Rodger, The Nut

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A nut’s life is like an average humans’, but smaller. Some are tall, some are small, some are thin, some are wide, some are rough, some are smooth, some are randomly colored, some are brown. A nut doesn't live the exact same way a human does though. Most nuts live only one to five years, or less. Also a nut cannot be healed by nut doctors if a nut gets squashed, broken or scratched.

But being a nut is a ton of fun. It’s like the world is a hundred times bigger. Although nuts have no body clothes, a nut can wear glasses, hats, shoes and carry a brief case. Nuts have two legs, arms, eyes, ears, nostrils and one mouth that cannot be seen by a nut himself.

Now this is Rodger. He’s tall and medium length and width, he has black fancy shoes, a brown brief case, and an old fashioned grey hat with a black line on it. He went to Oak Tree school and graduated from a college called VCnUt. His job is one of those cube offices which is only five stories high, or in human length, twenty-five inches. Rodger lives under an oak tree where he was born on and has three friends named Felix, Walton and Africa.

Now there are different ways to live as a nut. You can live like normal nuts in trees or under rocks in the woods or in human backyards. And you could live in the big cities where there is more action and crime. But there are disadvantages if you’re living in either place. For example, if you live in the big city, humans might take you to a factory to cook you and eat you. If you live in the woods, then there’s a chance you could get eaten by a squirrel.

Today’s nut technology is more advanced than humans’ technology. They have the average human technology like computers, cell phones and television. But they also have laser guns, and jet packs and other army supplies, but it’s just for the army to stop the evil squirrels. Also humans can not know about this because if this happens, it could start a World War III. Not many nuts know about this fancy technology either because its top secret to almost any nut. Rodger happens to know because he happens to know his neighbor, who knows this carpenter, who knows this worker at a factory, who knows this author, who knows this scientist who works on lasers.

When a nut is just about to pass away, he/she plants himself/herself, so he/she can make his/her fifty babies unlike a middle aged woman human who only makes about one baby. All nuts can make babies, even men or babies them selves, but its best when they’re seniors or when they’re just minutes away from passing away. And when the tree has grown up, and the babies are made, after one is plucked, another grows.

Rodger has a great life, but he really wants a wife. One that’s ripe green, as tall as him and pretty skinny. He also wants a wife that is responsible, smart and positive. He even wants to adopt two nut babies (since nuts don’t mate together to have a baby).

Rodger is responsible with his work, but he’s more of a nut who parties and drinks beer and gets earaches from listening to “Rolling on the Nut”, “I Wanna Rock and Nut all Nite” or “Rock that Nut”. Rodger is also working out (when he’s not partying, which is every other day). Right now he can lift one and a half pounds, runs one decimeter in forty-five seconds and is looking pretty skinny. The reason why Rodger is working out is because he was beginning to look like he had a little bit too much juice in him. He wishes his friend Felix, would work-out too. He’s also beginning to look wide. Rodger also likes to pen-pal Africa who lives in, well, Africa. It takes a while for Rodger to get his e- mails from Africa because her computer was made for the year of 1989.

. . .

The woods are beginning to stress where Rodger lives. The population for nuts has begun to decline because lots of nuts have been eaten by the hundreds of new born squirrels during their nut collecting season. The nut technology for the army (to fight the evil squirrels) is not superb. They may have a great amount of jet packs, but they have a limited amount of laser guns. Rodger is always on the look out for squirrels that dress-up like nuts (even though they’re easy to find). So far, he’s seen none. Rodger has heard that Walton (Rodger’s cube neighbor) was a present for a squirrel’s birthday, and was then eaten.

Rodger has been the most stressed out of all the nuts in the woods because he has the best texture, smell, look, voice and taste that attracts’ squirrels like crazy. Because he has symptoms that squirrels love, Rodger is beginning to miss work, his coach from the gym is getting tired of him being absent or late to his lessons and the bar has not seen him for weeks. He’s been mainly hiding in his house in the oak tree, listening to all of the nuts screaming for help and then being chewed and swallowed by squirrels. It’s a painful thing to hear if you’re a nut.

