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...and a gun

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The gun lying in front of me is tempting but I am terribly afraid of guns and so I don’t grab and shoot the man that is standing outside the window.
“What do you want?” I glance nervously at the clock on the wall.
The man doesn’t do anything he just stands there. My heart starts to race.
“Why don’t you just leave?” I cry, a feral yowl escaping my lips.
The man still doesn’t move. My heart slowly climbs up to my throat and I resist the urge to scream. Tears begin rolling out of my eyes and onto my cheeks for no reason. My body shakes with fear.
The man stands in the window, just staring in at me. The gun suddenly had eyes. It stared up at me.
“Why me,” I moan. I pick up the gun with shaking hands and point it at the man. His mouth breaks into a smile.
I moan again knowing there is only one way out of this thing. I thought all the possible things through and I knew what to do in order to escape this man that’s out to get me. I raise the gun to my head and before I can talk myself out of it I pull the trigger.



NEWS REPORT
“it’s said that today at about five o’clock in the afternoon Stevie Frey shot himself with a glock his father owned.” The news reporters voice was bored as she read the prewritten script she’d been given. “His parents say that his suicide was a result of his paranoia. According to the coroner the child had been skipping his medication and so finally his paranoia had caught up with him. Now on to the weather…”




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partyhardd<3 said...
Aug. 10, 2011 at 6:54 pm:
the ending surprised me but was very interesting.i loved the short story (:
 
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tealbirdThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Aug. 6, 2011 at 8:51 pm:
I really like how in the beginning you aren't really sure of what's going on, but by the end things get a lot clearer and the story ends very nicely. I do think that the news report was written informally, but it doesn't take too much away from the story. My advice (if you wanted to change it) would be to model the report after one on TV. Other than that, really good work.
 
Eno-BladezThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 7, 2011 at 7:23 am :
again the news report wasn't supposed to be modeled off of one on TV it was supposed to sound boring and just to announce the death that was it
 
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CarrieAnn13This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Aug. 6, 2011 at 7:59 pm:

Interesting concept, but I have some criticisms.

1.  Your first sentence is a run-on sentence.

2.  The news report doesn't sound like a news report.  It's not very professional.  Maybe you could rewrite it.

 
Eno-BladezThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 7, 2011 at 7:23 am :
the news report wasn't really supposed to sound like a news report it was supposed to sound boring and bland and just annouce the death.
 
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