stay strong because it is the only way to survive in this world."

chapter three, four, and five are know posted! :)(:

on Aug. 17 2011 at 3:58 pm
Free_One PLATINUM, ????, Ohio
40 articles 1 photo 773 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am not invincible or unstoppable, but I stay strong because it is the only way to survive in this world."

actually now it is: jellotinisjiggly24

on Aug. 15 2011 at 6:53 pm
Free_One PLATINUM, ????, Ohio
40 articles 1 photo 773 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am not invincible or unstoppable, but I stay strong because it is the only way to survive in this world."

oh and my new user name is now: Malrox21213 instead of: writerfreak21231.

on Aug. 13 2011 at 7:23 pm
Free_One PLATINUM, ????, Ohio
40 articles 1 photo 773 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am not invincible or unstoppable, but I stay strong because it is the only way to survive in this world."

thank u for the critsums! and i will work on my grammar :)(:

on Aug. 13 2011 at 6:48 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

I agree with Megan.J.B.  This was better than the first one, but I still have criticisms.

1.  Description is really important.  I felt like I was in a dark room with random people talking.  Use more description.

2.  Still work on your dialogue.

3.  WORK ON YOUR GRAMMAR!


on Aug. 10 2011 at 3:43 am
Angel_eyes SILVER, New York City, New York
6 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life goes on no matter what so live life with those that truly deserve you."

np :) and i hope u do

on Jul. 30 2011 at 9:48 am
Free_One PLATINUM, ????, Ohio
40 articles 1 photo 773 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am not invincible or unstoppable, but I stay strong because it is the only way to survive in this world."

thanks for reading! and thanks for the comment! :)(:

Megan.J.B said...
on Jul. 29 2011 at 12:31 pm
Megan.J.B, Sault Ste Marie, Other
0 articles 0 photos 185 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Here's the real truth. There are eight million people in this city. And those teeming masses exist for the sole purpose of lifting the few exceptional people onto their shoulders. You, me? We're exceptional."
- Green Goblin. :)

I liked this one better than the last one, but I would still work on making dialogue more realistic sounding. I liked how this one has more detail. :)

on Jul. 24 2011 at 8:22 am
Free_One PLATINUM, ????, Ohio
40 articles 1 photo 773 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am not invincible or unstoppable, but I stay strong because it is the only way to survive in this world."

thanks! and i will! :)(:

on Jul. 23 2011 at 10:32 pm
k_luvs_you BRONZE, North Richland Hills, Texas
2 articles 0 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
Emily: Thackery Binx, what took thee so long?
Thackery Binx: I'm sorry, Emily. I had to wait three hundred years for a virgin to light a candle. - Hocus Pocus

Okay, I am officially hooked. I liked the amount of detail in this one. Please submit the next one soon:)

HaleyStar GOLD said...
on Jul. 22 2011 at 5:00 pm
HaleyStar GOLD, Mattoon, Illinois
12 articles 2 photos 35 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The dog? You are named after a dog?"
"I had a lot of fond memories of that Dog."~Indiana Jones~

"Can you knot?"
"I cannot."
"You can knot?"
"I cannot knot." ~Winnie the Pooh movie~

Heck yeah, I love reading stuff like that. Anyways, I submitted Flash, Glimpse's sequel today, and I actually like it a lot better than Glimpse in some ways.

on Jul. 22 2011 at 6:49 am
Free_One PLATINUM, ????, Ohio
40 articles 1 photo 773 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am not invincible or unstoppable, but I stay strong because it is the only way to survive in this world."

SO COOL!!!! I cant wait to read them. hey when my new series called the alien invasion series book one: the called comes out. could u read it? I'm making a new series. book one is the caller,2 the shape shifter, 3 the greenlid, 4 the ghost, 5 coming together.

HaleyStar GOLD said...
on Jul. 21 2011 at 8:12 pm
HaleyStar GOLD, Mattoon, Illinois
12 articles 2 photos 35 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The dog? You are named after a dog?"
"I had a lot of fond memories of that Dog."~Indiana Jones~

"Can you knot?"
"I cannot."
"You can knot?"
"I cannot knot." ~Winnie the Pooh movie~

I'm one chapter away from being done with the sequel to Glimpse, and I'm two chapters in one the book after that. I'm doing it all like a series with words connected with photgraphy. Book 1 is Glimpse. 2 is Flash. 3 is Darkroom, and there might even be a 4 if I can think up a plotline.

on Jul. 21 2011 at 8:05 pm
Free_One PLATINUM, ????, Ohio
40 articles 1 photo 773 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am not invincible or unstoppable, but I stay strong because it is the only way to survive in this world."

thanks you!! :)(:

on Jul. 21 2011 at 8:04 pm
Free_One PLATINUM, ????, Ohio
40 articles 1 photo 773 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am not invincible or unstoppable, but I stay strong because it is the only way to survive in this world."

thanks! and i LOVED glimpse!! keep writing urself! as well! ur really good!

HaleyStar GOLD said...
on Jul. 21 2011 at 7:57 pm
HaleyStar GOLD, Mattoon, Illinois
12 articles 2 photos 35 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The dog? You are named after a dog?"
"I had a lot of fond memories of that Dog."~Indiana Jones~

"Can you knot?"
"I cannot."
"You can knot?"
"I cannot knot." ~Winnie the Pooh movie~

Yes, keep writing, you've got me hooked. :)

writer015 GOLD said...
on Jul. 21 2011 at 6:52 pm
writer015 GOLD, Howard, Ohio
11 articles 13 photos 112 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. " --Marianne Williamson

I like this to, but not as much as the first chapter. I don't think the dialog is completely real sounding. But it does have a good plot line!

on Jul. 21 2011 at 11:58 am
Free_One PLATINUM, ????, Ohio
40 articles 1 photo 773 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am not invincible or unstoppable, but I stay strong because it is the only way to survive in this world."

thanks! I will continue! :D

on Jul. 21 2011 at 10:43 am
Angel_eyes SILVER, New York City, New York
6 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life goes on no matter what so live life with those that truly deserve you."

wow im impressed i loved the story so :) its really good you should continue it im anxious to see what happens next 

on Jul. 20 2011 at 8:30 am
Free_One PLATINUM, ????, Ohio
40 articles 1 photo 773 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am not invincible or unstoppable, but I stay strong because it is the only way to survive in this world."

Another story of mine has just been posted, its called Disappeared. Go check it out! :)(:


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