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Shot Gun Bank Robbery
I walked into the bank and looked around at the old wood walls. They were covered with dust and smelled like horse. Not a very pleasant sent. I couldn't help but cringe at its nasty and all together familiar smell. Sad, I know. I kept walking, I wasn’t here to smell the horse sent or even to put in or take out money. I was here to get the blue prints of the bank, with my eyes of course. When I got back to our “home” I would draw them out, then we would all get together and plan out our robbery. Clever right? Right now the plan was in limbo mode because we didn’t know how the bank was set up. We couldn’t plan too much if we didn’t even know what we were going into. So I continued looking, it was going to be fairly easy to take this bank, of course I knew this was just the lobby, that the actual bank was what we were going for so I didn’t judge too much, I just kept looking and absorbing everything I could, like a sponge. It made me smile out-loud, it probably wasn’t a very good idea to smile while standing in a bank, but I did anyways, always the clever you see. It was all a plan.
It was going excellent, everything was going great, I had everything mapped out in my head, from the cheesy moth eaten wood, very easy to blow up, to the very sturdy and seemingly bullet-proof lobby table, wow, it was like they were asking us to rob them. They provided us with walls that would blow away in a stiff wind, and a very handy-dandy giant table we could flip over and shoot from. The people who designed this bank were idiots! This is why it only ever held less than 200 dollars. You must be wondering why we were robbing it then, well, it was quite simple. In four months on the 1st of January everyone would pay their taxes, and all that tax money was going to, guess where, THIS bank, and guess which party of thief’s would be stealing that money. Well, you’re right again, we were, our lowly little group of thief’s, killers, and bombers were going to steal money from a very sickish bank, and guess what, we were going to succeed! Then, with everybody else’s tax money, we were going to go to San Fran and do whatever we wanted!
The only problem was this guy standing right in front of me. I don’t know how or why he came over to me, but all I can say is if he asks me if I’m alright I’m gona’ break his hand; ya know the one he is holding out to me. I don’t know what it is about guys but something about them is attracted to damsels in distress. Maybe I looked distressed; I was trying to look innocent and dumb, lost in a new city and bank, maybe which came across as “I need help.” I don’t know, but it was making me mighty angry, who does he think he is, walking up to me like he owned the world.
“My name is Joseph Hound, I am the owner of this bank, can I help you. You look kind of lost.” It all made sense now. This was a sign from above, he was handing me the owner of the bank on a silver platter! I decided to use this moment to find out what I could about the bank, always using my brain, just like I told ya.
“Yes, can you please show me were and how to make a new account?” I don’t know why I said that, I didn’t have a single coin in my purse, or anywhere else on me for that matter. I guess somewhere in the back of my mind I figured I could see the vault if I made an account, it probably wouldn’t work, but it was worth a try.
“Yes, yes I can. Is it going to be a safe-deposit box, or a checking account?” A safe-deposit box or a checking account, what is the difference? I decided I would ask, I was a small town girl, I don’t think it would draw suspicion.
“A safe-deposit box?” I asked trying to lay on the innocent small town girl look. It worked; I could tell instantly by his eyes, I could almost see the gears turning in the back of his mind. He thought this was a great way to get to know me, help me out, he thought we would become great friends. Well he was both right, and wrong. Yah we would become great friends, but it would only be real to him. To me it would be a way to use him, get him to give me a tour of the bank. I almost felt bad for him. He looked like a nice guy. He wasn’t extremely rich, I could tell by his clothes, he was probably somewhere in his later 20’s, maybe 28 or 29. He wasn’t ugly, or extremely handsome, just very ordinary looking, but in a very nice way. He was a nice height, with a very slim body, but nice, strong shoulders. His hair was a darker blackish brown, very common, and it had a slight layer of dust on it. All in all he was a nice person to look at, and he seemed to have a nice personality, very eager to please, and very kind. I decided I was going to be nice to him, not kill him unless I had to at least.
I eventually found out that a safe-deposit box was where you could put valuable items. You could put whatever you wanted to put in it, then you would get a key and a lock, you could bring one of your own design, or you could use the ones they provided. You could access your account anytime you wanted! You just had to have the key that let you into the room that held all the miniature safes, then you found yours and you put your key in, and ta-da anything you wanted to take out or put in was in your hands, and nobody could do anything about it. It was very clever, and very stupid, and I knew exactly what I was going to put in it. First I just had to hide it, then I just had to stick it in the safe, and sometime when I needed it I would get it out and everybody who wasn’t on our side would be at the mercy of it. Guns made any man scared, and no one would think of hiding a gun in a safe, except me, clever old me. I smiled to myself. Maybe I could get Hoss to hide a bomb in his safe. I could get him to make an account sometime, he was sure to agree. He wouldn’t be able to deny my reasoning. It made perfect sense. Clever old me. I couldn’t help but laugh out loud.
“Are you okay Ma’am, is the heat getting to you? It takes a while to get used to.” Yes, Joseph was very nice, and very helpful, I would almost feel bad for him when we destroyed, and robbed his bank. Almost, just almost.
“Yes, I’m fine. Just dandy actually, you have just told me the most amazing news.” He smiled at that. He had a very nice smile. His teeth were slightly crooked but the smile went all the way up into his eyes, he had nice eyes, they were brown and love and kindness overfilled them. Too bad we had to rob his bank. Just too bad. Not really, money was everything right now. Kindness could wait till later, and compassion is for an idiot, that is what mom always told me. Of course that wasn’t right. I knew that the minute she told me that, but it was a good saying, and it had more meaning to it then met the eye. I took it as, don’t be stupid and fall for lousy tricks. Someone else might take is as don’t have a heart it never pays off. They were right, but at the same time everything about that was wrong. Every little bit of it was wrong. I didn’t think about it too much.
