NightStalker | Teen Ink

NightStalker

June 25, 2011
By Free_One PLATINUM, ????, Ohio
Free_One PLATINUM, ????, Ohio
40 articles 1 photo 773 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am not invincible or unstoppable, but I stay strong because it is the only way to survive in this world."


Prologue

The man stealthily lurked through the darkness waiting for someone to catch him. Nobody came out of the lurking darkness that stood behind him. He turned back quickly one more time and then turned back to what he was doing.

He walked over to a tall sharp fence and climbed over it snagging part of his black coat going over, ripping it.

He grumbled once he got over lifting up the ripped side.

“I’ll fix it later!” he mumbled gruffly as he started walking toward a huge looming building.

“He’s coming! hurry! In your positions!” said a big armed guard looking from a tall look out tower.

Down below was a dark figure of a man walking towards the guard tower.

The man looked up at all the armed guards and froze.

“Crap!” he said under his breath looking down from the light that was casted on him.

“Well, well, long time no see ah?” said a man in a red uniform with so many medals on the suit you could definitely tell that he was in charge.

“You, have been causing trouble, all around the country side. Stealing, and causing a ruckus among the people of the towns.” the red suited man continued, staring straight in the masked mans black eyes.

He then looked down at the coat. “It seems like you have been causing even more of a ruckus as well. Where do you think your going?” asked the red suit man fingering the tared fabric of the coat.

The man in the mask didn’t answer.

“Hmmm, you want to be difficult ah?” asked the man taking out a silver pistol.

“Well then, I will too.” the red suit man holding the pistol over the masked mans heart.

“It seems like you have earned yourself a new name through theses past weeks. People now call you NightStalker.” the red suit man continued slyly.

“Did you, know about this?” asked the red suit man.

The masked man gripped the gun in his left hand hard.

It appeared that the suited man noticed because then he said: “Ah, it seems you don’t like this name? You don’t, do you?” asked the suited man peering at the masked man closely.

Then speaking for the first time, the masked man spoke in a deep rich voice, “Why, why would I like this name? It is a name of a monster. Not a human being.”

“Well, you’re not, How do I put it nicely, not a human being. I mean come on, the way you climb so gracefully, the way you can get around an enemy so quietly, or how you can shoot twenty men with only one bullet.” the suited man said holding one finger and continuing. “This, is not normal.” the suited man shook his finger at him.

“How, how do you do it?” the suited man asked him.

The masked man responded, “Practice.” he said simply.

“How could you say that? just practice? I don’t think so! So tell me, how is this possible? Are you an alien? Did you fall in some toxic waste? What?!” demanded the red suited man.

“Toxic waste? Do you really think I'm some super hero?” asked the masked man in disbelief.

“Well then how is the things you do possible?” he asked.

“I have my ways” said the dressed in black masked man said mysteriously.

The red suited man started to pace around in circle still keeping the gun poised at the masked mans heart.

“Well,since it seems like you won’t give give me answers, I guess I will have to shoot the answer out of you!” the red suited man said.

He then pointed the gun at the masked man and locked the gun aiming at his chest.

“Tell me, or I will shoot you” demanded the suited man.

“No” the masked man said firmly.

“Well then, I’m sorry to say that you will be in a hospital bed for quiet some time” said the red suited man ready to pull back the trigger.

Then the man in the mask kicked the gun out of his hand knocking it all the way to a flimsy willow tree to the left.

The masked man took out his black shiny gun gracefully and pointed it at the suited mans heart.

“Well now, we don’t have to be harsh on this matter, put the gun down” the suited man motioned to put the gun on the grassy floor.

“says the man who was about ready to shoot me!” laughed the masked man not putting the gun down but putting the gun closer to the mans heart.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to shoot you” the masked man said, the suited man sighing with relief. “I’m just going to give you a little reminder that you can’t beat me that easily!” and with that the masked man shot his foot.



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This article has 84 comments.


on Jul. 22 2011 at 6:55 am
Free_One PLATINUM, ????, Ohio
40 articles 1 photo 773 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am not invincible or unstoppable, but I stay strong because it is the only way to survive in this world."

thanks! :) I will post more!

writer015 GOLD said...
on Jul. 21 2011 at 9:39 pm
writer015 GOLD, Howard, Ohio
11 articles 13 photos 112 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. " --Marianne Williamson

Your welcome! It was a very fun read! =)

on Jul. 21 2011 at 8:03 pm
Free_One PLATINUM, ????, Ohio
40 articles 1 photo 773 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am not invincible or unstoppable, but I stay strong because it is the only way to survive in this world."

thanks! and thanks for reading! :)

writer015 GOLD said...
on Jul. 21 2011 at 6:49 pm
writer015 GOLD, Howard, Ohio
11 articles 13 photos 112 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. " --Marianne Williamson

I liked this! Not bad at all! The only thing I would change would be to add more detale. This certainly made me want to know whats gonna happen. =)
Keep writing! =)

on Jul. 21 2011 at 11:59 am
Free_One PLATINUM, ????, Ohio
40 articles 1 photo 773 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am not invincible or unstoppable, but I stay strong because it is the only way to survive in this world."

Yeah! I will check your work out! and i couldnt have said it better myself! write on!:)(:

on Jul. 21 2011 at 10:24 am
SaritaFajita BRONZE, Arlington, Texas
3 articles 0 photos 33 comments

Favorite Quote:
- In your anger do not sin.
Psalm 4:4

- "Love the life you live, live the life you love." -bob marley.

