Scars of the Tiger

June 20, 2011
By MidnightFire PLATINUM, Lincoln, Illinois
MidnightFire PLATINUM, Lincoln, Illinois
40 articles 6 photos 239 comments

Favorite Quote:
'Dream as if you will live forever, live as if you'll die tomorrow.'
for my sister: 'when life gives me lemons ... i eat them'
'do not be afraid, be faithful'
'God is not safe, but He's good'


He sat bolt upright, instinctively reaching for his throat. Gasping he looked around the room trying to push away the nightmare’s haunting images that kept replaying before his eyes. The night’s air cooled the sweat that oozed from his skin’s pores, as he pushed down the fear balled up in his throat and stomach. His blazing blues eyes grew wide as he rubbed his neck and found it missing. The animal tendon that he used as a string to hold the fang of the dead mountain lion that had raised him was gone.
Immediately he stood, fear flashing in his eyes as he scoured the dark room. Moonlight caught on something and flickered. Looking closer he thought was Misty’s calm motherly green cat eyes. Then they morphed into angry, evil, starving, unforgiving amber eyes; the wall in front of him flashed orange and black stripes, and then flicked to the sharp deadly claws and teeth of the tiger that tried to kill him a few years ago. Shaking, he fell back on his butt, his hand landing on Misty’s tooth. Sighing a shaky relief he tied it around his neck and walked over to the bathroom, dust particles mockingly dancing in the moon’s silver glow.
Turning on the light and slightly closing the door, he pulled off his shirt and turned his back to the mirror. Looking over his shoulder he used the mirror to trace the scars. Ignoring the other little faint scars, he studied the four long jagged white scars that ran down his tan muscular back. Wincing at remembered pain, he sighed and put his shirt back on. That tiger had been haunting his dreams at least once a week for years.
Tuning on the faucet he stuck his head under the icy cold water. He gave a shaky breath still trying to shake off the flash backs. Slowly he added warmth to the water till it was soothingly hot. Smiling to himself he remembered how Misty would lick the back of his hair the wrong way after he had had a nightmare to sooth him. Though a cat, she had been a better mother than his real mom or any of his foster care moms.
“Jack?” a voice asked from the doorway. Jack stood, hitting his head on the sink on the way up. He stood there, his black hair soaked and dripping, looking at the voice’s owner: a sleepy Taylor who looked like thunder had awaken him even though there was no storm. “You ok?” The scrawny blonde haired brown eyed boy asked.
“Ya. I’m fine.” Jack replied thinking about how Taylor had escaped his kidnappers and now with Jack’s help was heading home.
“But, what about those scars?” He persisted
“Um … they’re nothing and I really don’t want to talk about it right now.”
“I’m going to find out sooner or later and you know it.” The 15 year-old said growing in confidence against 18 year-old Jack.
“Well I’d rather you find out later than sooner,” Jack growled throwing in a bit of a snarl so he would stop arguing. “Now get your butt back to bed.”
Taylor left and got into his bed. Jack shook his wet head and turned off the water. He knew the kid was right. At some point they were going to run into one of the few people who knew. Then the beans would be spilled. Crawling into his sleeping bag on the floor he was tempted to just leave, to just run from the past that this adventure was putting on the path ahead of them. I have a job to do and I can’t leave Taylor to fend for himself, Jack thought as he drifted off to sleep. He wouldn’t stand a chance against the vicious killers from my past that are after him, he’d be torn apart like a rabbit in a pack of dogs.

The author's comments:
this could have been in realistic fiction but its only half realistic

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This article has 49 comments.


on Aug. 9 2011 at 10:20 pm
renthead96 BRONZE, City, Ohio
3 articles 0 photos 35 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly."

Before I say anything, let me say I really like your writing style, as well as this story. It was unique and interesting, and I really enjoyed it.

Okay, now I have to admit I was slightly confused. I'm not certain I can tell where exactly Jack is while this scene is taking place. And I also noticed that there seems to be a lot of commas missing where there should be some. Specifically when you are describing something, such as a character's appearance or something similar. Anything with adjectives needs to have commas to seperate them.