At this moment Joseph was describing the bank to me. Trying to sell the bait as I always thought of it. It made me want to laugh. I held it back though; I didn’t want him to think I was loony. He told me about the safe, it was 10 years old. Ancient I thought to myself, easy to break into. It would probably be deteriorated by now, if not deteriorated then probably very weak. It was all extremely boring and really didn’t interest me, but I paid attention, I didn’t want to miss anything that might be useful. That was the last thing I needed, missing something of extreme importance just because I didn’t have the right mind to pay attention. I could never let myself make a mistake like that. It would be humiliating, and something someone inexperienced would make. I was neither inexperienced nor stupid and I wasn’t about to make myself look that way over a careless mistake, so I payed very close attention to every word he said, and trust me on this, there was a lot of them, so many that I almost wanted to yell at him to shut-up and stop wasting air for a few minutes. Just when I thought he would keel over with exhaustion he stopped. The quite was very peaceful, once I was able to enjoy it. “So, any questions?” He asked me. I didn’t really have any questions; he had answered everyone, and then some. I did have one, but I didn’t really want to ask it, it might make him suspicious. I did though, I blurted it out before I could stop myself, “Can I see the safe.” I immediately regretted it. I covered it up with a lie. “I have always wanted to see a safe, they really interest me.” He looked at me with really strange eyes, and then they turned… happy. Was I seeing this right? I didn’t make sense at all. Why was he happy I wanted to see the safe, what could make a person so happy like that. “You…you…you want to see the safe?” he sputtered out. “Um- I mean Yes. Yes, I would like to see the safe; I would really like to see the contraption that will be holding my money.” I said very proudly, like that was the truth, which it wasn’t of course. This guy was gullible, that is all I could say. There are a lot of other things he was, but this was the only nice one. “Yah, sure you can see the safe, do you want a tour?” All I could think was, this was perfect, a blue print and a tour all in one day. Life was good.
I walked into the old barn and was immediately surprised by the excellent aroma that welcomed me, apple pie. Then I was assaulted by the horrible chemical smell that came next. Hoss was back to work. Too bad he didn’t choose a nicer place. This barn was pretty interesting though, I must admit. The creaky ceiling and old hay covered floors had character and, all in all weren’t completely horrible. “Who’s there.” He said in a voice that wasn’t too far from scary, a voice that I would know anywhere. It’s (codename).” I chuckled to myself. “So, I’m guessing your back to work then?”
“You might be right.” I couldn’t help but roll my eyes as Hoss walked out. He had been more then back to work, he had been experimenting. I could easily tell. The telltale sign was his face. It was covered in black powder, and his eyebrows were gone. Completely gone, there wasn’t a single hair on his face. I would have been really laughing if all his hair was gone; luckily his short brown colored hair was all still there. Hoss was a very muscled guy. He said it was from work but I suspected that he lifted weights when no one was looking. His 6’3 muscled body was very scary up close. Luckily I was on his good side; otherwise I would have been carrying a loaded pistol right now. “So, have any news from the post office?” He asked. That was our code name for the bank. “Yes, actually there was mail; my mother sent me the blueprints of her new house.” We both new this wasn’t the truth, my mother was dead. I handed him the package that held the blue prints I had drawn up on my way over here. They were as complex as I could get, any questions he had he could simply ask. I didn’t want to put too much on paper in case someone got ahold of it. The blue prints of the bank actually did look like a house. Everything had a code name, the safe was labeled as a closet, and the bedroom was the lobby. Everything was mapped out, and on a second piece of paper was what the safe looked like. Every little dent, crack, and eroded part of the safe was drawn out, Hoss would have everything he needed to plan the perfect plan to bomb the safe. It would all work out!
First we had to go meet up with someone first. Her name was nickname “flicker” we weren’t supposed to know she was a girl but I had people on my side, and those people knew and had recommended her. I wasn’t too thrilled about meeting her, I wasn’t ready to trust her just yet. I was at least assured that this hotel we were meeting her at had tons of easy escapes. I knew this place inside and out, and well, if she tried to get away and tell on us about conspiring to rob a bank, well she wasn’t gonna get out alive. I had Hoss rig the place with bomb’s and Janice -the owner- knew we were coming, and was ready for anything. She was a very tough woman, and could kick Flicker’s butt if she had to. It made me smile to myself thinking about Janice, she was scary, and she had taught me a few new tricks that I used every day, a few of them I had even made better. Life was gonn’a be good once we were rich. I smiled as I got on my rusty red horse. Yes, I know, so much for blending in… Well just to let you know, he was an unbroken mustang, corralled by Mau. He was the fastest thing in this part of the world. I could out-run any sheriff, speed chase any hooligan, and, to be honest, the speed was amazing, when I had time to enjoy it. I have to wear dresses you see…to be a “lady” so when I had any chance I would put on some black jeans and a black shirt, and ride Ladies heart out with speed, He enjoyed it, and so did I. Yes, my male horse is named lady, it’s a joke, you see I’m trying to lay on the whole “stupid young innocent girl act” and not being able to tell the gender of my own horse seemed like the best plause possible! Every time Hoss heard his name he snorted with... well I don’t really know. I wasn’t sure if he was laughing at the name, disgusted with it, or all around couldn’t believe I was that clever… Either way I thought it was funny!