One day when Rodger ran out of food (which was mainly chopped leaves and mulch), he was forced to go to the grocery store. It was not that far from his house, but it took him five hours to convince himself that everything would be okay. So he then got out of his house and began his trip. As he was walking down the streets, he saw a news stand called “The Nutmond Times” and the top head line was an article that said “nuts missing, cannot find in any kind of tree, squirrel’s brilliant plan”

As Rodger got close to his home with the groceries, he saw a squirrel in his hole under the oak, snatching all of the other nuts that also lived under the tree. As the squirrel turned around for the next tree, he noticed Rodger , standing there with his delicious look. But as Rodger turned to run, the squirrel grabbed him, stuffed him into his mouth and ran off into the cool night.

As Rodger woke up and realized two things: 1.He was not digested, and 2. He was in a hole in the very center of a pine tree. The hole had a nest that had Rodger trapped in and two candles both beside him. After he looked around (and noticed how slimy he was), three squirrels came in. They bowed down to him to thank the great squirrel god who gave then this great tasting nut. One picked Rodger up but another snatched him away from him, then was taken away again by the third squirrel. At first they argued in squirrel language and then fought with each other, forgetting about Rodger. One of the squirrel’s tail’s knocked him out of the hole. He rolled all the way down the bark of the tree. As he finished rolling down and regained his balance, he noticed a big group of nuts in a hole under the pine tree, blocked by a piece of glass. Luckily with Rodger’s 1.5 pound moving skills, he was able to moved the piece of glass. As he moved it, all of the nuts charged out of the hole.

Rodger had just saved himself and about 200 other nuts, but he knew that but he knew that more nuts would be captured by more squirrels, at the fastest rate ever since the 1930’s big capture. So he needed to go to the capital of Mexico where the big city was, and where the great army was; all the way from Richmond, VA. But it would take months away walk there. He couldn’t go by car because his nut mobile was destroyed by the squirrel that took him to the tree.He also couldn't barrow Felix’s nut mobile because his ant (a.k.a. a nut’s pet) throw-up in his car and then all of the bacteria (a.k.a. a nut’s bug) ate the puke and then and then some of the puke got in the engine and it exploded. Rodger also had no money left after the grocery shopping so he couldn’t rent a car or buy a plane ticket. He also wanted a nut a partner to stop crime and squirrels from possibly stopping him.

As Rodger walked home trying to figure out a plan, an invisible hand stopped him. He turned around and saw a nut. She was about the same height as him, was very skinny and was ripe green. Just like what Rodger’s wife wanted to be like. But Rodger was so nervous right now, he couldn't think about how pretty she was. The girl nut said she was one of the victims that Rodger rescued and said she would do anything for him in return. Rodger replied back saying he could use a partner to help him get to Mexico and get a group of army nuts to help him all of the squirrels move out of the region. She agreed to help him and asked to meet back where they first met in one hour.

When Rodger got home, he saw pretty much every thing was either ripped, cracked or, broken. but he had no time to look around and fix up the damage. So Rodger packed up his laptop, clothes, food and sleeping bags. When he returned to the place he met the beautiful nut, the girl nut was back with a Nudi N8. It was the grandest of all nut mobiles and the most functional one too! Rodger was honored to ride in this nut mobile, but when he opened the door, police nuts were coming this way. Rodger quickly got into the nut mobile and the nut mobile shot off like a bullet...that was blocked by a sponge.

. . .

As the police sirens began to sound softer, Rodger asked the girl nut why the police were after them. As the girl nut began to open her mouth, she saw there was police nuts with a five inch thick wall behind them. Unforchenetly there was no where to turn or u-turn. The car was now only ten feet away from the wall. Now five, four, three, two...


Is this the end for Rodger and his half-girlfriend? Will they make it to the big city ? Will squirrels end up eating then? Why am I asking all of these questions?

Stay tuned for Part two!!!!!!!





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