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Age, among many other things, is a barrier. No matter how good you are, no matter what you are capable of: they look at your bloody age, nothing else.
PJ kicked a empty coke can across the road. Walking on the sidewalk she did nothing but sulk.
#@!* I cannot BELIEVE this!
PJ had just been fired from her job – her only job.
My parents are going to kill me.

Angry thought filled her and she tensed her body, not wanting to do anything rash. She was livid. How dare they fire her! She was the top waitress there! The customers loved her, she had the best up sells and she had never even missed one shift – but no! Just because she was the youngest worker there and they had too many waiters they chose her.
This is totally rubbish. PJ hunched her shoulder and pulled her jacket tighter around her body. The streets outside where starting to get chilly and a slight wind was picking up. They’re rubbish!
PJ rounded a corner into an alleyway (her usual shortcut to her parent’s house). As she did so a shadow caught her eye. Carrying on walking she kept her ears open. A few minutes went by and she was sure.
$@#%, I’m being followed.
Another reason to resent her current age. It was never safe for a young girl to be alone. The world was full of perverts, thieves and serial killers.
Just my luck, huh? First fired, then followed…soon I’ll be kicked out of my own house! Who knows?
Still fuming it took a while for fear to actually kick in. When it did – it gripped PJ from the inside. She focused on calming her breathing – so not to attract the attention of her follower – and looked for a way to slide past unnoticed.
Breathe. Chill-ax. You’re just over-reacting. He’s just some random strange going his own way.
But all of her mother’s warnings unfolded in her mind and soon she was thinking vivid images of possible dangers.

PJ shook her head, focusing her thoughts. Another gust of wind flew through the alleyway and PJ’s scarf escaped its hold around her neck, covering her face. PJ hurriedly pulled the purple material away and expand her senses.
Where did he go?
Walking faster, nearly running, PJ concentrated on the sound of her footsteps.
Almost home. Practically there already, just around the corner –
A hand landed on her shoulder and a scream escaped from PJ’s dry lips. Her body reacted immediately, jolting upright she turned around. She faced the man who had followed her, though her view was partly obscured by her strands of hair that flew with the motions of the wind. The man looked menacing, or maybe it was her over-active imagination.
He lifted his hand up and she flinched. Nothing happened. Peaking through her eyelids she saw a purple scarf dangling from his uplifted hand.
Lifting her hand to her throat, PJ let out her breathe with relief.
My scarf, I must have dropped it…
PJ took it, smiled gratefully and turned back quickly – eager to leave the alleyway. Her heart was still pumping in overdrive. So focused on her feet PJ didn’t glance up in time. She just glimpsed a steel rod bent in a skew way against the brick wall beside her before pain shot up her skull. She was unconscious before she hit the trash covered ground.

She was a young girl, lying out cold in the middle of an alley. It was not safe for one her age to be alone. There were odd people out there.





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This article has 6 comments. Post your own now!

elmosoreo said...
Oct. 5, 2010 at 2:05 pm

I...wow...I don't wanna bash your piece...Just so you know :)

ummm spell check? a couple of type-o's I'm sure no biggie. mmmm..why is she named PJ? just curiosity there....ummmm the 2nd to last line in the 1st paragraph isnt really...needed? this piece was jumpy..but it was short so I guess no choice... the running into a pipe thing is a bit out there. 

 

I would say...this piece is really good :) It could go without the beggining. Skip the losing the job. focus... (more »)

 
CuteAsIce replied...
Oct. 6, 2010 at 11:34 am

Not a problem....i take it into concideration...

I just liked the name PJ so i used it. I decided to use the topic of someone loosing their job as it would give a reason for her anger, emotion and over the top reactions to the man that was following her. Bashing into the pipe sounded better than her being captured or something like that (its used to often) but i do get your point.

Oh - sorry about the type-o's! Didn't notice! Thanks for the advice :P appreciate it alot

 
Itwasamurder... said...
Oct. 4, 2010 at 8:37 am

Interesting, I liked the way you tied up the whole thing in that last sentence it made the story oddly interesting. Thought process in the character is superb, imagery is phenominla. An overall APPLAUSE worthy piece

 

Could you please read the Reaper part 1

 
CuteAsIce replied...
Oct. 4, 2010 at 12:22 pm
Thanx :) i will definately read it!
 
Emerald said...
Oct. 3, 2010 at 12:29 pm
very good words. frightning at points. i will read this again.
 
CuteAsIce replied...
Oct. 3, 2010 at 12:49 pm
Thanks :):):)
 
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