~Complicated Communications~

October 4, 2010
By communicativedistractions PLATINUM, Fall City, Washington
communicativedistractions PLATINUM, Fall City, Washington
25 articles 0 photos 31 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I miss you like an alcoholic misses toothpaste."


I sat beneath a swaying maple tree with intertwined eyelashes. I listened to the rustling leaves gliding quietly by my crossed legs until i found the almost nonexistant spark of sound I was looking for. With my eyes closed in complete concentration, I focused my comprehensive hearing on the muffled voices the wind had brought me. Everything else left my mind, leaving the static to refill my expectant ears. The fuzzy noises were deciphered level by level until I caught a crisp sound wave of conversation. Blinking my eyes I tilted my head ever so slightly to the left and saw two humans in deep conversation. They were about a football field away. I smiled and listened thoughtfully to my surreal police scanner.

"Nine, tonight"

"I'm not sure if I can.."

"If you back out now you'll be dead. Once a member, always a member."

"..It doesn't feel right anymore.."

The voice in charge grabbed the lanky squeamish one's shoulders and pulled him to his snarling face.

"You choose NOW to find some morals?" A clacking metal twip made my eyes slice open. Across the space between us the faint glint of a gun shone in the sunlight. My teeth clenched instinctively together, leaving my hands to ball into tight fists. I need some control.

"Okay, OKAY I'll do it."

"Nine, be there."

The lanky unfortunate was let go and both grimly walked their seperate ways.

I stalked the gun-wielding-would-be-killer, staying a fair amount behind his pace for the next few hours. He was the "leader" of a gang made up of mostly high school delinquents. When nine came the gang snuck into a high end car dealership. Snuck, would be the wrong word. They were let in by the lanky victim. Apparently, his father owned the company, and apparently, this gang hid illegal drugs in various car parts to be later dealed for a higher price than recieved.

Each member turned out their baggy pockets, letting plastic bags with white contents fall with a swish to the hard floor. I sighed heavily and cracked my awaiting knuckles. I left my lonesome shadowy corner and walked abruptly to the backside of one of the elite members. I placed both my hands on either side of his head, before he could jump in surprise I snapped his neck harshley to the side, letting out a heart pumping crach that echoes off the surrounding walls. My eyes followed his lifeless body to the floor. A small remorseful smile left my lips; this could be fun.

Scorching eyes were on me now. Fear and bloodlust filled the room, silence is deadly. Seconds later bullets whizzed past my ear, I dodged each, front flipping my body foreward expertly and landing untouched in front of the "leader." His gut met my fist and his head met the floor. I grabbed my hidden knife and shoved it's hilt into upper vertebreas; he wasn't worth the blade. A cry of pain left my prey, I just smirked, too bad he couldn't see. Guns started talking at me once again. I dropped smoothly to the speckled floor and held my body up with only my hands. I circled my legs around like a male gymnast on a palma horse, my legs extended, connecting with nearby goons, bringing them down to the uncaring floor. I flipped my legs up into a handstand and back kicked a guy repeatedly in the face. I pulled my legs over foreward, resting my feet on a gang members shoulders. I gripped his neck hard with my feet and pulled my legs back, flinging his body into a wall in the distance while also landing head first on my feet.

Two masked boys and the lanky boy stood away from the the pile of comatose corpses I decorated with, I walked with a hint of annoyance to the masked boys and grabbed their collars. I smacked their heads together and discarded them amoung others of their kind.

I flashed my dark eyes at him and said, "Your father will not be pleased." I heard his heart skip two beats, then the silent waft of his twitching hand. I smiled wickedly with blood filled eyes and lunged at him, his screams drowned out any other sound...

The author's comments:
I like a darker side to writing. It keeps things interesting and fun!

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This article has 1 comment.

on Oct. 5 2010 at 2:50 pm
NeverCaredForKool-Aid GOLD, Elkridge, Maryland
13 articles 0 photos 531 comments

Favorite Quote:
I don't believe in hell but I believe in my parent's couch-- Watsky

Aspects I enjoyed-  You had a wicked ending!

Loved the mood set at the very beginning

I liked how you presented the main character's special ability

Aspects I didn't enjoy-  You had a tendency to overuse 'I' as a sentence starter, often using it five times in a row.  It brought bloody murder to your flow and made your story feel like somewhat of I list.

"I grabbed my hidden knife and shoved its hilt into upper vertebreas"  I think you wanted to say "his upper vertebreas"  Also, I'd forshadow the hidden knife, it seemed very out of the blue when you mentioned it for  the first time and immediently used it.

"Guns started talking at me once again"  That was a hard personification to understand.  I thought it was a typo at first, and it took me a while to understand what you were going for, because very few people think of a gunshot as a piece of speech.  I'd go for 'popped' or something more relatable to the sound of a gun, instead of 'talked'.

Overall-  Nice concept and originality, could use some revising and editing.

4 stars.

If you have the time, could you check out my piece, "Encounter"?  Thanks if you do.


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