But overall, this was a very descriptive and well written piece, and I definitely enjoyed the detail and, of course, the story itself. Keep writing!


on Aug. 8 2011 at 11:29 am
CheshireKat_95 BRONZE, Cambridge, Minnesota
2 articles 3 photos 28 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal."
- Jane Austen, letter to Cassandra Austen, 24 December 1798

Anytime! :)

on Aug. 8 2011 at 9:54 am
MidnightFire PLATINUM, Lincoln, Illinois
40 articles 6 photos 239 comments

Favorite Quote:
'Dream as if you will live forever, live as if you'll die tomorrow.'
for my sister: 'when life gives me lemons ... i eat them'
'do not be afraid, be faithful'
'God is not safe, but He's good'

Thanks :) I'll keep this in mind. (:

on Aug. 8 2011 at 9:51 am
MidnightFire PLATINUM, Lincoln, Illinois
40 articles 6 photos 239 comments

Favorite Quote:
'Dream as if you will live forever, live as if you'll die tomorrow.'
for my sister: 'when life gives me lemons ... i eat them'
'do not be afraid, be faithful'
'God is not safe, but He's good'

With the missing necklace I was woundering if that mastake would be made.  This clip was written all at once and was new when it was submitted a month ago, what I ment was 'old' was the begining of the book that this will appear in, that was written about two years ago because I can never force myself to start writting again.  That is good advice with the descriptions and I'll have to keep that in mind for when I revise this and for future writting.  For the commas, I've always had a tendancy to under use them, my friend will read over my work and have to put in 50 commas. Thanks for everything :)

on Aug. 7 2011 at 12:40 am
CheshireKat_95 BRONZE, Cambridge, Minnesota
2 articles 3 photos 28 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal."
- Jane Austen, letter to Cassandra Austen, 24 December 1798

First of all, I like your story quite a lot!

Now for details. First paragraph, sentence 4: "His blazing blue eyes grew wide as he rubbed his neck and found it missing." His neck was missing? Oh, really, now? Haha. Careful with that. Make it very clear that the thing that is missing is the necklace, not his neck.

Also, I noticed that you mentioned to someone else that the beginning stuff is old. Did you edit and revise? Those are the two most important steps of the writing process. I get really worried when a writer isn't revising, since the best work you can write happens after revision. For your sake, I hope you do revise. :)

I like the bits of descriptions you do have. If you can do more with that, it could be so much better. Where is Jack, specifically? Also, tiny little details of human behavios were slightly overlooked. How does Jack handle talking about his scars, even in passing? Does he tense up, or does he just play it off cool? When Taylor gets told off, does he hesitate before leaving, does he leave meekly, or what? Tiny, tiny details give a reader a bit of insight into a character's personality. With a short story, you need to give the reader as many tiny details as you can in a short space of time, or they won't be able to identify with your characters. Does that make sense?

Commas! Use them! Paragraph 4, sentence 5: "The scrawny, blonde-haired, brown-eyed boy..." Commas are description's friend. If you use several adjectives in a row, split them with a comma. Also, if you're going to do one of these: "The 15-year-old said growing in confidence..." Then there should be a comma after "said" because it is your main verb and should be split from your other verb. :)

Overall, good work. The story is intriguing, and I would love to read more of it!! :)


on Aug. 6 2011 at 7:13 pm
SecretFlame PLATINUM, Portland, Oregon
20 articles 1 photo 375 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I have a life. I just choose to ignore it."
-one of my friends

This was really good! You created a lot of suspense and a very interesting topic! There was so much description though it was a bit overpowering. Also try giving us a little more of a peek into the main characters thoughts and give him a bit more personality, accentuate his characteristics.

Very good piece.


on Aug. 3 2011 at 3:08 pm
MidnightFire PLATINUM, Lincoln, Illinois
40 articles 6 photos 239 comments

Favorite Quote:
'Dream as if you will live forever, live as if you'll die tomorrow.'
for my sister: 'when life gives me lemons ... i eat them'
'do not be afraid, be faithful'
'God is not safe, but He's good'

Thanks :) the lowest rating this article has gotten is a 4 and that was only once (:

on Aug. 3 2011 at 3:07 pm
MidnightFire PLATINUM, Lincoln, Illinois
40 articles 6 photos 239 comments

Favorite Quote:
'Dream as if you will live forever, live as if you'll die tomorrow.'
for my sister: 'when life gives me lemons ... i eat them'
'do not be afraid, be faithful'
'God is not safe, but He's good'

Over 150 veiws :D thanks to every one!!!!

on Aug. 3 2011 at 2:46 pm
Love.Hate.Passion., Spring Valley, Illinois
0 articles 0 photos 356 comments

Favorite Quote:
~Hope. Faith. Love~
~Be proud of who you are.You are all unique in a different way.~
~I WILL NOT fade into oblivion , and become less than
a distant memory.~

Write more !