Pretty good! :) The dialouge wasnt too long so it didnt make the story boring.

[P.S. Could you please check out some of my work? Just click my username and you should see my poem and fiction short-story. Rate and comment and that would be great! Thanks so much!!]

- Write On! (:


on Jul. 20 2011 at 8:31 am
Free_One PLATINUM, ????, Ohio
40 articles 1 photo 773 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am not invincible or unstoppable, but I stay strong because it is the only way to survive in this world."

I just posted another story called Disappeared it is the first part. Go check it out! :)(:

on Jul. 19 2011 at 7:02 pm
Free_One PLATINUM, ????, Ohio
40 articles 1 photo 773 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am not invincible or unstoppable, but I stay strong because it is the only way to survive in this world."

Oh, and i also posted a novel called the beast if u are interested in action adventure. Its in that section, but it is kind-of a thrill. Enjoy! :)(:

on Jul. 18 2011 at 8:06 pm
Free_One PLATINUM, ????, Ohio
40 articles 1 photo 773 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am not invincible or unstoppable, but I stay strong because it is the only way to survive in this world."

Guess WHAT!!! I just posted the next chapter for nightstalker! Go check it out if u like the first part! Enjoy!

on Jul. 18 2011 at 2:29 pm
Free_One PLATINUM, ????, Ohio
40 articles 1 photo 773 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am not invincible or unstoppable, but I stay strong because it is the only way to survive in this world."

thanks for the helpful critzsum! And thanks for reading! :)

KatAnne SILVER said...
on Jul. 18 2011 at 2:19 pm
KatAnne SILVER, Meadville, Pennsylvania
8 articles 1 photo 165 comments

Favorite Quote:
http://teenink.com/fiction/realistic_fiction/article/128063/Sweet-Sixteen/
http://teenink.com/fiction/romance/article/129766/It-Just-Happened/
http://teenink.com/fiction/romance/article/162872/Forbidden-Love-and-Great-Adventure-Part-One

You used some words to frequently such as over and looming.  You say "looming building," instead of stating that it's a "looming building" show us.  Tell the reader that there are few windows, the building itself looks black in the night, what light does peak through the curtained windows, it eerily leaks out onto the ground and plays tricks on the eyes of the protagonist.  Stuff like that, but other than those few things that I pointed out you have a good foundation for a great story.  Hope it helps.  :)

on Jul. 16 2011 at 6:19 pm
Free_One PLATINUM, ????, Ohio
40 articles 1 photo 773 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am not invincible or unstoppable, but I stay strong because it is the only way to survive in this world."

Thanks! for the feed back and the positive comment! I enjoy listening! and I will try not to repeat myself!

apage94 SILVER said...
on Jul. 16 2011 at 5:02 pm
apage94 SILVER, Saint Peters, Missouri
6 articles 0 photos 14 comments
okay, so you repeat words a lot. like, in the first paragraph, you say turned, darkness, and lurked each twice. but, that aside, i already really like the story line you're setting up just by reading the prologue itself! (: spot on.

on Jul. 16 2011 at 1:06 pm
Free_One PLATINUM, ????, Ohio
40 articles 1 photo 773 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am not invincible or unstoppable, but I stay strong because it is the only way to survive in this world."

I also wrote another story called the beast and i only ahevtwo comments. please if u can check the beast out. Thanks! :D

on Jul. 15 2011 at 10:04 am
Free_One PLATINUM, ????, Ohio
40 articles 1 photo 773 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am not invincible or unstoppable, but I stay strong because it is the only way to survive in this world."

Thanks! I'll check them out! :D

on Jul. 15 2011 at 10:02 am
Free_One PLATINUM, ????, Ohio
40 articles 1 photo 773 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am not invincible or unstoppable, but I stay strong because it is the only way to survive in this world."

yeah! sure! just tell me the name of ur poems! :D

on Jul. 14 2011 at 2:14 pm
ElleNicole BRONZE, St. Louis, Missouri
2 articles 0 photos 107 comments

Favorite Quote:
"My role in society, or any artist's or poet's role, is to try and express what we all feel. Not to tell people how to feel. Not as a preacher, not as a leader, but as a reflection of us all."

This is really really good! =)

I only write poems usually, but would you be willing to check my poem out?


HaleyStar GOLD said...
on Jul. 14 2011 at 10:54 am
HaleyStar GOLD, Mattoon, Illinois
12 articles 2 photos 35 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The dog? You are named after a dog?"
"I had a lot of fond memories of that Dog."~Indiana Jones~

"Can you knot?"
"I cannot."
"You can knot?"
"I cannot knot." ~Winnie the Pooh movie~

Glimpse is a book that is now on my page, and I had a short story called Runaway on there too.

on Jul. 14 2011 at 10:48 am
Free_One PLATINUM, ????, Ohio
40 articles 1 photo 773 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am not invincible or unstoppable, but I stay strong because it is the only way to survive in this world."

Thanks! Have u wrote any stories? I would like to check them out?

 


HaleyStar GOLD said...
on Jul. 14 2011 at 10:42 am
HaleyStar GOLD, Mattoon, Illinois
12 articles 2 photos 35 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The dog? You are named after a dog?"
"I had a lot of fond memories of that Dog."~Indiana Jones~

"Can you knot?"
"I cannot."
"You can knot?"
"I cannot knot." ~Winnie the Pooh movie~

I L-O-V-E it! (:


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