I love how you keep it mysterious by giving no background , but it's killing me :(

You are a great writer , use that to your advantage !


on Jul. 24 2011 at 2:02 pm
MidnightFire PLATINUM, Lincoln, Illinois
40 articles 6 photos 239 comments

Favorite Quote:
'Dream as if you will live forever, live as if you'll die tomorrow.'
for my sister: 'when life gives me lemons ... i eat them'
'do not be afraid, be faithful'
'God is not safe, but He's good'

thanks, and ya it would be better to expand on but you cant try to pack to much into a short story :) thanks again

. said...
on Jul. 24 2011 at 1:46 pm
This is so well-written :) Like everyone else, I wish you'd expand on it; I'd love to read moree!

on Jul. 23 2011 at 5:16 pm
MidnightFire PLATINUM, Lincoln, Illinois
40 articles 6 photos 239 comments

Favorite Quote:
'Dream as if you will live forever, live as if you'll die tomorrow.'
for my sister: 'when life gives me lemons ... i eat them'
'do not be afraid, be faithful'
'God is not safe, but He's good'

thanks :) I'm glad I could help you on the forums page (:

on Jul. 23 2011 at 11:24 am
KenyaLove41 GOLD, Dallas, Texas
16 articles 0 photos 84 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent." ~Ambrose Bierce
"Nothing is Impossible, the word itself says 'I'm Possible!'" ~ Audrey Hepburn
"Good writing is only bad writing revised"~ Unknown

this is such an amazing story! hope u write more!

on Jul. 12 2011 at 11:07 am
MidnightFire PLATINUM, Lincoln, Illinois
40 articles 6 photos 239 comments

Favorite Quote:
'Dream as if you will live forever, live as if you'll die tomorrow.'
for my sister: 'when life gives me lemons ... i eat them'
'do not be afraid, be faithful'
'God is not safe, but He's good'

ya that and you can reach the end of the page and then type a whole word on a single letter before you realise you have to press enter :)

on Jul. 12 2011 at 11:02 am
__horizon133 PLATINUM, Portage, Michigan
26 articles 0 photos 232 comments

Favorite Quote:
"laugh, and the world laughs with you. laugh hysterically, and for no apparent reason, and they will leave you alone." anonymous

oooh...i've always wanted to wn a typewriter. i hear they jamb easily though.

MidnightFire said...
on Jul. 11 2011 at 11:00 pm
I started writing the begining over two years ago by just messing around and typing up a paragraph on my Gpa's old typewriter around Thanksgiving ... so most of the begining stuff is old and doesn't have the same style/feel as what i write now

on Jul. 11 2011 at 9:21 pm
__horizon133 PLATINUM, Portage, Michigan
26 articles 0 photos 232 comments

Favorite Quote:
"laugh, and the world laughs with you. laugh hysterically, and for no apparent reason, and they will leave you alone." anonymous

it is the same way with the book i am writitng. with anything i'm writing, really...i kill off half of my main characters by the middle of most my short stories and the protagonist almost always dies a sad and violent death. the beginuings like you say are the hardest thought--most of the time i just jump to the middle and procrasinate of writing the begining until i forget how i was going to write it and move on to start all over again :P

on Jul. 11 2011 at 2:37 pm
LittleSissy95 GOLD, Lincoln, Illinois
18 articles 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
\\\\\\\"Even though with everything that has happen i still think people are good at heart\\\\\\\" -Anne Frank

This is soooo amazing!!!!! I love it midnightfire. Cool name too!!!!!! Give me updates u know who I am.

on Jul. 11 2011 at 1:43 pm
MidnightFire PLATINUM, Lincoln, Illinois
40 articles 6 photos 239 comments

Favorite Quote:
'Dream as if you will live forever, live as if you'll die tomorrow.'
for my sister: 'when life gives me lemons ... i eat them'
'do not be afraid, be faithful'
'God is not safe, but He's good'

Over 100 views! Sadly thats a record.

on Jul. 10 2011 at 11:05 pm
MidnightFire PLATINUM, Lincoln, Illinois
40 articles 6 photos 239 comments

Favorite Quote:
'Dream as if you will live forever, live as if you'll die tomorrow.'
for my sister: 'when life gives me lemons ... i eat them'
'do not be afraid, be faithful'
'God is not safe, but He's good'

I am so mean to him though :) ... I'm writing anouther article on him and Taylor but i'm not sure if i should post it on here or not since i haven't posted anything from before (this article is in like chapter 7 and anything before that is cheesy and stupid)




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